Love: Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems...

By Anonymous - 18/06/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 161

You deserved it 3 567

Love

Stop talking!

Don't do favors for strangers

Spreading

By day001313 - 07/04/2012 04:32 - United States - Albany

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 839

You deserved it 3 334

By Depressed - 14/07/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that we should take a break from our relationship, because it'd be best for the both of us. Later, I found out that she really meant it'd be best for her and her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 005

You deserved it 3 575

Awkwaaaaaaard

By Zoe Avila - 09/08/2011 22:55 - United States

Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 826

You deserved it 9 043

By beforegirl - 08/11/2010 21:11 - Australia

Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 472

You deserved it 8 957

By Eivana - 30/11/2018 12:00

Today, I finally got up the nerve to leave my boyfriend. We have no spark and quite honestly, it's been really awkward. I planned to tell him when he came in, and I did. After all was said and done, he handed me the roses and new puppy he had bought for me, a puppy that I had been saving up to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 150

You deserved it 1 281

By Foreveralone - 09/04/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 948

You deserved it 2 976

Naps are important

By bigdikbubls - 01/12/2020 05:58 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, I realised just how badly I procrastinate because I wanted to take a nap before going out for a friend's birthday, but I kept putting it off until I simply didn't have the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 597

Rash decision

By FilthyIke - 21/08/2009 20:17 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 686

You deserved it 4 367

By Red Face, too - 24/10/2018 13:30

Today, I saw Niagra Falls. Not the one in Canada, but the one that was released when I went to check on my period at work. I had no change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 689

You deserved it 253

By Sleep. - 27/11/2014 07:06 - United States - Imperial

Today, I finally got time to take a nap. Later, my mom asked me if I was depressed because I didn't leave my room for 3 hours. She talked to my dad about it, and now my family thinks I'm depressed because I slept for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 431

You deserved it 2 743

By notsohandy - 03/01/2014 22:08 - Denmark - Hadsten

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 779

You deserved it 8 099

By blind eyes - 26/08/2018 14:30

Today, I went to get Lasik eye surgery. Beforehand, they give you an anxiety control pill because you're conscious during the operation. Guess who is immune to the pill and now has to get checked for anxiety disorders before rescheduling the surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 447

You deserved it 159

By StarDust5921 - 04/10/2016 01:55 - United States - Utica

Today, while working at a bank, I helped a customer who was making a large withdrawal. After I counted out his money, I asked "Do you want the strap on?" After a moment of awkward silence, as I realized how that came out, he smiled and said, "No thanks, I don't need one." and winked. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 792

You deserved it 2 153

Pampered

By Pinsky - 04/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, the 61 year-old Vice-President of our company complained about a blister to four landscapers working outside in the July heat, for 10 minutes. He then made me carry his lunch bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 71

By z - 07/11/2008 07:14 - Greece

Today, I found out my "best friends" have gone on a crazy weekend and they didn't invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 261

You deserved it 4 823

By Well, crap - 18/06/2013 15:02 - Denmark - Kongerslev

Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 299

You deserved it 22 185

By Deaf and Dumb - 23/05/2017 18:00

Today, while on the bus, the girl in front of me asked me if I could find the orange she'd dropped. I couldn't see it, but when I told her that there was no orange there, she gave me the strangest look. She'd said ring, not orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 965

You deserved it 577

By Anonymous - 11/04/2013 20:21 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 194

You deserved it 17 447

By missingphoneproblems - 22/07/2012 05:04 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, after being upset at the fact that my phone was stolen at work, I received a note on my locker saying, "100 bucks and you get the phone back." My phone is being held for ransom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 203

You deserved it 1 893

By lopez - 16/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 009

You deserved it 34 989

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:22 - Canada - Langley

Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 341

You deserved it 15 127

By aireeahna - 20/05/2016 06:04 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to. We ended up at his house around 4 a.m., but as we walked through the front door, his ex girlfriend was sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home. They still live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 010

You deserved it 1 068

By Anonymous - 14/01/2017 08:00

Today, I have peace of mind that I am not pregnant, thanks to my IUD. It's not because of the effectiveness of the contraceptive, but my inability to touch my boyfriend. I haven't stopped bleeding since my doctor installed it 3 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 620

You deserved it 666

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 05:30 - Canada

Today, feeling like I needed to relax, I ordered room service at my hotel. When I was finished I went to put the tray outside not thinking about needing a key to get back in. I locked myself out of my room wearing happy face underwear in a $250 a night hotel. I had to go to the lobby to get a new key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 284

You deserved it 26 899

By Anonymous - 28/07/2012 16:02 - United States - South Bend

Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 326

You deserved it 6 066

By workerbee - 09/08/2019 12:00

Today, because of a miscommunication with my boss, the furniture I was renting during my summer job was taken back by the movers. I still have a week of work left and nothing to eat with, and nothing to sit or sleep on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 120

By donguigeek - 24/12/2015 04:32 - France

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 347

You deserved it 1 949

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 21:31 - Ireland

Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 873

You deserved it 34 764

Artificial teeth

By horribleawfulnogoodverybadweek - 15/11/2019 05:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over text because she discovered from my mum that my teeth aren't my natural teeth, and she feels disgusted kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 098

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 14:45 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, my commitment issues were perfectly illustrated when I couldn't put a nail in the wall to hang a painting, because, "What if I change my mind?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 634

You deserved it 5 992

By alealovespurple - 16/08/2009 20:04 - Canada

Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 770

You deserved it 17 186

By Anonymous - 05/07/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 084

You deserved it 9 829

Almost right

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 06:01

Today, I told my mom she made me feel unloved my whole life. She called my sister and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 17:08 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 181

You deserved it 1 544

Not now, mate

By yuen - 16/06/2009 14:59 - Australia

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 517

You deserved it 4 724

By scammed - 18/12/2011 05:18 - Canada

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 836

You deserved it 2 858

By Anonymous - 09/05/2015 18:50 - United States - Humble

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 176

You deserved it 11 054

By Anonymous - 03/05/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Along with a pair of $80 shoes, I bought him a birthday cake, his favorite ice cream and a $15 balloon. I showed up to the party and he was very intoxicated. So intoxicated that he pops the balloon, drops the cake, and throws up all over his new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 493

You deserved it 8 263

By Anonymous - 19/08/2014 21:54 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 898

You deserved it 11 772

By Anonymous - 16/01/2012 20:02 - United States

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 996

You deserved it 4 200

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Top comments

ncochrum 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 15:30

Don't you just love hypocrisy?

blue8795 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 15:32

Oh yeah, it's definitely you with the communication problem. Ha.

ncochrum 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 15:30

Don't you just love hypocrisy?

22cute 17

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Tuesday 11 October 2011 5:09

Maybe she really means, "You have a small dick and I'm trying not to hurt your feelings" Get it?

heavyarmz190 2

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 16:54

People love making rules, almost as much as they love not having to live by it themselves

adventurepaws 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 15:32

that sucks

BboyHero 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 15:32

Ydi for not giving it good to her that's what she means

emmmilyyy 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 18:53

yes. as a girl, if i give really crappy reasons for not wanting to see a guy again, or dumping him, it prob means hes terrible in the sack. sorry buddy. but hey maybe it wasnt your skills.. maybe she really is a crazy bitch

PtMbs 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 21:33

#50, That just means that you and the girl in the story are the ones with communication problems. If he sucks in bed, TELL HIM HOW TO GET BETTER. Selfish bitches.

Heelix 0

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Friday 19 June 2009 1:33

Maybe you both suck in the sack?? you both YDI

apfunction 0

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 17:45

#92: you both ydi? they both they deserve it?

blue8795 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 15:32

Oh yeah, it's definitely you with the communication problem. Ha.

L0veh8te 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 15:36

She got issues

BAbyR 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 15:38

wow

Squirrellord911 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 15:42

I'm guessing you made an argument of what a hypocrit she was right?

purple5 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 15:43

Talk about a cop out.

FormatEntity 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 15:45

I hear ya brother. Almost everyone will run into that kinda girl at least once. Unfortunately I am still seeing that kinda girl myself.

justxdream 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 16:04

haha dump her then wtf

genius_man16 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 16:21

So dump her if you don't like her. Jesus @OP: That sucks, I hate hypocrites with a burning passion, so I can't imagine what I would have done in that situation, lol

emmmilyyy 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 18:55

escape that shit brother. i hate seeing my guy friends date psycho girls that are totally irrational and retarded. cuz it totally makes all girls look terrible. and we arent all terrible.

Heelix 0

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Friday 19 June 2009 1:36

Get as much sex as possible then dump her. I been in the same situation man... when i went out with my ex she used to stalk me, an coz she was a bank teller she looked at all my expenses and bank accounts.. and then she accused me of being a phsyco!!

FranzFerdinand 18

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Monday 20 February 2012 18:25

51- Weren't you the one that just said you did that same sort of thing as OP's girl when you didn't like the sex instead of talking it out like a normal person? God, THIS is why people think every chick is terrible.

chazstah 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 15:47

wow.. my ex was like that. haha you shoulda gave her what she deserved. not a big fan of hitting girls. but just slap them one. those type need it

penizulaface 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 16:49

fuck you. if you were to slap me i would burn your balls off and serve them to you for dinner. or if you wouldnt let me, i'd teabag you and bite them off..... *drools and becomes aroused by the thought of it*

lmmmr 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 17:08

You're a fucking idiot. I'm not surprised you're only 16. Grow the fuck up.

penizulaface 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 17:51

you're a fucking retard. im not surprised you're still a virgin. get laid.

razzumfrazzum 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 21:10

He should've told his homie to powder him up and smacked her with a handful of baby powder lol Stupid people such as her deserve to be pimp smacked with baby powder when they do something stupid. I'm an equal opportunity asshole, your gender will not save you.