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By sick and awkward - 20/05/2012 06:11 - United States - Silver Spring

Spicy
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks 32 231
You deserved it 3 556

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At least she accepts that you can masturbate :) So you got a understanding mother, so intimacy would not be a problem, and she cares for you. I hope she got your tissues and lube anyway though, and get well. It sucks to dry up

You set yourself up for that. Ask for warm apple pie as well. If she gets the reference, enjoy the reaction.

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At least she accepts that you can masturbate :) So you got a understanding mother, so intimacy would not be a problem, and she cares for you. I hope she got your tissues and lube anyway though, and get well. It sucks to dry up

Man I wish I had a mother like that. :(

On the bright side you can ask for lotion and tissues and never get a lecture again.

I wonder how masturbation feels when you're that sick ..

31, you would be too sick to even think about it probably, or not pleasant at all. So stay healthy so you can enjoy it :)

At least she knows you do it and now when your door is closed she'll know not to come in. Because trust me it's way more awkward to get walked in on that have that conversation.... ;)

31- From personal experience masturbation is exactly the same when sick. Your arm just gets tired faster. Huehuehue

Sometimes I knock before I go into my bedroom or announce I'm home loudly. I've walked in on my fiancé countless times. I think it's kind of cute but he gets really embarrassed. Cool mom Op as embarrassing sex talks are it clarifies issues and there's less chance of even more embarrassing moments.

You gotta cool mom to accept it..some moms would have freaked out..but you should have stopped her instead of listening to such an awkward lecture...

Keevarou, your so kind!

The lecture was probably more for her benefit than his...she needed to cope with the awkwardness she was feeling. :-/

Serously -.-'

Keevarou, you look EXACTLY like my cousin. Like, the resemblance is SCARY, you even have your hair done the same way.

That was actually the best comment I have ever read, kudos to you my friend.

Lucky people. When my mom found out I watched porn while I still lived with my parents she threatened to kick me out.

Welp. That must've been awkward, and not helpful to your sickness.

Hopefully she atleast got you the lotion and tissues since she's okay with you masturbating? Feel better OP :)

And if you get better soon you can have a celebratory wank with the supplies your mum bought... Just try not to think of your mum during, hope I didn't ruin that for you.

Wow! I hope you agree!

You set yourself up for that. Ask for warm apple pie as well. If she gets the reference, enjoy the reaction.

american pie reference ;)

^^ You don't say???

We have some genuises on this website!!!!

Why didn't you mention being sick to her if she was going to fetch something for you?

Wait a minute...its ok?!! All the times i felt guilty afterwards :(

Why would you feel guilty? It's perfectly natural and fun.

I'm sure that was a joke, but if it wasn't ok man we'd all be going to hell. At least I would! Ease up on yourself! (or squeeze tighter if that's what you prefer lol)

You shouldn't feel guilty! According to my mom, it's ok :) BUT FOR GUYS ONLY. Apparently it's so boys don't go out and do something "crazy". As for girls, eh, you can hold it in and get used to it. it's fool proof logic :) I hope hope you're a guy!

^^ "For guys only"? Masturbation is for everyone, not just guys. Your mother is completely wrong, guys masturbate because its fun, the mood strikes or to deal with stress. Not so they don't do crazy things. Why should it be any different for girls. Sexist.

I'm stating my mom's "fool proof" idea. I don't agree with it at all. This issue is with almost every topic there is in my family. Going out late, BOYZ ONLY, eating a lot, BOYZ ONLY, significant other before marriage, BOYZ ONLY, drinking/smoking... You get my drift. I'm sure it's only my family.

^^ I'm glad my mom loves me enough to not do this^^^

45 - That doesn't mean her mom doesn't love her :/ Your statement kind of reminds me of the part in Due Date. Hahaha

It's more fun when you feel guilty when you're done ;) If you didn't feel guilty, spanking the weasel would be like brushing your teeth.

55- feeling dirty is one thing, but orgasm also sets it apart from brushing your teeth. ;) If that wasn't the case, we wouldn't see so many toothless people walking around ;)

#58, I brush with pizza-flavored toothpaste, so it's kinda the same ;)

Where the hell did you get thaaat?! I want some hahaha

#60, I was really hoping for you to say bacon-flavored toothpaste.

What's so great about bacon? I've never had the real kind since I'm Jewish.

#68, try some turkey bacon, you'll get the idea. You know, they don't kick you out for one sin. Go the whole hog and try a piece. Then, give yourself an extra smack on Yom Kippur.

32- She's Saudi Arabian and lives in Saudi Arabia where females are considerably less significant and respected than males. You don't have to try to "correct" her because in your country it's equal where in her's it is not. Watch what you say that can be hurtful that you have rights that she doesn't. You see how she's dressed?.., If you are a female in Saudi Arabia, no matter what ethnicity, you have to where that. You cannot show much skin and have cannot dress as we would say "normal."

#68 is really missing out. At my county's fair the pork producers have a sandwich called the whole hog ( ham, roast pork, bacon, and a tenderloin.) it's amazing.

Interesting....

So she didn't think that it was because you were ill, but because you wanted to masturbate whilst you were ill? At least she's alright with it, I guess

Awkward! So now everytime you pull out the "lotion and tissues", you're going to think about your mom. Lol.

I believe there was a FML about that :D