Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML
Today, my boyfriend didn't come home from a night of drinking with the boys again, so I told him that I was packing my things and I wouldn't be here when he came home. After all my things were packed, I realized he drove my car to the bar. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, my boyfriend sneaked into my room, not knowing I wasn't home. It would have been great, except my dad went in my room to put laundry away. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML
Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
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Top comments
KatherineAnne 7
You sure know how to pick um! Haha
chick92282 15
And then you broke up with the thieving little slime, right? PLEASE tell me you broke up with the @ss!
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Comments (178)
1094568 1
Lol..why are you guys making a big fuss out if this?...the OP could of walked in the wrong time not know the while story... Or maybe he was nervous and did something stupid...
gracehi 33
How would nerves cause him to rifle through her mother's purse?
juerg 4
You are hot fyi
1094568 1
I
iBanana 17
Or the rabid camels out there. They're bad... REAL bad. Like a mix of Chuck Norris, Godzilla, and a camel.
juerg 4
You are very attractive fyi
gader 3
Don't get me wrong honey, I was looking for painkiller. Come on!!!
thecovert 7
Impressive!!!
juerg 4
Your welcome. I was just giving you a compliment. Jeez can't a guy be a gentleman anymore :)
hateevryone 15
He's a damn thief. Get rid of him.
coried91 28
I'm sorry but that's not being a gentlemen. It's pretty much weird telling her that over the Internet. You've never met her. I would have said "From your picture you seem pretty".To me that just sounds better than attractive.