Smells like teen shit

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks 52 973
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Top comments

hashshim 23

Cardinal rule of dating: never take a dump at their house the first time you're there.

317 5

Comments

rybaby23 8

Then it could smell like shitrus! Haha

138 2
incoherentrmblr 21

"Her name's Krabappel? All this time i've been calling her crabapple..." - Homer Simpson.

23 6
incoherentrmblr 21

*beeping noise* WHAT THE F**K!!! *boom*

6 23
Roskosity 22

@54 No. I don't.

11 4
Ololo_fml 16

next time just leave a note: "Crapfully yours, The Claw aw holy CRAP!"

0 11
The_Big_Boss 20

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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theawkwardlife 21

Once I found a turd in the public toilet that was so big that it made me wonder if the reason they didn't flush was because it left the owner paralyzed. So ya, no ones gonna look at your shit and think, "Wow that's amazing! I aspire to one day have a shit like this one!" No pride. Just pity.

226 7
xNotCreative 13

I could've went my whole life without knowing this and I would've been okay.

130 1
\ 28

#4 - It just means you eat a lot/have a shitty diet. That's nothing to be proud of, holmes

29 2
JoshTheTacoMan 19

#50 Have you seen Men In Black 3? Agent K. Almost forgot to leave a tip which would've blown up the Earth. Maybe you would've been eaten by a turtle if you didn't know this. You never know.

7 2
markcallanan_ 20

Should've used air freshener

98 4
domolovesyoshi 33

except their probably wasn't any although it doesn't say the Op was probably at the in-laws house

17 6
lexiieeex3 32

And if the family doesn't have any, then what?

3 0
hashshim 23

Cardinal rule of dating: never take a dump at their house the first time you're there.

317 5
184886837272837 32

it's not like the fact that you poop is something to be kept secret

53 5
garebear61 14

@7 No, but it may help save some embarrassment as it seems op experienced on this date.

44 3
theawkwardlife 21

I don't know if it's just me, but pooping is not a choice. I don't think she purposely went to her boyfriend's parents house with a plan to take a shit.

141 2
Enslaved 36

Maybe I'm different but for some reason (unless I get struck by food poisoning) I'm able to hold my shit surprisingly for serval hours. I can't remember the last time I used a public restroom to do the deed. It's always been done privately in my own home. Granted sometimes I did rush home because my booty wanted to play-- turtle poking its head out!

102 8
whenitdidhappen 14

@ 26, she should have "prepared" herself before going out though.

1 15
TunaFireStarter 16

"Prepared?" By what? Using an enema? If I can't go, then I can't go. And I'll hold it as long as I can when I'm not home, but if I really have to go, then there's no stopping it. Everyone poops, and I feel like others shouldn't make a big deal out of it, even if it's horrific smelling. It must have been awfully embarrassing to have the dad yell that out like that!

37 1
zandalee 19

Or at least double flush!! God doesn't everyone know to do this? As soon as the monster is unleashed flush. Then again after wiping. Cuts back on a lot of released stink!

29 1
kairi1994 6

although if you double-flush and someone hears it flushing, they would probably assume you clogged the toilet. :b at least that's what I would think.

22 1
Headcrab 29

I poop before showering before a date. saves you a lot of trouble.

107 4
DumbAndYoung 30

What if you don't have to at all before the date, then later on it just hits you?

26 0
gracehi 31

I once read a book, "Everybody Poops." It taught me to love myself and my fellow earthlings for we all have this in common. You should give it a read, and not be ashamed of your foul excretion.

126 2
name_loading 19

What are you talking about? I've never pooped before...should I see a doctor?

61 4
jennlody 28

"Everyone eats so.... Everyone poops!"

3 1
garebear61 14

So as I am reading this FMl there is a kid in the stall next to me screaming "I can't" followed by groans and crying and I no longer feel comfortable enough to finish my poop! But yea if your letting out something that bad you should've even asked for air freshener as a heads up to everyone else! May be embarrassing, but probably leaves a better impression than the actual situation.

68 5
skittle_QUEEN_YO 15

What the ****??? Are they summoning the devil in there? Holy......

18 2
interesting33 36

I hope they are okay and not trying to hurt themselves or being blackmailed on their phone or something.

1 1
FranklySpeaking 11

There's no shame in the toilet game. If ever asked, just admit to the dispersion of foul waste and keep your head high. If someone walked in after one of my dueces with that reaction, I'd likely chuckle and claim it (maybe apologize if the reaction wasn't exaggerated). I hope you enjoyed dinner.

22 2