Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML
Today, I dropped my urine sample on my pants. Not only do I now not have a sample, it looks like I pissed myself. FML
Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML
Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML
Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML
Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML
Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML
Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML
Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
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Top comments
5t3ff1k4h 47
The idea of a drug test is to ensure you don't have any drugs in your system, not to see how many drugs you can cram into your system at once. YDI.
theblondeone 16
Why would you take a drug test if you know you're going to fail?
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Comments (71)
unspoken96 9
some medicines can give a negative result...
Aethereal 14
I think you mean "positive". In that case, though, there'd be medical records or receipts to check. (Always be wary of OTC stuff.)
kristinjeaneen 21
Way to waste people's time and money on a drug test you knew you were going to fail. YDI
EvilLittleMan 23
Urine the unemployment line.
Jdgreen429 13
Well you sound like a winner
justsayingbeach 15
Proven studies show drug tests are almost pointless unless someone's used in 24 hours so waste of everyone's money really
BREADFAN 5
If you ever want to get rid of your addiction, the drug hotline numbers for different countries is: 1-800-662-4357 (u.s.a), 0808-8005015 (u.k), 1300-36-36-32 (Australia), 142 (Austria), 106 (Belgium), 3911270 (Botswana), 604-872-3312 (Canada)
Hambrick_Face 1
Sounds like you forgot to study. Drug tests don't piss themselves positive.
ericanicole1 12
This just made me remember the scene from workaholics where the guy from the company is like 'were gonna be doing drug tests today' and the other guy (i don't remember names) said 'cool what kind of drugs are we testing?'
tntscl 4
That's why it's always a good idea to be sober while taking a UA
tragik313 3
haha where you high at the time? that's the only way this gets funnier. do what the smart stoners do. three weeks sober and lots of water. if you failed for real drugs (not weed) get help man.