Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML
Today, my boyfriend didn't come home from a night of drinking with the boys again, so I told him that I was packing my things and I wouldn't be here when he came home. After all my things were packed, I realized he drove my car to the bar. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, my boyfriend sneaked into my room, not knowing I wasn't home. It would have been great, except my dad went in my room to put laundry away. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML
Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
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Top comments
KatherineAnne 7
You sure know how to pick um! Haha
chick92282 15
And then you broke up with the thieving little slime, right? PLEASE tell me you broke up with the @ss!
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Comments (178)
jerseyboy732 16
yeah 127 that's seriously creepy
nickpwnes 4
Haha lol
octopussperm125 18
Shoulda been lookin for the oxy's
rock0 0
Well maybe he has insomnia
Ugi 27
And lost his own prescription. And desperately needs to sleep. During dinner.
thewickedwitch 6
that's wrong! what a jerk!
rock0 0
Well since you have the credentials
KunoKanashimi 3
I thought he was masturbating...Well, my mind is elsewhere...In a very dirty place...
coried91 28
Eh, I thought that was where the FML was heading as well. You're not the only one.
skittlesmeep 4
There goes the trust.
Ugi 27
OK, let's recap: You take your BF to meet your parents for the first time. We can therefore safely say that either he will be trying to impress them or he doesn't expect to be involved with you in the medium term. He steals an entire box of pills from your mother. Prescription meds that she will certainly miss pretty soon. Med's that are known to be open to abuse. He does this while taking an excessively long time alone in your parents house on the rather weak lie of supposedly going to the bathroom. An absence that will be obvious and well remembered. Add these up and we can conclude: He lies He steals He takes drugs He doesn't care if you know these things. He doesn't care if your parents know this. He doesn't intend to be with you for long. Hummm.... You decide.
lovepandorasaver 11
Great point, I hope OP realizes this.
stompic 2
just break up with him. all he can be is a jerk for doing such a thing. :)