Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML
Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML
Today, I was sitting on my boyfriend's lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said, "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
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Top comments
TaylorTheBoss 4
Who tells someone they want to hear something romantic and expects something amazing on the spot
kimmy91 12
I would have said, "My fist loves your face," and punched him.
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Comments (155)
DjeePee 25
If my boyfriend demanded me to say something romantic, I would probably give a silly (sexual) answer as well. You kinda deserved it, OP, spontaneous romanticism ftw! Oh, and I actually find his answer sweet and funny, but hey, that's just me.
cookeemonster 7
How is 'my dick loves your mouth' sweet?
DjeePee 25
Because I see it as a compliment. Maybe I'm strange, but an answer like that would put a smile on my face and a dirty reply in my mouth. So yeah, I think it's sweet.
beklyon 7
Sounds depraved to me.
desireev 18
I couldn't agree with you more! I'm just like, 'It's a joke, people!' If I was demanded to say something romantic on the spot, I'd probably come out with something like that too! And besides, it was kinda cute! Why is 'dumping that prick' the best solution to every problem nowadays? OP, don't listen to any of these people on here! There is a reason that you are engaged to him. And you need to remember that reason when you have the FML moments. You, obviously, love him or you wouldn't be promised to marry eachother. If he makes you happy, then embrace these funny little comments and love him forever! ;)
Calyx_fml 22
You could always pee on his feet, DjeePee.
felah17 6
If he puts chocolate on his dick,that's pretty sweet!! And romantic as well!
DCvRkey2012 7
Oh I see what you mean, chocolate is sweet and putting it there makes it sweeter? I don't think so.
bestscabpicker 6
How sad you think that is funny and appropriate, even on the spot, something like I love you, you are beautiful, anything except a crude statement one maybe would expect if you were a stripper or *****, not to be said to someone you love, maybe you should get with him you sound cheap.
desireev 18
122- Sounds like you're married to a guy who's either on a leash or who's also got a stick up his ass! Where's your sense of humor? Romanticism is not something to be demanded! It should come at the right moment. If I were demanded to say something romantic, I'd probably say something along those lines... And who are you to be calling people 'cheap'? Not everybody can be stuck up and snooty like you! You need to develop a sense of humor! I imagine your life is pretty damn boring!
didthatreallyhap_fml 14
Way to blow! um... I meant way to *go... no I like the first one better lol
redbluegreen 41
You killed your own joke.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Good job... A flop of that level deserves a specialized cone hat, a stool in the corner, and a cookie to keep you occupied.
iliketurdles 7
If I bring my own stool, can I have a cookie too?
didthatreallyhap_fml 14
#17, & #52. Or, this is kind of a stretch, I meant it the way that I typed it... thanks for your input though you all :-) okay not really
LeapOfFaith 8
Say your middle finger loves his face. =)
Xxlaurahatakexx 9
You are not alone! My master says things like that ALL the time.
KeyboardWarrior 10
...
GothicAngel17 24
...master? Um, okay.
jazzybaby179 22
Giggity.
iliketurdles 7
If you're trying to be funny, well done. You have succeeded. If you're being serious, I have a few questions. Are you a ninja? Are you also a turtle? Do you like pizza? Is your favourite colour orange? Is your master a huge rat? Do you live in a sewer system? If you have answered yes to all of the above, do you think you could learn to love me?
Clamcreepy 7
He got that line from me on my website "notsoromantic.com"! Glad to see my work in action.
TexasJosh 0
Straight to the point... Romantic Sarcasm, you gotta love it.
mikepattonfan 0
What's wrong with what he said? I fail to see the problem, it was very romantic
itaimumwiro 8
Oh thats so sweet
panda_bear0618 1
that's classy.
DocBastard 40
That answer sucks! I hope he didn't blow his chance with you, because it's his job to make you happy.
kobiwan 0
Your comment had the words, sucks, blow and job. I think you actually liked his answer.
benhd1 14
:I see what you did there: