Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML
Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML
Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML
Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML
Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML
Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
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Top comments
DasHaas 9
Karma.
yoursucklives 36
why would you steal a pen?
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Comments (96)
wanderingshopper 13
And?? So what? Those pens are dropped by vendors pushing their new medications. Doesn't really matter what it says unless you're a rival vendor does it? And you didn't steal it. She had plenty.
Enslaved 38
That may be true but it's still stealing. The OP himself said he stole it. I'm sure the office would have let him keep it-- if only he asked. :P
Enslaved 38
Guest at my job always stole my pens when they signed their credit card slips. It became better when I started giving them pens that didn't have the caps. :P
crazytwinsmom 25
Get some specially printed pens for that purpose, printed with embarrassing things. If they notice, they won't take it, otherwise they will suffer later like OP.
sugarshane007 20
Well, now the secret is out isn't it? Just steer into the curve and invest in a nice push up bra, it's the only way to save face now.
GarageDragon 22
I don't believe in karma, but wow. Bet you won't be stealing any more pens.
perdix 31
Look your colleague in the eye and say, "What? It's just a hobby!" and wink.
yhatzee89 9
You guys are being so dramatic. It is just a pen. And OP it's not that big of a deal. People have tons of pens with random businesses/advertisements on them that have nothing to do with ones interests/gender/race etc.
Skylansmile 11
Thank you. I completely agree. I read OP's post and all the comments and everyone is just like "oohhhh that's what you get!" but seriously.. It's a pen?
EvilUndead 9
34, well, there are souvenir pens, professional pens and brand name pens that ARE expensive, taking one of THOSE would be a bad thing. Since this particular pen had advertising written on top of it, it was probably cheap like dirt, and maybe even stolen from somebody else (some gynecologist, perhaps). Some people still need to relax, though. Yelling "karma" because of pen is ridiculous.
happyapy 16
Hold on to that one! It's a keeper.
laden_swallow09 35
THIEF! ******* THIEF!
chrisp87 11
Why would you do something so idiotic? YDI for sure OP.
buckdharma 38
You snatched a pen that helps snatches mend. You don't need that number, you're carrying lumber.