Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML
Today, my boyfriend didn't come home from a night of drinking with the boys again, so I told him that I was packing my things and I wouldn't be here when he came home. After all my things were packed, I realized he drove my car to the bar. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, my boyfriend sneaked into my room, not knowing I wasn't home. It would have been great, except my dad went in my room to put laundry away. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML
Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
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Top comments
KatherineAnne 7
You sure know how to pick um! Haha
chick92282 15
And then you broke up with the thieving little slime, right? PLEASE tell me you broke up with the @ss!
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Comments (178)
Quest07734 7
Lets see, he is a liar, a thief, a drug addict(most likely), and has the balls to do it while meeting your parents. Unless you are a zookeeper, it's time to let go of the animal.
thiscrazything 1
What a looser. Let him go, he will become someone else's nightmare.
gracehi 33
Yes, OP's boyfriend just loves to loosen things >.<
thiscrazything 1
My bad. Please forgive me, and don't send me to grammar/spelling jail.... (Loser).
Sumo69 9
Your boyfriend crackhead lose that zero
1094568 1
Are you sure you know what is an Ambien?:O
rhysfucker 24
******* hippies. This would have never happened in Iowa.
SomeAnonymousBro 4
Alright listen, it's wrong that he's stealing from your bag OP. I can say that. But all this shit about you commenters talking about "dumping the asshole" is really shallow. How many of you have actually been an addict? That's what I thought. It's not fun and games. So get your facts straight first.
gracehi 33
I'm sure being an addict is no picnic, but neither is being robbed. "Oh he's an addict, so it's okay that he stole from my mom. Guess I'll keep dating him" Make sense? Of course not! And what about the next fine he steals? Or the next time? Where is the line drawn? She might as well dump him now.
gracehi 33
What about the next *time he steals? Autocorrect strikes again!
1094568 1
You know he wouldn't have stole it If OP's mom didn't have the drug in her peruse.... Does that make OP's mom a addict for having the drug...?
gracehi 33
Not necessarily. She could just be an insomniac. But whether she's addicted to what is likely her prescription which she legally bought and paid for is irrelevant to the issue of the boyfriend's theft and possible addiction.
nightowl713 25
That might be an acceptable case to make, if he were a long time serious boyfriend. She would be emotionally invested. But they obviously weren't dating long if that was his first time meeting the parents. So no, I agree with everyone else. Dump his ass. No sense in involving yourself with someone you KNOW has a problem, that would be like someone saying... I just got out of prison for murder, want to date me? She would be a fool to stay.
gloria89108 1
Oh my god how embarrassing !!!!! Kick him to the curb NOW !!!!!!!! Smh!!!
gloria89108 1
What a freakin looser !!!!!
KiddNYC1O 22
You loose!
coried91 28
Everyone is screwing up with spelling loser. What the hell?! Shit, I didn't know it was that difficult to spell.
lynkynpark86 7
You might want to go on a first date before introducing them to your parents...
SSGDE6USArmy 0
Sorry to say it but he would be to the curb, I have had addicts in my family that started small and worked their way up to stealing and robbing from a babies piggy bank so I have no sempathy for the douche, call the cops and have his azz locked up !!!!
thejargogler 4
I wish I was that bold