Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML
Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML
Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML
Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML
Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML
Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
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Top comments
DasHaas 9
Karma.
yoursucklives 36
why would you steal a pen?
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Comments (96)
Schiffy 18
If there's one thing doctors offices have millions of, it's pens, mainly from Pharmaceutical reps. No one is really going to give a shit that you took a pen, mainly because it's probably worth 25 cents, but you should probably have looked at it first.
xRezSynn 15
How did you not deserve that one?
XxKillerStormXx 13
Haha Lolz
joethebiden 8
In all fairness, who the **** emblazons that on a pen? I mean, couldn't she put her name on it or something? Sure, YDI for stealing the pen, but also FYL for having a doctor with very poor taste concerning personalized supplies.
fksfsdhfsdfh 26
@DasHaas is right! Karma!
Kitten_Calderon 14
Serves you right for stealing, OP. xD
DanielleinDC 34
Stealing is bad, mm-kay? It's one thing if you accidentally take a pen--that sort of stuff happens all the time--but to deliberately take a pen. #46, as others have said, doctors frequently have all sorts of crap foisted on them by pharmaceutical companies. I suspect that would include pens.
AdamThePerson 7
At least its only minimally invasive....
Stormdriven37 6
OP HAS A MANGINA, OP HAS A MANGINA
onorexveritas 24
that's what you get