Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML
Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML
Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and headbutted me. Now, there's just an awkward silence. FML
Today, while on a first date, I leaned in to kiss her, but my lips somehow brushed against her nose instead. I panicked and ended up kissing her forehead like a grandma saying goodbye to a child. FML
Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML
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Top comments
DameGreyWulf 1
.... Conservative.... but she has cleavage. For some reason, this annoys me. FYL though. Better luck next time? At least you have a funny story?
hk_fml 9
Sexy!
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Comments (154)
canucksrule88 0
maybe shes turned on by blood, and you'll finally get some action ;)
Dylan94_fml 8
Yeah cos who isn't ?
allmidnighteyes 11
This sounds like the opening scene to a super raunchy **** flick.
screwtaylor 0
I hope you licked it off her like it was whip cream on her instead of blood.
allmidnighteyes 11
Body shots of blood and snot.... sounds ******* HAWT
noshitsherlock 0
UMMM WTF? When people cover their nose, they bring their hand up... they don't swing it with enough force to BREAK A NOSE. WTF?
Nicoleismyname 0
If you take the palm of your hand and push it upward into somebody's nose with enough force, please believe you will break their nose.
YDIBITCHES 0
21st!!!!
StrawberryPiez_ 0
fail
DameGreyWulf 1
He meant "conservative" as in an "anti-sexual" way, which makes the cleavage hypocritical, because why have cleavage if you don't want sexual attention?
YDIBITCHES 0
Where is my comment?????!!!
mollytamale 1
Cleavage exists, whether the clothes she wore showed it off or not. And FYL and FHL :(
DameGreyWulf 1
He wouldn't mention it if he couldn't see it. In other words, the cleavage had to be noticeable in some fashion so he could see the blood fall in it. =/
Beef_Sister 0
you sir, fail miserably, he mentioned that because he said she wass conservitive, just because it spilled in her cleave doesnt mean she was wearing a low-cut top? when ur about to kiss someone you are reall close to them?.... and he mentioned it because it did go down her cleavge, it said that cause he wanted to let everyone know that it went down her shirt and used cleavage as a proper way of saying chest, you dumb shit
DameGreyWulf 1
Normally, I don't feel the need to point out I'm female on the Internet but... I'm female. You, child, fail miserably :] And you've already seen all responses I've got, except: Since when is "cleavage" a "proper way" to say "down her chest"? It's "down her shirt" unless she actually had cleavage. If he can easily see her chest, there is cleavage.
iSwizzle 4
would you rather him use the term "my nose blood on her boobs." chill yourself. stop fighting over stupid shit. everyone has cleavage weather or not it's showing.
YDIBITCHES 0
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