Love: Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45461

You deserved it

6508

Favorite

Love

Serious times

Taking stock

Dangling modifier

By Anonyme - France - G?anges

Today, our 8-month-old son had a big cold and his nose was blocked. I couldn't find the baby nose pump in it's usual place, so I went to ask my husband. He had it in his hand, and was using to decorate the cake that was going to be served to tonight's guests, my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29429

You deserved it

2594

Favorite

By Anonymous - India - Kundan

Today, my boss was fired by the board. A few days ago, he dropped several strong hints that he was going to promote me soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47327

You deserved it

3505

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of santa is to a co-worker, and how every parent should tell the truth to their kids. The intercom microphone was on. I single handily told a group of 100 six year olds that santa was not real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16729

You deserved it

72484

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

53613

You deserved it

8704

Favorite

By SugarMyBalls - United States - Winder

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47411

You deserved it

3136

Favorite

By YOURMOM - United States

Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29958

You deserved it

5981

Favorite

By klutz - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14805

You deserved it

56634

Favorite

By "crazycrochetlady"

Today, I'm 7 weeks pregnant. For the first time in a week I feel well enough to eat something that isn't cheerios, a bagel, or crackers . I woke up 2 hours after going to bed with the shits. I'm almost convinced this kid hates me already. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2140

You deserved it

235

Favorite

By SphereMaiden

Today, after ignoring me for about a week, my boyfriend finally broke up with me. Why? He discovered that I use prescription deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4657

You deserved it

370

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my friend explained to me that the toilet paper in his bathroom is "just for show." Now I know why his hamper smells like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1706

You deserved it

115

Favorite

By kaitiem224 - United States - Pratt

Today, my boyfriend of one year and seven months left me for not wanting to have a baby yet. I'm seventeen years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30899

You deserved it

2837

Favorite

By inpain - United States

Today, I learned that my hairdo must resemble a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26869

You deserved it

6186

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

So, it is not immoral ?

Today, my parents were arguing about their relationship. My mom, who is very Christian, yells at my dad for watching porn. My dad responds, "Of course I watch porn, I've told you! I have shown you!" He is also the one who stressed to me at a very young age that porn is immoral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1797

You deserved it

154

Favorite

By CantPublish - United States - Modesto

Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34918

You deserved it

21773

Favorite

By Chops - United States

Today, I was walking from my office to the place i had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. As I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

99615

You deserved it

4391

Favorite

By probably single - Denmark - Gram

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31912

You deserved it

2389

Favorite

By poohanne - United States - Ville Platte

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27857

You deserved it

10211

Favorite

By Goody2shoes - India

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20743

You deserved it

47041

Favorite

By Class - United States - Newton Center

Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32117

You deserved it

4407

Favorite

By me - Canada - Debert

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to ride a bike with no training wheels. After comforting her and assuring her that she'd be fine, I gave her a big push. She fell forward over the handlebars and scraped her chin on the front wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11154

You deserved it

26748

Favorite

By Ian Artis - United States

Today, I walked too close to a first-aid kit sticking out of a wall at work, and it cut my arm. Laughing at the irony, I opened it to get a band aid out. It was empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29775

You deserved it

2804

Favorite

By Bekah - United States

Today, I finished reading a book about the treatment of mental patients and decided to use some of the strategies on my dad. We've never gotten along better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37542

You deserved it

4425

Favorite

By SMRT - Canada

Vote of confidence

Today, I finished my position paper for my social studies class and read it to my mom to get her opinion on it. After I'm done reading it, she asks me if I copied it from somewhere because it sounded very professional and smart, and it didn't sound like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29176

You deserved it

3477

Favorite

By whyme102008 - United States

Family Matters

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

151511

You deserved it

8622

Favorite

By Average - United States

Today, I was chosen as King for our winter formal. Even after I won, nobody wanted to dance with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34654

You deserved it

3869

Favorite

By hjufidskndf - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has been asked by multiple people "why he is going out with such an ugly girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36139

You deserved it

4077

Favorite

By FlabbyPants - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I woke up with every muscle in my body hurting so bad I could hardly walk. Participation in a triathlon, or overdoing it at the gym? No, the results of a day spent cleaning the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28644

You deserved it

6407

Favorite

By Foodcomesfirst - United Kingdom

Brotherly love

Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34031

You deserved it

3674

Favorite

By naomids - United States

Today, my mom asked me to help pick out clothes for my grandma to wear in her casket. I didn't know she'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37156

You deserved it

3002

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30413

You deserved it

4655

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend who I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I find out that last time he saw me, I was blind drunk and vomiting after propositioning him all evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10887

You deserved it

30984

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30827

You deserved it

3356

Favorite

By Kallian - Australia - Sydney

What happened?

Today, I walked home and found a massive branch had fallen into my parking space. My first thought, "Thank God my car wasn't hit!" My second thought, "Where's my car?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2336

You deserved it

114

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says "I see no damage" and drives away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62127

You deserved it

3700

Favorite

By Lionman - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28192

You deserved it

2708

Favorite

By dumb4$$0rz - United States

Today, the grades for one of my courses were released. The class average was higher than that which the department allowed, so the professor had to scale everyone's marks down to meet the policy. I ended up failing because my class was too smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37119

You deserved it

6175

Favorite

By unknown - Canada - Winnipeg

Bye bye love

Today, I ran across the street due to a line of cars waiting for me to cross. Just as I reached the other side, my iPhone slipped out of my hand and fell into the road, just in time to get run over by multiple cars, one after the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25013

You deserved it

7325

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/5/2021 15:01 - United States - Carson City

Corkscrew

Today, I used a menstrual cup for the first time. I couldn't get it out, after what seemed like ages of trying. I had to ask my boyfriend to help me. He'll never look at me the same way again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

882

You deserved it

156

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns and it hurts to sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23459

You deserved it

5711

Favorite

By fineididntwantkidsanyway - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29773

You deserved it

4508

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jes12NV | 0

#1708802 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:05

wow . you're doing something wrong lol

By DefineAlrep | 9

#1708835 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:07

At least she didn't cheat on you. No?

COMMENTS

By jes12NV | 0

#1708802 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:05

wow . you're doing something wrong lol

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1708945 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:20

his creating more lesbians for the porn industry! how is this wrong? thank you op!

allmidnighteyes | 10

#1709013 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:33

...because everyone who likes the same sex does porn.

Impeccable logic.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1709304 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 10:52

#17 hey look it's jackie chan!!

PlastikSeraph | 2

#1710612 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 15:08

I MAKE THE STRAIGHT GIRLS TURN GAY!

TheDrifter | 23

#1710735 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 15:51

I have the same problem op. But is it because I'm that bad or that good?

bh0p | 0

#1711482 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 20:18

no 64 cause then gay guys will turn straight......what do you make bi's go to OP?.......animals? O.o

OrginalOwen | 0

#1711938 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 0:28

he makes good girls go lesbian!

jes12NV | 0

#1712295 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 3:05

hahaha Jared Padalecki FTW

By ICabooseI | 0

#1708824 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:07

because being with you made her feel like"if I'm going to be with a woman, I might as well be with one that looks like a woman."

InnDepth | 0

#1708860 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:09

I wish there was a like button so I can give u one caboose OT ; go date a guy

InDenial | 6

#1710035 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 11:40

There is a like button? Oh and it's OP, not OT :)

77taylah33 | 0

#1710066 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 11:51

what is OT 7?? thought it was OP

Occums_Razor | 0

#1710486 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 14:29

I think it might be "On Topic"

By tboudre | 0

#1708830 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:07

you should help her "ease into it" by doing a 3-way with her & her hot bi-friend.

By DefineAlrep | 9

#1708835 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:07

At least she didn't cheat on you. No?

By spade1997 | 0

#1708850 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:08

your so bad it make woman like woman

ICabooseI | 0

#1708931 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:17

DERP

exotramp | 5

#1710647 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 15:15

lol. agree.

By insertcutename | 3

#1708879 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:12

I say get a sex change. If the women you date afterwards still break up with you, then YDI.

By C6Racer | 0

#1708887 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:12

Orgasmitron will change her mind!

desigirl2010 | 0

#1710250 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:52

oooo from yesterday!

By Clumsyblonde22 | 12

#1708891 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:12

You're the last stop before beavertown

mountneer | 0

#1709329 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 10:57

^very nice.

By maphineRAWRS | 10

#1709000 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:31

ops a switcherrrrr ;)
I'd be seriously worried if I was you. just saying :)

pvthill | 0

#1709052 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:42

15 u really need to clean that shit out from in front the mirror... it caught my attention b4 ur body did

maphineRAWRS | 10

#1709131 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 10:06

haha it was a few months ago, it's gone now, no need to worry ;)

cornix | 0

#1709321 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 10:54

You are probably gay as I didn't see any stuff in front of the mirror. Only noticed a gorgeous body.

maphineRAWRS | 10

#1709976 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 11:18

hehe thanks :)

By pvthill | 0

#1709017 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:34

eat more pussy