Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML
Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML
Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML
Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML
Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML
Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
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Top comments
DasHaas 9
Karma.
yoursucklives 36
why would you steal a pen?
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Comments (96)
buddy51 23
OP, stealers never win and winners never steal. Thief!
toon_girl 12
Only people who work together in healthcare are allowed to steal each other's pens. I lost one last night when my ambulance colleague forgot who it belonged to and pocketed it. And it happens a lot in pre-hospital care.
Skylansmile 11
Aside from all else, who cares? It's a stupid pen. It's not like it's a Mont Blanc. You're using a pen with gyno stuff on the side... So? Who says it wasn't just in the drawer by your phone to take notes with when someone leaves a message for someone else and that you happened to bring it with you. Why would your colleagues be "horrified"? This is dumb.
laurencheese 7
Seriously ? It's a pen. We've all snagged pens.
hurley12 30
Why would they write that on a pen? Nobody wants to use that in public!
jopey 3
Lol that was awesome :)
Life_sucks_13 6
A pen is a pen. So what? I'm surprised she was shocked. Sorry op.
bellatrix0805 2
That's why you never EVER steal. My 4 year old sister knows that.
Satoaoi 13
well now you know not to steal
outoftown 27
Penny-wise and pound-foolish: stealing a pen from a doctor's office. Don't you know that's where sick people go?