Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML
Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML
Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML
Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML
Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML
Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
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Top comments
DasHaas 9
Karma.
yoursucklives 36
why would you steal a pen?
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Comments (96)
MorF4RDK 8
Why stole A pen dude!
ChaoticBacon 6
Wy tipe lyke dum as?
katykoolcat 13
You might as well put a naked picture of your self here.
crudeandrudeguy 29
You don't expect her to be pretty and smart do you?
perry_sameh20 18
Omg why did u steal a pen?! Lol
angeluv_2014 22
Omg why does it bother you so much?
Radoh 3
Why did you feel it necessary to steal a pen?
gunnerblaster 21
Ugh. You're one've -those- types of people. FYL, indeed, because you're a cheap bastard.
curlstar 6
one've? Really?
Misswildsides 22
Don't deny you haven't stolen any cheap merchandise.
apax 9
Have you never heard of the famous I'd've?
gc327072 30
58- I actually say that, but now that I've seen it typed... :l
MikeFoxtrot01594 11
This is one the few times when it is actually of not "ve.
Sam_Dchi 23
I would have laughed my ass off.. that's awesome
danial1214 21
I would sort of understand if the pen was one of those pens with multiple colors or a cool design but just a normal pen, what is wrong with you?
Kiki242 19
Are you so poor you can't even afford a PEN?
picante72 24
I'd explain that that doctor also does many other surgeries and medical procedures.
firefly319 7
Why on Earth would you steal a pen and then feel the need to be happy with what you did? Bic has pens for $0.16, go buy one. Karma. Enjoy.
EvilUndead 9
"why on earth"... 1. Kleptomania 2. Petty revenge. 3. Bad mood. 4. Accidentally.
lulubelles 33
You forgot: 5. They never have a pen when they need one. I swear those things have legs
Bibliovore 26
#25, I used to work with a doctor who joked that he thought of pens like oxygen: He'd inhale them wherever he needed them, and exhale them wherever he was done with them. Somehow he always inhaled at my desk and exhaled at his own.
upallnight11 19
Steal a pen? Pathetic.