Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Same thing different taste
Pissed
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML
Butterfingers
Today, I dropped my urine sample on my pants. Not only do I now not have a sample, it looks like I pissed myself. FML
Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML
Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML
Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML
Are you taking the piss?
Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML
Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML
Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML
Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
Top comments
5t3ff1k4h 47
The idea of a drug test is to ensure you don't have any drugs in your system, not to see how many drugs you can cram into your system at once. YDI.
theblondeone 16
Why would you take a drug test if you know you're going to fail?
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Comments (71)
lucylifts 7
Why can't I YDI
captain_hero89 22
I almost failed mine last week because I went to visit my mom and she smokes weed
engel2882 3
You can't "almost fail". You either do or don't. So really, you didn't fail because being close to someone doesn't mean you "catch their drugs". Even if she was smoking around you, a cheap drug test is unlikely to pick up the second hand smoke from one visit.
CrazyChiC42 10
My friend who lived with her mother and mother's boyfriend failed a drug test because they both smoke weed around her. You can also fail if you eat something with popyseeds
Xarzith 9
You have to eat poppy seeds regularly. And they flush out of your system easly. So a second drug test with that as an excuse probably won't fly.
captain_hero89 22
you're allowed 50 nanograms in your system. i had 40. i was sitting by my mom and got a bit of second hand smoke. also there is nothing cheap about the drug tests that are taken when working in the oil patch
hobojoe154 15
Urine trouble. I'm sorry for that awful pun.
kuffis 11
I hope you have some weed left to get mellow after such a stressful day! You wouldn't be in trouble if the people before you had fought harder to LEGALIZE IT!
InfiniteSunshine 32
How do you know it was weed that he got busted for? There's lots of other drugs, it could have been crack or meth for all you know. I'm all for legalizing pot, but no matter how much people push for it, that only goes so far. It's up to the government and authorities to actually put it through the process and change the laws, which sometimes they just refuse to do. Plus, in places where it has been illegal for a very long time, legalizing it will take a while, especially since it is still a drug, so like cigarettes, it's going to need regulations.
samwilliams800 28
Even if it was legalized businesses can still reject your offer of employment if it's in your system.
sirrubberduckie 37
#26, in the United States, the citizens change state law by putting the issue on the ballot by gathering signatures, and then voting for it.
InfiniteSunshine 32
Um, that's not exactly the way it works #51. There's a lot more steps and process to it and in the end, it can still be vetoed or denied. It starts as a bill which can be suggested by basically anyone, include groups of individuals, that is true. However, only legislators can move it through the law-making process, if you don't have this, it won't work. Then it is brought before the state's House of Representatives and Senate. The law needs to be sponsored by a legislator, who brings it before the Legislature. It then goes through the first reading. Then the bill is referred to a House committee where it is discussed and either approved or disapproved. Finally, in the final stage, it is sent to the state governor to be signed into law, vetoed, or allowed to automatically become a law if not signed.
sirrubberduckie 37
#55, that's absolutely not how it works for all states. Look up a ballot initiative and read about how it works in the states that allow it. I was overzealous in asserting that it works that way in all states. It doesn't. But the legislature has absolutely nothing to do with, and no veto power over, a citizen ballot initiative in states like Ohio.
Dictionaryspeaks 18
I always study for my drug tests
beararm 11
wat drugs u be doing that u forget how to aim? wtf
gamermonster 34
What drugs did you use to forget how to use proper grammar?
ollygollymolly 6
If it was a random test then I still can't give you a "your life sucks". If your job has random tests then you shouldn't be doing drugs, that's your fault. It sucks that you peed on yourself...maybe work on that?
AbbotsfordVandal 14
YDI for using, if it's not for pain
KayPlay 19
The saying is "Aim high" not "Be high"
species4872 20
Look at that, drugged and stupid!