Kids: Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center....

By MJjunior - 31/08/2011 16:04 - Australia

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 440

You deserved it 13 242

Kids

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Ignored

The Ex

By oldsoulyoungbody - 30/01/2012 15:07 - United States

Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together" means scooting closer to each other in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 224

You deserved it 4 162

By GeneralElement - 19/02/2010 06:32 - United States

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said, "Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 846

You deserved it 3 631

It's alright

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 22:01 - Czech Republic - Prostejov

Today, I dreamt of my mom. She came over to me, and said, "Hey, I'm alright, the doctors were wrong." My mom died 4 months ago due to Covid-19 complications, and waking up shouldn't be so painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 426

You deserved it 56

By kirstyrd - 12/08/2014 06:07 - United States - Germfask

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 943

You deserved it 36 018

By Tomato - 11/08/2017 14:30

Today, I went with the kids I work with to a roller rink, where there are tons of black lights. Under the glow, I realized in horror that an old semen stain could be seen on my shorts. Praying no one saw, or realized what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 648

You deserved it 3 466

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 21:55 - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 178

You deserved it 4 558

By Anonymous - 02/08/2013 21:34 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 921

You deserved it 5 371

By rplovez - 05/09/2011 23:14 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 246

You deserved it 4 001

By Ain't going nowhere - 24/06/2015 18:49 - United States - Chicago

Today, I politely asked a coworker to stop sticking his chewed-up gum to my desk. It's now 10:57 pm and my tires are slashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 321

You deserved it 1 842

By stickyservice - 26/04/2014 01:21 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, an angry customer threw her sticky toffee pudding at the wall and pointed out that because it didn't stick, it was not really a "sticky" toffee pudding, and that she'd been mislead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 187

You deserved it 3 261

Fashion Week, Bitch

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 21:02

Today, I found out that my blazer was not in fact lost. How did I find this out? The girl who'd "lost it" was wearing it. She now denies it was ever mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 129

By Tourist - 26/03/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 505

You deserved it 598 738

By Jetlagged - 03/06/2017 22:00

Today, I'm stuck at the airport overnight, because my phone didn't update its time zone after flying in, so I watched my train leave, thinking mine wasn't due for another hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 452

You deserved it 1 855

By fuck kids - 06/06/2013 18:24 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 319

You deserved it 3 429

By lamortdeshommes - 28/06/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 873

You deserved it 8 289

By GLHan - 07/03/2014 22:31 - United States - Commack

Today, I asked my boss for a few days off next week, because my grandmother passed away yesterday and I'll need to travel to attend the funeral. His response: "She's dead, you're not. You want time off, then quit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 276

You deserved it 3 827

By GlueAndCarrots - 20/08/2015 02:38 - Canada - Markham

Today, I told my daughter that we're going to the beach. Today, my daughter also tried to dig up our deceased dog that we buried in our back yard last week so it can come along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 068

You deserved it 1 782

By Anonymous - 26/11/2017 05:00

Today, I called my daughter a wimp and insisted her pain can't be that bad. She left in tears. Later, I got a call from her doctor informing me that she has trigeminal neuralgia, one of the most painful diseases known to man. I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 10 268

By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets and lost my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 796

You deserved it 4 092

By John - 15/11/2009 06:08 - Australia

Today, I parked my convertible in the 5 minute bay at the post office. When I came back out I noticed a bum in the front seat pretending to drive it. After shouting at him and pulling him out, he stumbled off. I was then slapped with a ticket for being parked longer than 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 425

You deserved it 6 226

By Anonymous - 15/02/2015 17:57 - Denmark

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 340

You deserved it 3 259

By CanWeAllGetOne - 13/11/2013 06:40 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 777

You deserved it 13 981

By wtf - 16/06/2016 06:02 - United States - Fairfield

Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 229

You deserved it 5 840

By Silverfeathery - 14/11/2016 11:19 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I was making out with a guy in his car, when we decided we needed a minute of fresh air. We stepped out, only to completely lock ourselves out, with our phones and the keys inside. We had to smash a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 564

You deserved it 2 762

By Poorman - 11/12/2011 01:03 - United Kingdom

Today, our new boss showed up for his first day of work. I thought I'd seen it all, but he demands that we say "Hail to the King" every time he passes through the office. When I called HR about it, the guy on the other end told me to "man up and deal with it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 242

You deserved it 4 270

By Anonymous - 10/05/2013 23:16 - Switzerland - Saint Gallen

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 347

You deserved it 5 609

Long time gone

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 18:01

Today, I haven't heard from my girlfriend for over a week, after being in a relationship for 7 years with her. She'd called me, saying she had to care for her ex-husband because he had suffered a heart attack. Guess we're over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 120

By yourwifelovesme - 04/06/2019 12:00

Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 361

By poseidon5213 - 17/05/2012 22:02 - United States - Inglewood

Today, I started my job as one of those sign spinners. About an hour later, some people drove up, yelled, "Bitch, get off my corner," and threw water balloons at me. My boss made me keep working in the soaking wet outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 965

You deserved it 2 615

By JackAttack - 20/01/2009 08:27 - United States

Today, my mom just handed me a book called "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 349

You deserved it 5 996

Sorry, dude

By Aussie mate - 24/09/2020 08:01 - Australia

Today, I got up and started getting ready for work. As I entered the bathroom, I noticed a moth in the shower. Feeling generous, I caught the moth in a cup and took it to the front porch. I released the moth and watched it fly away… into a giant spider and its web. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 185

By Mofisto - 15/02/2009 10:43 - United States

Today, I started a fight at a lesbian bar and lost. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 234

You deserved it 88 847

By Noname - 28/01/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I went into my office and told my boss that I hated my job and was quitting on the spot. I tried to leave quickly but I slipped and fell on the marble floor right in front of everybody during my exit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 097

You deserved it 6 296

By red - 27/09/2012 11:37 - United States - Portland

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 009

You deserved it 8 224

By buttsmcgee - 22/11/2016 07:05 - United States - Roseburg

Today, we finally got paperwork saying we were approved for a loan to buy a house! The only problem? It's not eligible for the county we live in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 011

You deserved it 922

Not good enough

By BoooMa - 31/03/2021 20:00

Today, my ex-fiancé got married. He left me at the altar last year because the thought of marriage and “taking such a big step” scared him. He’s only been with his new girlfriend for 6 months. Apparently I’m not good enough to marry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 95

By bananayellowteeth - 03/05/2009 08:37 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 779

You deserved it 9 056

By Anonymous - 14/11/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 236

You deserved it 4 637

By Anonymous - 07/09/2013 23:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, my former high school bully became my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 613

You deserved it 4 021

By Anonymous - 30/01/2012 06:36 - Australia

Today, I picked up my driver's licence and my keys off the floor at the same time, using only my toes. This was the highlight of my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 785

You deserved it 6 190

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Top comments

SwaggerMelon 6

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:10

Did you give it back?

Snapple95 10

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:10

Poor kid .

firelight619 0

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:09

Wow 0.o

Keyman1212 14

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:13

Oh shit... Wonder if Micheal Jackson's kids would play that game... In your defense however, you didn't know.

LiveLaughFML 10

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:22

the golden rule: keep your hands to yourself! this wouldn't have happened if you did, creeper. lol :(

LuHGiiiT 11

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:25

...But everyone nose about Johnny's birth abnormality..?

iTrevor 5

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:25

That stinks..

UMad_Bro 3

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:59

35 Haha I see what you did there.

AnwarK95 1

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Thursday 1 September 2011 0:48

Did anyone realize the username of OP? hahaha good one

Friaza 29

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Thursday 1 September 2011 1:06

-31 Not everybody is a rapist.

poostool 5

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Thursday 1 September 2011 7:05

Kid deserved it for losing his nose.

Merylwen 24

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Thursday 1 September 2011 12:10

That poor child is going to have a horrible life... Other kids will make fun of him at school, and I bet that won't even stop when he's an adult.

Light_Star 4

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Thursday 1 September 2011 17:32

That was a bit...NOSY!

ducttapewallet 7

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Thursday 1 September 2011 21:05

Ever read the book Thinner by Stephen King? That gypsy had no nose. Just sayin'.

emeraldchicky 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 6:09

HAHAHA! No.

Klums02 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 6:10

That is a one in a million chance right there...

Hearon20 0

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Saturday 3 September 2011 6:26

Oh nose! That would suck.

JustOhSoLovely 6

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Saturday 3 September 2011 16:55

0.o what are the chances of that happening...

JustOhSoLovely 6

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Saturday 3 September 2011 16:55

0.o what are the chances of that happening...

upyourzlolz 11

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Tuesday 6 September 2011 4:57

Why is voldemort at a daycare?

SwaggerMelon 6

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:10

Did you give it back?

supertacowaffle 41

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Sunday 4 September 2011 3:45

STAND BACK HE'S GOT A NOSE!

colby6666 43

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Wednesday 9 April 2014 21:09

Ah, asdf movie references

Snapple95 10

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:10

Poor kid .

WCARlover 34

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:48

Yeah, the kid must have been mortified!

sxe_beast 11

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Thursday 1 September 2011 0:04

Dude, the OP must be mortified! Holy fuck! I would literally shit myself if that happened! OMFG. Or faint... O.O

pinkbabypuff1 0

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Thursday 27 September 2012 2:42

OP must feel so bad! Poor kid:(

liquidSELECT 0

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:10

Wow.......i dont have anything clever to say just....WOW o.O

FlurffyPupQueen 7

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Friday 2 September 2011 4:56

Oh the irony

ifailplzinsultme 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

LedZeppelin1109 0

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Thursday 1 September 2011 8:32

Oh cut the sentimental bullshit people, this comment is funny and you know it.

deaper 15

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Thursday 1 September 2011 17:58

Hell yeah it's funny as shit!

oneleggedbeauty 0

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Thursday 1 September 2011 18:22

You sir are a dick

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Thursday 1 September 2011 22:33

I know I'm horrible person.... and I could see "onelegged" in your username. I hit a touchy area?

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 4:31

Add an a between I'm and horrible. Oops

GwarKitty 5

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Friday 2 September 2011 5:01

5. Boom this comment is awesome.

fl0ffy 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 5:49

134-do u really have one leg??and I agree with u

reptileguy1296 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 8:28

People who thumbed this down, humor is sometimes cynical. That doesn't mean they meant the joke seriously.

BbqKirbyAnn 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 10:05

Rofl thats the funniest thing I've read all day. Pat yourself on the back for that snappy comment

SadinSherman 16

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Friday 2 September 2011 14:35

177-It goes to far though

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 22:17

Haha I know I went too far. Oh well if I offended you I'm sorry

ChineseCookie 0

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Wednesday 14 December 2011 13:30

This is funny shit give me dislikes not him

childproofpizza 19

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Monday 8 May 2017 18:48

I guess she doesn't have a leg to stand on

Melissa92_fml 13

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:11

The day care centre didn't warn you in advance? Then I guess it's a 'fyl' moment because you couldn't have known.

redtigerlily 5

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:12

Well it must be a pretty convincing prosthetic. Lucky kid.

aruam365 24

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Thursday 1 September 2011 8:20

They can make really realistic prosthetics these days but, op there really is no way to recover from that...

XxHoPPoxX 8

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Friday 2 September 2011 13:08

whats lucky bout bein noseless besides being able to greet ladies with the swift removal of your nose

ThreeSheetsGone 12

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Friday 2 September 2011 17:35

It could be a really cool party trick when the kid gets older.

iTrevor 5

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:12

Michael Jackson's son?

tromboneboy 2

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Friday 2 September 2011 4:57

Thad horrible but hillarious I'm an awful person

JustTemporary 24

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Friday 2 September 2011 6:57

haha that's funny.

AnthonyN 5

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Friday 2 September 2011 15:50

lmfao

EffYourLifeBench 0

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Tuesday 11 October 2011 2:48

Lmaoo I KNEW somebody was gonna say that... I just didn't wAnna be the one to d do it....RIP MJ

RandomAndCrazy 11

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Monday 12 May 2014 13:04

What about voldermart..

bubblepaarty 5

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:13

isn't this why teachers working at daycare centers saying "keep your hands to yourselves" ? /: tsk, tsk, tsk; you kinda deserved it . poor kid .

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:29

How did he deserve it? He didn't know.

CryMoreFMLs 14

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 23:48

Because every stupid person expect people to know everything about everyone! That's why he thinks OP deserved it.

Pendragon525 0

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Thursday 1 September 2011 4:11

This guy works with these children at a day care center. You'd better believe he needs to know about the special needs kids in his care, and he needs to know BEFORE he begins to work with them! It could be disasterous otherwise.