Miscellaneous: Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushed me in...

By horselover7766 - 25/04/2012 23:08 - United States - Sewell

Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushed me in and then ran away, laughing hysterically. I was stuck in the mulch, and no one would help. I was literally in deep shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 409

You deserved it 2 682

Miscellaneous

You tried

Dyslexics untie!

No end in sight

By sabotaged - 02/11/2015 00:05 - United States - Oakland

Today, I got fired from my dream job. I found out today that the girl who trained me lied and taught me how to do things wrong, so that when she got back from maternity leave, she could get me fired and take her job back. My new coworkers were in on her plan from the beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 755

You deserved it 1 556

By SupaSu - 02/04/2009 05:35 - Canada

Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 673

You deserved it 7 895

By CutieBooty - 22/02/2011 21:02 - United States

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 295

You deserved it 35 635

By Batman - 09/09/2018 23:30

Today, I finished my 83-page thesis for my Stanford class and put it on my desk. Then, as a prank, my girlfriend hid it. She forgot where she put it. The thesis is due in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 621

You deserved it 630

By fuck you, tasha - 24/08/2014 21:50 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 190

You deserved it 8 606

By DeeDee - 04/02/2014 22:08 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 663

You deserved it 5 419

By Anonymous - 29/12/2016 02:38

Today, I walked into the living room to find my boyfriend plucking his ball hairs with the same tweezers I use for my eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 627

You deserved it 865

By bitchimgay - 22/07/2012 16:48 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 030

You deserved it 2 323

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 19:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom tried to convince me to throw out my insulin shots because she read a chain email that claimed they "cause cancer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 866

You deserved it 1 195

By bob7654 - 11/11/2016 02:44 - United States - Arlington

Today, my parents asked me if my girlfriend of two years and I wanted to go see a musical with them. I haven't told them that she broke up with me the day after she met them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 185

You deserved it 2 087

Star Bores

By theDarkandtheLight - 11/06/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I binged Star Wars. Now he keeps talking about how the Empire is superior to the Republic, digging up Reddit threads / YouTube videos / expressing his own political ideas to convince me of this. I just wanted to watch the movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 616

You deserved it 581

By WasZumTeufel? - 01/01/2013 00:55 - Germany - Kabel

Today, my boyfriend took me to his house and introduced me to his parents. He also showed me around his bedroom. I think he forgot to remove the dartboard on his wall, taped to which was a swiss-cheesed printout of one of my Facebook photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 479

You deserved it 3 907

By Anonymous - 26/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, a customer at work made threats against me and my two-month old son. Instead of following policy by notifying the police, my manager apologized to him and told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 126

By HereForJAMMF - 09/11/2016 17:50

Today, I've actually developed a crush on a guy I never intended to crush on, and also can't have. For one he's married and utterly devoted to his wife. And even if that weren't true, he's so far out of my league I need binoculars to see him. And to top it all of? He's fictional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 336

You deserved it 6 193

By Mikey - 26/04/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 404

You deserved it 8 689

What a treat

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Sainte Genevieve

Today, I asked if my friend wanted to come meet my dog and give him a treat. We were walking to my back yard, her holding 3 hot dogs, when she said, "I think your dog is dead!" I said, "No, he's just old and sleeps all the time and won't wake up until you pet him because he's deaf." He was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 531

You deserved it 646

By Anonymous - 20/05/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, my husband was leaving for a long business trip to Germany. As he was leaving, my daughter started crying. "Don't leave me with her !' she said. 'Take me with you !' FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 749

You deserved it 8 899

By Sucks2beme - 09/11/2017 15:00

Today, a cute guy who works in my building said, “Wow! You look hot.” I blushed and replied, “Oh thanks!” He then said, “Oh, no. I meant you look sweaty. Is it hot outside?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 127

You deserved it 432

By Weddingbelles - 12/09/2016 15:52 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, at the end of my 10-hour shift, my manager made me count exactly how many business cards were left in inventory before I could leave. She didn't believe me when the number came to exactly 3000. She made me count them all again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 199

You deserved it 769

By Numb - 11/04/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 365

You deserved it 7 015

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 00:59 - United States - Ocean Springs

Today, I got out of the shower and walked into my living room to see my sis' and her boyfriend sitting very closely on our family's fairly large couch. I laughed and said, "Look at the happy couple." Then her now ex-boyfriend burst into tears. Turns out they'd just broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 966

You deserved it 4 636

By Anonymous - 05/05/2015 19:54 - United States - Exton

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 866

You deserved it 3 611

By Anonymous - 28/01/2012 21:52 - United States

Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 695

You deserved it 4 899

By cbarebo - 11/10/2009 17:21 - United States

Today, I went in my room to play my guitar. I found my Les Paul on the floor with all the strings missing. I later found out my grandma cut them off because I was playing "Devil's Music." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 670

You deserved it 3 682

By haytia22 - 24/07/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I learned that when your gas nozzle does not automatically stop by itself the way its supposed to, they will continue to charge your credit card as the gas overflows out of your tank until someone notices and yells "turn the gas off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 304

You deserved it 52 188

By lovebigmacs - 06/10/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 111

You deserved it 41 906

Party for One!

By Sam - 08/12/2017 01:30

Today, at the supermarket, I bought a cake and had my friend's name put on it. It wasn't anyone's birthday, I just wanted to feel less ashamed about buying a whole cake for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 960

You deserved it 2 101

By SimpleSadie - 22/04/2017 16:00

Today, after finally going to therapy for anxiety like everyone wanted, I discovered the itching feeling that kept me awake at night was actually caused by a bedbug infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 616

You deserved it 461

By wtf - 30/08/2011 12:16 - India

Today, it's my birthday. I've been dropping strong hints all year about wanting to learn to tap-dance, hoping for some decent tap shoes. Instead, I got a beekeepers outfit and some furry dice to hang on my wreck of a car's rear-view mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 490

You deserved it 4 075

By GirlOnTheFly - 27/06/2012 04:20 - United States - Uniontown

Today, I was finally able to drive my brother's nice car instead of my clunker, because he left for college. First thing I do? Back into the neighbors' mailbox while exiting the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 888

You deserved it 33 414

By Moose - 07/12/2012 17:06 - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 581

You deserved it 31 381

Haunted house

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 16:58 - Germany

Today, I jumped when, after being home alone for days, I suddenly saw the door handle move. Apparently, the cats weren't happy about being locked out of the kitchen and were pretty close to figuring things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 03/10/2011 03:29 - United States

Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 981

You deserved it 2 266

Adapt, improvise, overcome

By Arthur B. - 24/09/2019 12:01

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 422

By noooooooo - 18/03/2013 00:10 - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 493

You deserved it 6 202

By Charitable - 30/06/2014 05:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I donated to a charity website. My card was repeatedly refused by the website but when I went on my account, I was charged for each time I tried. I was scammed by a charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 509

You deserved it 8 824

After shower

By Anonymous - 17/01/2020 20:00

Today, my sister snuck into the bathroom while I was in the shower (the locks broke) and took my clothes and towels. I came out and quickly went to my room. As I went in, my sister was sitting on my bed with two friends watching TV. I instantly covered up, but they saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 617

You deserved it 288

By Anonymous - 25/12/2011 07:28 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom telling my younger sister not to use my razors because she "doesn't know what I may have." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 927

You deserved it 4 962

By SHIIIIITTTT - 10/08/2012 23:16 - United States - Houston

Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 984

You deserved it 1 769

By Anonymous - 19/04/2009 03:34 - New Zealand

Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said that it wasn't really appropriate for me to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 007

You deserved it 5 583

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Top comments

barlessprison 16

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:17

I hope the first thing you did once you got out was to give your brother a huge bear hug.

iPeterPan 8

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:18

Shit, that's horrible. I hope you slept in his bed when you got home, before your shower!

funky103 5

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:16

hahaha sucks

siickman 7

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:26

No shit sherlock.

hahayourmom101 5

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Friday 27 April 2012 1:00

Does OP mean manure? mulch is made of wood chips..

barlessprison 16

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:17

I hope the first thing you did once you got out was to give your brother a huge bear hug.

SoMuchSnailGame 3

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:38

Oh no you were in a pile of dirt! Your life is defintely fucked

ihasbrains 10

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Thursday 26 April 2012 9:49

I hope the first thing the moderators do is fix his tense errors ;_;

evig_fml 16

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Thursday 26 April 2012 10:10

The first thing I would have done was *enter extremely inappropriate and vulgar statement describing what I would have done* and then I would have sat down with a smile on my face and a sandwich in my hand :) (I feel like my comment is irrelevant, but what do I care it's 1 AM where I live and I'm tired so judge me as harshly as you please)

ClassyCommando 13

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Thursday 26 April 2012 10:23

Well, 2, there's not mulch else OP can do with a situation like that, so why not give it a try...

Osito2011 9

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Thursday 26 April 2012 11:47

I always thought mulch was wood chips mixed with soil and fertilizer was shit.

norotors 16

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Thursday 26 April 2012 12:15

Since when is mulch made of shit?

RacerX1695 1

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Thursday 26 April 2012 13:31

Eve notice how this is the first comment but was given the number 2? Just sayin'…

fymother 13

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Thursday 26 April 2012 14:22

Mulch = usually some form of wood chips in various states of decay Manure = literal shit OP, did you mean manure?

2stroke 2

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Thursday 26 April 2012 15:45

Not always there's cow manure in it to a lot to

ClassyCommando 13

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Thursday 26 April 2012 16:38

I *sniff*, I was kinda hoping that more people would like my pun :(

demo3000 0

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Thursday 26 April 2012 17:28

Fucking shut up

THE_A_TEEN 27

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Thursday 26 April 2012 18:10

^Fuck you, Man.

iPeterPan 8

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Friday 27 April 2012 7:14

You made me lol, you punny guy.

eatpussy 0

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:18

What a shitty situation

iloveursister 4

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:28

yea...you're funny

decko44 7

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:30

Ahhh... Bad puns you have to love to hate them

littlemsweirdo 12

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:38

Shittiest overused pun EVER.

skitzofunia88 8

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:42

I'm tired of people giving a thumbs down when someone uses this pun. It's relevant to the situation and is kinda humorous, someone is bound to say it. The only reason people don't like it is because it's been said a thousand times. Instead of giving a thumbs down or up, why don't you just not vote on it instead? Give the person a zero. Because that's what they deserve.

Chazyj 4

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Thursday 26 April 2012 9:09

Shitty pun

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

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Thursday 26 April 2012 12:10

The only funny thing about this pun is the fact that it's always hilariously buried within seconds of appearing.

iPeterPan 8

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:18

Shit, that's horrible. I hope you slept in his bed when you got home, before your shower!

yankfan89 27

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:19

Or covered the brother's bed in mulch as pay back.

mystashisgone 6

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Thursday 26 April 2012 8:46

Would be better to fill his car with it.... Oh what a surprise that would await him

missalkali 8

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Thursday 26 April 2012 13:14

9- that's pretty much the idea...

iheartstewie7 5

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:19

That's when you hit him in the head with your shovel.

LupeTabasco 5

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Thursday 26 April 2012 19:01

That's when you shit in his pillow.

richy90255 8

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Friday 27 April 2012 2:11

^^Like your picture^^

Blueglasscup 18

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:19

I would have gotten back at him by flinging the mulch on your body all over his stuff.

tacojauns 45

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Monday 21 January 2013 19:57

isn't mulch wood chips and manure is shit?

coried91 28

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:19

Well, when you eventually get up shovel up some of the shit and chuck it at him to see if he likes it.

octopussperm125 18

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Thursday 26 April 2012 7:19

Shit happens

SkyBirdy 5

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Friday 27 April 2012 5:14

Love your picture

lil_ham1644 29

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:48

There is a difference between mulch & manure. I've worked at a greenhouse/farm for like 4 years. Mulch is usually like wood chips of different kinds of wood. Manure is self explanatory.