Intimacy: Cheats, cheats everwhere - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 89

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 1 213

Cheats, cheats everwhere

By bbbblt - 15/08/2010 11:39

Spicy

Today, my sister got caught cheating on her boyfriend. She was cheating on him with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 770

You deserved it 3 820

Dementia or hate? You decide

Age difference

Insurance is a scam

16/04/2011 19:18

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 221

You deserved it 4 622

17/11/2014 21:05

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 877

You deserved it 5 721

08/10/2015 02:14

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 325

You deserved it 4 058

07/12/2011 01:38

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 970

You deserved it 3 480

07/01/2010 05:01

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I was tired of his childishness and anger, so he decided to send me 540 random text messages of scrambled letters in order to mess up my phone as well, as make me pay 20 cents for each message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 465

You deserved it 5 709

04/08/2012 17:15

Today, my friend and I were discussing music bands, and I asked who her favorite Queen member is. She looked at me like I was from another world and said, "I don't have a favorite British queen. That's like, so weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 973

You deserved it 3 488

21/06/2012 05:40

Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 258

You deserved it 9 394

05/08/2011 21:47

Today, my dad nearly had a head-on collision with another car, but I grabbed the wheel at the last second, potentially saving both our lives. He spent the rest of the car trip pissed at me because I'd "interfered" with his driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 982

You deserved it 2 900

27/09/2013 08:18

Today, I was working the night shift when a guy came in smelling like alcohol. He kept muttering his order, so I leaned over the register to hear him better. My ear now smells of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 754

You deserved it 4 415

25/08/2015 06:49

Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 811

You deserved it 1 809

27/03/2016 16:53

Today, the first words I heard from my "good, Christian" future mother-in-law included a salvo of curse words and a hushed rant about "them dirty Jews". I'm culturally Jewish. This bodes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 024

You deserved it 1 783

Psychotic

By lostkid - 09/05/2021 08:01

Today, my mom strictly banned me from doing any of my chores, because I missed a spot while wiping the counters. She then screamed at me for not doing my chores. When I went to go do them, she screamed at me for doing my chores when I’m not allowed. I can’t win here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 72

22/04/2015 13:31

Today, I saw a lady with a stroller in the park. She stopped at the water fountain and got a drink, then left without her baby. I ran to the stroller and started rolling it after her. Two grown men attacked me, accusing me of trying to steal said baby. Turns out it was a baby doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 222

You deserved it 2 564

04/10/2009 06:13

Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 015

You deserved it 5 727

15/01/2009 02:25

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 802

You deserved it 2 695

31/08/2011 16:25

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 612

You deserved it 5 708

05/12/2010 05:13

Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 181

You deserved it 67 025

It's a pillow soft for my neck

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 21:01

Today, while tucking my toddler in bed and telling her I love her, she responded with, "And I love your bouncy castle belly!" I know I'm overweight, but I didn't think I was that fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 150

18/02/2014 01:57

Today, I was feeling really good about myself for running and walking everywhere so much so that I was out of breath and panting. Well, until I remembered that I was playing a video game and it was my character that was doing the running around that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 939

You deserved it 43 827

29/03/2014 02:07

Today, I was babysitting my 4-month-old niece at the park, when a woman came up to me and said, "Don't worry, dear. You'll get your figure back soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 568

You deserved it 4 685

03/03/2017 12:00

Today, I was stuck in a window seat next to the biggest/angriest man I've ever seen. During the trip I reached down to pick up what I thought was my pillow but instead managed to pull off his huge sock. Couldn't put it back so had to pretend I had no idea why he was glaring at me when he woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 836

You deserved it 940

06/08/2014 13:21

Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 241

You deserved it 4 020

09/07/2011 00:11

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 954

You deserved it 83 754

06/01/2015 14:10

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 857

You deserved it 2 465

05/11/2018 12:00

Today, I had to get a urine analysis done for my doctor. I take medicine that makes me a little shaky sometimes. Guess who spilled their pee all over themselves while trying to put the lid on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 779

You deserved it 202

Cover up

By atsukobo - 02/11/2020 22:59

Today, after a nasty fight with my military husband, which resulted in mandatory marriage counseling, he told me we needed to talk about the fight. Not talk it over and apologize; talk it over so our stories are consistent when we see the therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 153

17/09/2009 17:32

Today, my professor informed me that if I didn't "show more commitment" to my choral ensemble he would give my spot to a "more interested young woman." I missed class to see my neurologist. Apparently my seizures are a symptom of lack of commitment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 298

You deserved it 2 752

Crisis

By Anonymous - 29/07/2020 23:00

Today, I had a customer throw his purchase at me and demand a refund after I told him that, due to the national change shortage, I couldn't give him his 38 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 314

27/04/2013 04:11

Spicy

Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 482

You deserved it 15 361

07/05/2011 21:42

Today, I was walking through my kitchen when I discovered a weak spot in the floor. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to fix the giant hole caused when I put my foot through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 391

You deserved it 4 792

Awkward

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 14:02

Spicy

Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 266

13/04/2011 22:57

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 687

You deserved it 7 626

Dick appointment

By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 21:01

Spicy

Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my upper thigh. He kept rubbing it and moaning, "Oooooh, I bet you like that, baby." No, sir, I certainly did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 246

Leave some for the rest of us

By Fourth Wheel - 15/07/2021 11:01

Today, I met up with a couple I know, who wanted to introduce me to someone. I thought they were setting me up with her, but no. They were coming out as polyamorous, and she was their new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 114

OK Stephanie, whatever

By yankeebelle - 06/03/2009 00:15

Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtly pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 689

You deserved it 3 496

23/09/2014 20:19

Today, we spent an entire day without being able to do work because our internet connection was down. Turns out, only the router had crashed and nobody bothered to reset it "to avoid doing further damage". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 455

You deserved it 3 428

Germaphobe

By AFSDALK:AFSDQWE - 23/11/2013 18:33

Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 998

You deserved it 3 773

22/06/2013 21:16

Today, while volunteering at a local museum, I politely told an elderly gentleman to have a nice day. He responded by yelling "NO" and storming off. Everyone looked at me like I was some sort of monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 740

You deserved it 3 226

03/07/2012 23:50

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 638

You deserved it 3 610

09/11/2012 18:39

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 321

You deserved it 3 479

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Top comments

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:11

I'd pretty much kill both of them, then go for her bf

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:10

Wow, your sister is a bitch and your boyfriend is a dick as well. that sucks OP

Comments

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:10

Wow, your sister is a bitch and your boyfriend is a dick as well. that sucks OP

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:11

hey guys lets reply on 1's thread

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:15

Threesome?

Blue_Black_fml 21

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:17

you sleep with her boyfriend...

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:22

What a Bitch! I'm sorry! =[

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:59

sounds like the start of a porno.

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Sunday 15 August 2010 20:14

Cheat with hers(: jk I'm sorry

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Sunday 15 August 2010 20:31

at least it doesn't say "today my sister got caught cheating on her boyfriend... with me"

skyler_kitttyyy 0

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Sunday 15 August 2010 20:38

foursome

skyler_kitttyyy 0

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Sunday 15 August 2010 20:40

sorry miss under stode she is b***

KingDingALing 9

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Sunday 15 August 2010 21:08

#9, if OP's sister cheated on her boyfriend then i doubt OP's sister would care if he cheated on her...

missmontreal97 4

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Sunday 15 August 2010 21:26

ur sis is a slut and ur bf is an asshole. why don't you go chill with her bf ? I would so do that :]

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Sunday 15 August 2010 22:07

ur sister isn't a whore she just likes to have fun. and shes just unsure of what she wants. don't be mad at her. def don't be mad at ur bf...obviously u need to put out more.

jack59splat59 0

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Sunday 15 August 2010 22:54

7=Epic Fail 42=Win

MonkeyBusiness_fml 3

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Sunday 15 August 2010 23:29

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

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Sunday 15 August 2010 23:47

If you really believe that, your a dumb ass, for reasons that probably need stating considering you think that way, but I won't bother to anyway. You obviously don't need your boyfriend, especially if he's gonna cheat on you. Your sister on the other hand, you need to alienate completely. Thats completely disgusting. A friend or neighbor, you can deal. But having to deal with that shit from your sibling is unacceptable.

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Monday 16 August 2010 0:26

You got one classy sister -not

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Monday 16 August 2010 1:29

wahata bitchhh...

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Monday 16 August 2010 4:18

62. are you dumb?

shortstuff9519 0

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Monday 16 August 2010 9:03

switch bfs with her then it's a win win

cmac86 23

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Monday 16 August 2010 10:48

and she would deserve it.

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Monday 16 August 2010 14:01

ouch... how horrible!! maybe you should avoid introducing your next bf to your sister...better yet avoid a sister like that all together!

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Monday 16 August 2010 16:25

lmao,.24.. typical guy >.>

lildrummerboy47 0

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Monday 16 August 2010 17:09

wow. that's weird. my mom buys me condoms and I'm 17.

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Monday 16 August 2010 21:00

haha

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Tuesday 17 August 2010 0:56

No.. 4Some :) Fyl OP

InfiltratedMind 0

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Tuesday 17 August 2010 11:18

@12 Iran right or was that Israel i can't remember but I think Iran

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Wednesday 18 August 2010 10:48

dayummm. THAT'S what's up.

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Sunday 22 August 2010 10:20

I agree. set those bitches straight. cut his dick off or something

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Monday 8 August 2011 22:15

You're a bitch.

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:11

I'd pretty much kill both of them, then go for her bf

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Sunday 15 August 2010 20:12

right on

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Sunday 15 August 2010 20:15

I would have killed her in a violent way then I would publicly humiliate my bf then punch him, then kick him in the balls, then go out with my sister's boyfriend

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Sunday 15 August 2010 20:45

awwh ahaha I had a breakup scare today. omfg

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Sunday 15 August 2010 20:52

Sounds to me that OP and her sister's boyfriend should date and f*ck the other 2. Let them have each other.

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Monday 16 August 2010 9:38

I would eat a cheeseburger

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:11

kill them both

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Sunday 15 August 2010 21:55

Here's what you do: Date HER boyfriend.

XxFallenbladexX 0

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:13

loyal bf right?

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:17

double whammy

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:20

her second job as a hooker..

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:24

agh! been there, been through that crap /: totally FYL

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:26

I agree with 7 don't be selfish join in

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Monday 16 August 2010 6:06

wow your daughter is really pretty.....or is that your hooker?

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:28

Kill her and your boyfriend.

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Tuesday 17 August 2010 0:13

And then go for her boyfriend. Or, better yet, let both of them catch you with her boyfriend, and then you can kill them both.

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:28

go with your sisters boyfriend at least you know he won't cheat. let your whore sister have your boyfriend lol that sounds like a fair trade to me

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Sunday 15 August 2010 19:51

My thoughts exactly.