384
Add a comment
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Create my account Sign in
Top comments
By  FFML_314  |  19

Abuse is a horribly traumatic thing to endure at any point in your life. I'm sorry OP that you had to go through that. I hope the person that hurt you is rotting in jail or in hell. I have 0 tolerance for abusers. I hate people that make excuses for someone that's abusive. You shouldn't be able to walk this earth if you allow such evil to escape from your body! I have dealt with so many sex offenders and it makes me sick to think about the things these people would do. Your girlfriend is obviously being insensitive, but she may just be scared.

Comments
Reply
  gIsaac  |  7

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply
  glen12  |  7

this one time one of my families friends brother wanted to take pics of me when I was 11 I was never the same, I hope that bitch gets what she deserves, a man less than you op. n 35- yr a hottie :)

Reply
  FFML_314  |  7

40, you're wrong. A man that molests little boys is not necessarily gay and not all pedophiles are born that way. This may be why the OPs girlfriend left him, out of fear. 75% of the sex offenders I worked with were sexually abused as children and 9/10 by a close family member. Some commit their crimes out of anger/revenge or hatred, because of their childhood. Yes, there are some sex offenders that are genetically prone to offending, but that is not always the case. The topic is not so black and white. A man that molests little boys doesn't always find men attractive, it's a sense of entitlement and power, something they lacked growing up. When you're abused as a child, you feel helpless, alone, scared and angry. You will find so many pedophiles that will tell you, "I did it because I had to go through it and I didn't want to be alone or if I deserved it, why didn't they?" I despise sex offenders with a passion, but in order to see the big picture you have to dive into their sick world and uncover a lot of pain and resentment. You can't go through life blinded with things that you gather from the media or people on the street. People should take initiative and find these things out. It's important because, it gives you a heads up and believe me when I say this, I can point out a pedophile much easier now. Educate yourself on topics like this. A lot of people take risks when it comes to their children and it's becoming harder and harder to keep our children safe. Always put your children first. If you feel the need to walk away from a relationship, because there may be a red light flashing inside your head, even if it's not true and it may hurt the other person, go with your instincts.

Reply
  Trupe  |  7

I know this is a serious fml and all, but all the people saying "fuck her" Op might take that the wrong way. I think that's what she's scared of haha

Reply
  FFML_314  |  7

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply
  ygdrassil  |  7

Just a note on statistics: the fact that 3 in 4 child molesters were molested as kids is all but irrelevant. What does matter is the percentage of those molested as kids who do go on to molest children. This percentage is much lower: less than 5 percent. Between 1 and 4 percent of the general population is a sex offender. This makes OP just 1-4% more likely to molest her children than any other man.

Reply
  FFML_314  |  7

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply
  mysfit  |  7

no kidding! how horrible. she should watch for signs (just in case, as it's true that people with that past are more likely to act on it, too) but if there are no warning signs, just keep it in mind! but that's a really uncalled for reaction. sorry, op. /=

Reply
  nabo4u  |  7

fyl indeed. you're better off without that stupid twat. she's obviously not mentally equipped to deal with sensitive issues. if anything, her kids will be screwed up because of HER. f her kid's lives.

Reply
  ktbird  |  7

I agree with 91. 3/4 pedophiles being molested as kids does not mean 3/4 people molested become pedophiles. These two statistics are independent of each other and shouldn't be confused with each other.

Reply

Even though I feel bad for OP, the gf's fears are indeed valid. If you're put in a situation where you are uncertain about the safety/well-being of your children, any responsible parent would do what it takes to get rid of all doubts regarding their safety. This is not to say that I think OP is untrustworthy, however OP shouldn't want to be with someone who has those doubts about him but stays with him anyway. I broke up w/ someone b/c I got bored. does that make me mean? No, but my reason is less savory than OP's ex. People have a right to do what they think is best for them & what mmakes them happy & not live with any doubts. But honestly this is why I don't tell anyone about things that happened to me b/c I know they'll make me regret it.

Reply
  andreezy273  |  7

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply
  JayColt  |  7

FFML your stupid stop trying to correct people with a comment that takes up the whole screen. this isn't "correct people and tell 5 facts that support your correction app" Jeez get a life my god

Reply
  dudeitsdanny  |  7

I agree with 91. Let's say 50% of Americans commit crimes, and 56% of americans are women. Does that mean only women commit crimes and that of all women only 6% don't? That was a false statistic, but you get the point. It doesnt matter how many abuse victims are among sex offenders, but how many sex offenders are among these victims. Kind of narrow-minded to look at the statistic that focuses on the negative.

Reply
  RedPillSucks  |  7

Thank you, ygdrassil. I was just about to point out the fallacy in peoples arguments when I saw your response. Y'all are looking at things the wrong way round. Most people who were molested do not become molesters. Go read #91's comment.

Reply
  FFML_314  |  7

I'm hoping people aren't under the impression that I think most children that are abused become sex offenders, because that's absolutely not how I see it. The percentage of people that are abused, that become abusers themselves is significantly lower than those that do. People are automatically judging the girlfriend just as they say she judged him. It's a never ending cycle, but the truth is, if she felt in anyway that her children weren't safe, she did the right thing. I'm sure she could have gone about it differently, but we only know what OP is telling us. I'm sure she would have a completely different story to tell. I'm not going to call her a dumb bitch and say she should die for protecting her children. I feel for OP and I'm not assuming he's a child molester, but obviously there was something inside of her that told her it wasn't right. If you were molested as a child, think about how much you wish your mom/dad could have protected you (sometimes they can't) but, I'm sure you wished there was something they could have done, had they known. There are far to many children/teens being abused and if hurting someones feelings could potentially save her child from the pain he was caused, than she made a good choice. In life, relationships come and go, but pain like that lasts forever and OP knows that better than anyone. He will move on from that and hopefully, he's dealing with his trauma the right way. He's in pain from getting his heart broken, but the real pain lies on someone elses hands, not hers. She is not the bad one, the person that molested him is.

Reply

I'm torn here. I agree with some of what FFML and oc are saying, but 91/ydg, ktbird and RedPill make a very important point. FFML, I think you may be giving the girlfriend a too much credit. Sure, she *may* have had a valid reason to have that fear, beyond simply knowing about OP's history. But it's just as likely that she's extremely misinformed about the cycle of molestation, and ignorantly assumed he's permanently damaged and destined to do the same. There's a lot more media focus on the horrific examples of abuse survivors than on the inspiring ones. How many times does the average person hear of a criminal using his abuse as an explanation for his crimes in the news, on tv, in books, etc.? Now compare that to how many times the same person hears stories of sexual abuse victims growing up to be GREAT parents. People can be sheep with this stuff. They can believe what's fed to them without bothering to fact-check. And this is a scary subject, which means people will often overreact out of fear. It's a sick stigma, but people buy into it every day.

Reply
  FFML_314  |  7

I agree IJD, I'm just trying to see it from a wider perspective, because I don't know OP or his girlfriend. I don't think it's fair for people to out right bash her for her choice. It's a topic that's very sensitive and extremely hard to comprehend. I don't want to give OPs girlfriend all the credit, I'm just playing devils advocate. People are certainly misinformed on the subject and it's sad. I don't think OP is a child molester, but like I said, I won't sit and call her a wicked bitch. She may have been abused as a child as well, like you said and hasn't dealed with that herself, who knows? People may think I'm crazy and that's fine, but it's just my opinion. I think a lot of people have a very valid point on here. Like I said, I'm sorry to OP and I hope he's doing ok.

Reply
  FFML_314  |  7

OC, your last statement is absolutley the point I was trying to make. I'm glad somebody gets that I'm not trying to say OP deserved it or is a sick child molester.

Reply
  kwosti  |  7

I agree - you are SO much better off without her. If the woman has absolutely no understanding of abuse, then she'll never be able to support you anyway. AND what a bitch for leaving you when you thought you could trust her. Kudos to you for opening up - fuck her for being an insensitive cow. PS I hope 1 of the other 2 people are the police who may catch and convict the fucker who abused you. You probably are not the only kid he/she has done it to.

Reply
  kwosti  |  7

I agree - you are SO much better off without her. If the woman has absolutely no understanding of abuse, then she'll never be able to support you anyway. AND what a bitch for leaving you when you thought you could trust her. Kudos to you for opening up - fuck her for being an insensitive cow. PS I hope 1 of the other 2 people are the police who may catch and convict the fucker who abused you. You probably are not the only kid he/she has done it to.

Reply
  Sappheyes  |  7

I'll admit, FFML, I am taken aback by the fact that you seem at every turn to defend the ex-GF's standpoint as logical. Would it also be logical to dump every other potential mate because they hold some minor "risk factor"? Most people have suffered some sort of trauma or abuse as children, and others as adults. Some people just have mild personality or psychological disorders that have little or nothing to do with family history. Why, the only logical thing to do is to be impregnated be a sperm donor and raise your children as a single mother. Her reaction was emotional, not logical. If nothing else, she could have at least taken a more subtle route to ending this relationship so as not to potentially deepen the wound that she believes him to have surrounding the event. On a more serious note, I was also sexually abused as a young child. The only person who may be in danger because of that fact, is any person who might attempt to harm my potential future children. If I may also play devil's advocate, perhaps the majority of people who have suffered childhood sexual abuse are like me: more aware of the dangers and risk signs, apt to be vehemently protective of their children against such things, and determined to provide them with a safe environment. If this is the case, then odds are that the ex-GF's children might have been even safer with the OP than with another man, who is just as likely to be harboring some hidden parenting flaw. At any rate, I do not believe that she would have been justified unless she stayed around for a while, discussed how the OP has felt and been affected by this throughout his lifetime, and witnessed his actions around children. We cannot change our pasts. But those who have suffered traumas, and emerged only tempered by them, I believe deserve some credit as strong and rational human beings, perhaps also as parents. As a side note: I agree that child molesters deserve the fullest punishment under the law, but I don't harbor any active, angry resentment against the man who hurt me. (Heads up to those of you who claim that all child molesters are homosexual.) For anyone who has had a similar experience, know that you are already a better person than whoever harmed you. While it may happen, there is no need for them to go to hell. Living your only life as the pathetic scum of a human that they are is already hell enough. Just remember that success is the best revenge.

Reply
  FFML_314  |  7

OK, I am not defending the girlfriend because I think she's right. I'm meerly pointing out that it's not as black and white as so many people on here think. Like I said before, she probably went about it in the wrong way and may have caused OP unnecessary pain. I'm going to assume that most people are not reading all of my posts, because I give my deepest sympathy to OP. I'm not afraid to admit that I was molested as a child, by my brother. He is a sick and twisted individual and believe me when I say, he is not living in hell. Do you know how many sex offenders love what they've done? It gives them a sense of entitlement and they are proud. In my opinion, that type of person does not deserve to share the same air supply as me or any other civilized human being. Some live in hell, a hell that is inside their head, but far to many are proud. Some people are not strong enough to let go and forgive, some hold onto that pain and resentment. I want everybody to understand that I DO NOT think people should go through life giving up on things because of a "minor risk" that being said, his girlfriend, who obviously cared a great deal about him, given the fact that they were in a relationship, obviously felt strongly about the issue and who am I or anyone else to fault her for that? She is not a horrible person for walking away. There are things in life that aren't worth the risk, even if it means it could hurt someones feelings. For example, if I were in a relationship with somebody and had not slept with them and they came to me and said "I was born HIV positive, but I have taken the appropriate classes that give me tips on how to prevent spreading it" I would not take that risk. Even though it's traumatic for him and may hurt him, I'm not going to risk that cycle being repeated. Like I said, relationships do come and go, but your children are yours to protect against all odds. Some people are not willing or able to handle something of that nature and I for one will NOT be that person to judge someone for not being able to deal with it because, IT IS a very serious issue.

Reply
  dasimers  |  7

I mean I lol'd at the opinions In here. both are correct. I've never told anyone details but I was abused as a kid and I don't plan on saying anything more to anyone it happens I'm not some sick twisted ass now. I'm just a regular guy. she is in the wrong and the righ in my opinion.

Reply
  Sappheyes  |  7

Being born with HIV is not a risk. It is a fact. Marrying and having regular sex with a positive person pretty much guarantees that you will eventually catch it. Not so for molestation. And seriously, you just compared HIV infection with being molested as a child? I never said that I don't believe that child molesters deserve punishment. I was simply trying to offer some comfort to those who have experienced it, and yet are currently powerless to legally punish their accosters. I do believe that those who would do such a thing, despite any act they might put on for the public face, are tormented by either guilt or the inability to form a healthy adult relationship. As I was trying to say before, I believe that the statistics are skewed. Most children who are molested tell very few people, if any. Were you included in any of these statistical studies? I certainly wasn't. It would seem that enough of these people go on to become healthy adults and great parents.

Reply

But she didn't seem to be worried about her kids until he told her about his unfortunate past. Yes, one should follow their instincts if they feel their child is in danger. How did her instincts tell her that her boyfriend was just fine right up until she found out about something in his distant past? I realize that some of those molested go on to molest, but trusting someone enough to tell them about what happened to you doesn't make that percentage go up.

Reply
  roxas355  |  7

so not only does she NOT feel bad for you, she breaks up with you? unbelievable! I feel bad for you and I hope u have no problem getting over that asshole

Reply
  gomie  |  7

2635 people have clicked you deserved this, i cant see why, nobody deserves to be sexually abused, there is a lot of heartless people in this world !

Reply
  FFML_314  |  12

It's apparent that it wasn't right and that's ok. You have to be able to move on and not dwell on that relationship. Being abused is horrible and I would never wish that on anyone and I'm very sorry for your suffering, but I don't think your former girlfriend is some crazed woman. I don't know if you have children, but if you don't, try and see it from her point of view. Your personality may not have changed, but the circumstances have and she views you differently. People can say it doesn't matter what the statistics are involving children that are molested who end up being the abuser, but the truth is, it does matter. You can't take risks and even though you're suffering, she is trying to protect her children and hopefully prevent that from happening to them. Not everyone is going to assume you will hurt a child and I'm sure she doesn't think that way. It's better to be safe then sorry. Don't focus on your relationship, focus on your therapy and getting help for your trauma.

Reply
  bretzeller  |  12

Those are the same arguments used to defend anything based on statistics. If someone said they don't want Black people in their neighborhood because they are more likely to be murderers or rapists, that would be true statistically beyond a shadow of a doubt. If you didn't want an Arab in your neighborhood because they are more likely to be terrorists, that too is true. But we call those positions bigotry, and that this too is bigotry of the worst kind, to double victimize. Remember, those who are child molesters are more likely to have been sexually abused, that doesn't meant those who are sexually abused are at a significant risk of becoming child molesters. Totally different numbers here, and the reason why racism and other forms of prejudice are considered inaccurate.

By  FFML_314  |  19

Abuse is a horribly traumatic thing to endure at any point in your life. I'm sorry OP that you had to go through that. I hope the person that hurt you is rotting in jail or in hell. I have 0 tolerance for abusers. I hate people that make excuses for someone that's abusive. You shouldn't be able to walk this earth if you allow such evil to escape from your body! I have dealt with so many sex offenders and it makes me sick to think about the things these people would do. Your girlfriend is obviously being insensitive, but she may just be scared.

Reply
  Hotshot132  |  19

agreed 100% I also have no tolerance for abusers. they should either be in jail for life, or in hell for life. to OP: I really hope that the person that did that to you is away for life.

Reply
  Iowa123  |  19

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Loading data…