Kids: Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center....

By MJjunior - Australia

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47348

You deserved it

13164

Favorite

Kids

Out of it

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Moving on

By sunkissedberries - United States

Today, I ran into my boyfriend. The same guy that told me he was still in Florida with his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42551

You deserved it

3856

Favorite

By Olorin - Germany

Today, I was installing TVs in a hospital. When I knocked on a door, a female voice asked me to come in. I opened the door to see an 80 year old woman standing in front of me, naked. She then complained when I hesitated to help her to put some clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30327

You deserved it

2715

Favorite

By abbyleigh08 - United States

Today, I told my mom I want to try out for American Idol. She responded with, "You don't take disappointment well." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16303

You deserved it

30753

Favorite

By AnonUser464 - United States

Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42403

You deserved it

3394

Favorite

By 10 years, 0 dates - 28/11/2020 11:03

Silver linings

Today, I wanted to ask out this cute girl I used to work with. Before I could, she said she likes my only friend there, and asked if could I set them up. Trying to be nice guy and good friend, I did. Then she made her complete lack of interest in me obvious. But hey, at least the gay guy she hung out with thought I was cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

689

You deserved it

109

Favorite

By Lorena - United States - Kapolei

Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26984

You deserved it

3169

Favorite

By fu2then - Canada

Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He says "yeah well you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35486

You deserved it

4091

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32837

You deserved it

2415

Favorite

By mymomplucksbutthair - United States

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39739

You deserved it

3374

Favorite

By are you kidding me? - United States - Lady Lake

Today, my boss joined me on my vacation, to "make sure I actually went". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13442

You deserved it

908

Favorite

By Charlie - Australia

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44374

You deserved it

21060

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30526

You deserved it

4955

Favorite

By WalkTheOtherWay - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30580

You deserved it

7533

Favorite

By barri - Costa Rica

Today, both of my grandparents died in a car accident. My Mom and Dad thought it would make me feel better to know they were not my real grandparents, because I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63107

You deserved it

2805

Favorite

By unknown - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's whole family. Between them they had about 10 teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38106

You deserved it

5150

Favorite

By DefinitelyNotDogshit - United States - Levittown

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49574

You deserved it

3653

Favorite

By Goosey - United States

Today, I was on Tiger TV, our high school's monthly TV program which was shown at lunch today. I was being interviewed and at one point the reporter made me laugh. I have a goose laugh so everyone in the lunch room started laughing. Then they played it in slow motion. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31441

You deserved it

4224

Favorite

By pizzagurl - United States

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20151

You deserved it

273679

Favorite

By henry feingold - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out in a motel room. Just before we really got started I noticed that I forgot to close the drapes. Once I got up to close them I saw 3 maids and the manager run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38338

You deserved it

12997

Favorite

By Beewwwbs - Australia - Wembley

Today, I'm on a pill that "may cause breast tenderness". My 32E breasts took that to mean swell up a size, become heavy as lead, be so sore I can't move without a bra on, and stiffen my neck and back muscles so badly I thought I had an ear infection. This will last "a few weeks to months". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2657

You deserved it

240

Favorite

By fistpumpin4life - France

Today, at work I asked a woman how she was doing. When she replied, I didn't understand her, and instead of asking her what she said, I just replied with, "oh that's good." What she told me that I didn't understand was that her husband had just died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10554

You deserved it

33246

Favorite

By eeelise5296 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41291

You deserved it

3183

Favorite

By Username - France

Today, I was life guarding at a community pool and noticed a toddler go under water. I quickly jumped in and suddenly got a charlie horse which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30631

You deserved it

9979

Favorite

By whymomwhy - United States - Salem

Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27256

You deserved it

2866

Favorite

By flurina - Canada

Today, a woman pushed me at the bar and told me how much she's always hated me. She was my grade five teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33307

You deserved it

3638

Favorite

By tryena - United States

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20248

You deserved it

92450

Favorite

By dmvsucks - United States

Today, I was at the DMV getting temporary tags for my new car. While waiting in line, a huge fat lady behind me felt the need to run her finger down the scar on the back of my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38495

You deserved it

3073

Favorite

By Good morning to you all

Today, since my dad decided he's tired of not being completely comfortable in his own home, he now wears only a knee-length robe without underwear so he can "really enjoy the breeze". I've seen more balls in a few days than a pro baseball player does his entire career. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3713

You deserved it

387

Favorite

By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I discovered that my son has an allergy to cats. My partner of two years, not wanting to fight, suggested a compromise: that my son and the cat take turns sleeping outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33599

You deserved it

5858

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, through a mutual friend, I met the girl of my dreams. After flirting and exchanging numbers with her, my friend confessed that she's liked me since the day we met. Now the girl of my dreams doesn't want to pursue a relationship with me out of respect for our friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22353

You deserved it

1736

Favorite

By wtf did I do - United States

Today, I went to help a friend move into her new apartment. We were half-way through when it started to rain, and in my anger I yelled that it's like these things happen just to annoy me. Then we heard the tornado sirens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26250

You deserved it

4420

Favorite

By Creep - Canada

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

18287

You deserved it

149070

Favorite

By notgoodenough - United States

Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43254

You deserved it

9172

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26322

You deserved it

3782

Favorite

By tempted to become single - United States - Atwater

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks

26199

You deserved it

3145

Favorite

By Emma - United States

Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32017

You deserved it

3451

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31362

You deserved it

2521

Favorite

By :/ - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I talked to my high school sweetheart after 12 years. He confessed that he's been single ever since we broke up, never got over me, and that to this day he loves me dearly. I'm a married mother of two. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21847

You deserved it

2555

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Big brain bug

Today, my mother was leaving the house to attend her sister's funeral. Just as she was walking out the door, my brain experienced the most horrific shart imaginable, and I uttered through my reassuring smile, "Have a blast." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10148

You deserved it

25244

Favorite

By chelle - United States

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

97645

You deserved it

15603

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By SwaggerMelon | 6

#3213887 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:10

Did you give it back?

By Snapple95 | 10

#3213889 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:10

Poor kid .

COMMENTS

By firelight619 | 0

#3213882 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:09

Wow 0.o

Keyman1212 | 14

#3213928 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:13

Oh shit... Wonder if Micheal Jackson's kids would play that game... In your defense however, you didn't know.

LiveLaughFML | 10

#3214024 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:22

the golden rule: keep your hands to yourself! this wouldn't have happened if you did, creeper. lol :(

LuHGiiiT | 11

#3214049 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:25

...But everyone nose about Johnny's birth abnormality..?

iTrevor | 5

#3214051 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:25

That stinks..

UMad_Bro | 3

#3214247 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:59

35 Haha I see what you did there.

AnwarK95 | 1

#3214745 - Thursday 1 September 2011 0:48

Did anyone realize the username of OP? hahaha good one

Friaza | 29

#3214785 - Thursday 1 September 2011 1:06

-31

Not everybody is a rapist.

poostool | 5

#3215198 - Thursday 1 September 2011 7:05

Kid deserved it for losing his nose.

Merylwen | 24

#3215913 - Thursday 1 September 2011 12:10

That poor child is going to have a horrible life... Other kids will make fun of him at school, and I bet that won't even stop when he's an adult.

Light_Star | 4

#3216264 - Thursday 1 September 2011 17:32

That was a bit...NOSY!

ducttapewallet | 7

#3217352 - Thursday 1 September 2011 21:05

Ever read the book Thinner by Stephen King? That gypsy had no nose. Just sayin'.

emeraldchicky | 0

#3220918 - Friday 2 September 2011 6:09

HAHAHA! No.

Klums02 | 0

#3220932 - Friday 2 September 2011 6:10

That is a one in a million chance right there...

Hearon20 | 0

#3226424 - Saturday 3 September 2011 6:26

Oh nose! That would suck.

JustOhSoLovely | 6

#3228460 - Saturday 3 September 2011 16:55

0.o what are the chances of that happening...

JustOhSoLovely | 6

#3228463 - Saturday 3 September 2011 16:55

0.o what are the chances of that happening...

upyourzlolz | 11

#3244408 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 4:57

Why is voldemort at a daycare?

By SwaggerMelon | 6

#3213887 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:10

Did you give it back?

supertacowaffle | 41

#3231660 - Sunday 4 September 2011 3:45

STAND BACK HE'S GOT A NOSE!

colby6666 | 42

#5909588 - Wednesday 9 April 2014 21:09

Ah, asdf movie references

By Snapple95 | 10

#3213889 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:10

Poor kid .

WCARlover | 34

#3214201 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:48

Yeah, the kid must have been mortified!

sxe_beast | 11

#3214542 - Thursday 1 September 2011 0:04

Dude, the OP must be mortified! Holy fuck! I would literally shit myself if that happened! OMFG. Or faint... O.O

pinkbabypuff1 | 0

#4976454 - Thursday 27 September 2012 2:42

OP must feel so bad! Poor kid:(

By liquidSELECT | 0

#3213894 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:10

Wow.......i dont have anything clever to say just....WOW o.O

FlurffyPupQueen | 7

#3220518 - Friday 2 September 2011 4:56

Oh the irony

By ifailplzinsultme | 0

#3213897 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:10

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

LedZeppelin1109 | 0

#3215414 - Thursday 1 September 2011 8:32

Oh cut the sentimental bullshit people, this comment is funny and you know it.

deaper | 15

#3216400 - Thursday 1 September 2011 17:58

Hell yeah it's funny as shit!

oneleggedbeauty | 0

#3216504 - Thursday 1 September 2011 18:22

You sir are a dick

ifailplzinsultme | 0

#3217725 - Thursday 1 September 2011 22:33

I know I'm horrible person.... and I could see "onelegged" in your username. I hit a touchy area?

ifailplzinsultme | 0

#3220395 - Friday 2 September 2011 4:31

Add an a between I'm and horrible. Oops

GwarKitty | 5

#3220539 - Friday 2 September 2011 5:01

5. Boom this comment is awesome.

fl0ffy | 0

#3220797 - Friday 2 September 2011 5:49

134-do u really have one leg??and I agree with u

reptileguy1296 | 0

#3221428 - Friday 2 September 2011 8:28

People who thumbed this down, humor is sometimes cynical. That doesn't mean they meant the joke seriously.

BbqKirbyAnn | 0

#3221991 - Friday 2 September 2011 10:05

Rofl thats the funniest thing I've read all day. Pat yourself on the back for that snappy comment

SadinSherman | 16

#3222793 - Friday 2 September 2011 14:35

177-It goes to far though

ifailplzinsultme | 0

#3224400 - Friday 2 September 2011 22:17

Haha I know I went too far. Oh well if I offended you I'm sorry

ChineseCookie | 0

#3730020 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 13:30

This is funny shit give me dislikes not him

childproofpizza | 19

#7451232 - Monday 8 May 2017 18:48

I guess she doesn't have a leg to stand on

By Melissa92_fml | 13

#3213903 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:11

The day care centre didn't warn you in advance? Then I guess it's a 'fyl' moment because you couldn't have known.

By redtigerlily | 5

#3213911 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:12

Well it must be a pretty convincing prosthetic. Lucky kid.

aruam365 | 24

#3215307 - Thursday 1 September 2011 8:20

They can make really realistic prosthetics these days but, op there really is no way to recover from that...

XxHoPPoxX | 8

#3222507 - Friday 2 September 2011 13:08

whats lucky bout bein noseless besides being able to greet ladies with the swift removal of your nose

ThreeSheetsGone | 12

#3223513 - Friday 2 September 2011 17:35

It could be a really cool party trick when the kid gets older.

By iTrevor | 5

#3213915 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:12

Michael Jackson's son?

tromboneboy | 2

#3220523 - Friday 2 September 2011 4:57

Thad horrible but hillarious I'm an awful person

JustTemporary | 24

#3221142 - Friday 2 September 2011 6:57

haha that's funny.

AnthonyN | 5

#3223022 - Friday 2 September 2011 15:50

lmfao

EffYourLifeBench | 0

#3415916 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 2:48

Lmaoo I KNEW somebody was gonna say that... I just didn't wAnna be the one to d do it....RIP MJ

RandomAndCrazy | 11

#5942348 - Monday 12 May 2014 13:04

What about voldermart..

By bubblepaarty | 5

#3213923 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:13

isn't this why teachers working at daycare centers saying "keep your hands to yourselves" ? /:
tsk, tsk, tsk; you kinda deserved it . poor kid .

ifailplzinsultme | 0

#3214072 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 22:29

How did he deserve it? He didn't know.

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#3214440 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 23:48

Because every stupid person expect people to know everything about everyone! That's why he thinks OP deserved it.

Pendragon525 | 0

#3215006 - Thursday 1 September 2011 4:11

This guy works with these children at a day care center. You'd better believe he needs to know about the special needs kids in his care, and he needs to know BEFORE he begins to work with them! It could be disasterous otherwise.