Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair...

By jamjamy - France

Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see well with them. She replied, "Oh yes, you have two big spots on your nose!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

21944

You deserved it

2596

Favorite

Work

Expanding universe

And probably giggling

Not gonna happen

By Time for a haircut - United States

Today, I was getting out of my car, when my new neighbor asked if I'd help him unhitch a trailer. On my way over, he said, "Oh never mind, I thought you were a boy." I am a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50759

You deserved it

7041

Favorite

By Danny

Today, I witnessed two women in a catfight, ripping clothes off each other. This would have been great if the two women weren't my mom and my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44726

You deserved it

4584

Favorite

By aprilfooled - United States

Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21933

You deserved it

76626

Favorite

By briiiiiiii123 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36302

You deserved it

7680

Favorite

By nick92 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend's family approves of me, not because I'm friendly and intelligent, but because I'm an adequate addition to their gene pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26435

You deserved it

4362

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/4/2020 02:00

Deal or no Deal

Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

913

You deserved it

1794

Favorite

By Checkless chick - United States

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27071

You deserved it

54326

Favorite

By idontbleedfromthere - United States - Indio

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22886

You deserved it

2138

Favorite

By Makusu420 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad sent me $200 by mail, only to mail it to the wrong person. So now some random person is getting $200 from my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20507

You deserved it

1557

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61675

You deserved it

3448

Favorite

By morg2000 - Mexico

Today, I went out to dinner with my family. I was given a kids menu when the hostess sat us down. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45485

You deserved it

3153

Favorite

By cnd1213 - United States

Today, I had to do my assistant manager's job because she doesn't know what the hell she is doing. I'd interviewed for this position but didn't get it because I'm "still too new for this position." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19936

You deserved it

1333

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while video chatting with my girlfriend, who lives on the other side of the country, I thought I'd play a song for her on my guitar. The string broke and hit me in the face. I burst into tears and had to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37759

You deserved it

8278

Favorite

By sen - United States

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So...when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44285

You deserved it

2618

Favorite

By birchbeer - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28406

You deserved it

2377

Favorite

By pot, meet kettle - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35858

You deserved it

9768

Favorite

By Jukka

Today, I watched Free Willy with my daughter. Later on she decided to free her 6 pet mice into the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32675

You deserved it

8423

Favorite

By constipated

Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4245

You deserved it

424

Favorite

By UTRejected - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34569

You deserved it

3830

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Austin

Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59663

You deserved it

3880

Favorite

By ANONYMOUS -_- - United States - Providence

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39722

You deserved it

3510

Favorite

By Rachael - Australia

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24012

You deserved it

1857

Favorite

By Anonymous - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47631

You deserved it

6690

Favorite

By ronnieG - United States - Decatur

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63220

You deserved it

8735

Favorite

By ItsFunnyNow - United States

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22507

You deserved it

6711

Favorite

By nina - Luxembourg

Today, I was talking to a friend about this stranger I kissed a few nights ago while drinking. I commented that I was ashamed of doing so, and to make matters worse, the guy was really unattractive. It turns out he was no stranger. I'd kissed my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9640

You deserved it

40738

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38150

You deserved it

3591

Favorite

By mrWrong - United States

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

101758

You deserved it

12076

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my brother and I drove 3 hours to pick up our puppy. The woman we bought him from said not to put him in the cage for the ride home as he would pee for sure. She recommended I put him on my lap. Not only did he shit on the seat backing out of her driveway, he pissed on me an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26937

You deserved it

7184

Favorite

By thebabysitter - United States

Today, I just got done watching my cousin's two kids for four days while they were on vacation. I fed, clothed, and bathed them for four days of hell and got paid with a $5 shark tooth necklace from the Bahamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51831

You deserved it

5325

Favorite

By ashleyramsay - Canada

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57513

You deserved it

11716

Favorite

By worst - Philippines

Today, my mom said I was the worst of her 5 children. My IQ is 130, an honor student, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, or do drugs. I'm the "worst" because I don't go to church every Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50967

You deserved it

10821

Favorite

By Skazzy3

Today, I got banned from my school library after I ran after a guy who stole my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32879

You deserved it

2213

Favorite

By wellokaythen - Canada - Brampton

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46790

You deserved it

5084

Favorite

By garfwebba - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28366

You deserved it

6584

Favorite

By so much for romance - United States - Queensbury

Today, I got a yeast infection, caused by the antibiotics for my UTI. I got the UTI after having sex for the first time in a year. A couple of minutes of sex have ruined my health. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31594

You deserved it

4668

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Newark

Who's a good boy? Not you.

Today, while walking my dog in a cemetery, she stole a stuffed animal off a child's grave and began to play with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6586

You deserved it

3339

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/6/2020 05:00

Issues

Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1699

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Long Beach

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

72230

You deserved it

13931

Favorite

By anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34842

You deserved it

5595

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By convict617 | 0

#29181 - Friday 13 March 2009 2:23

She's a little girl. You're an adult. Grow up.

By coopert28 | 0

#404177 - Friday 17 July 2009 9:02

YDI for having spots on your nose

COMMENTS

By moron_fml | 0

#27581 - Thursday 12 March 2009 3:51

I'm a moron, hence my username.

Jiplo | 18

#4002875 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 3:27

neither do I... this is confusing...

rcbarnes | 24

#4112855 - Friday 2 March 2012 4:01

I, too, am wholly at a loss on this one....

GhostDuck | 30

#4167445 - Thursday 15 March 2012 5:07

Nostrils? This makes no sense to me... :/

brittanyrmh_ | 12

#5151561 - Thursday 15 November 2012 7:48

In the UK, and I'm assuming France too, "spots" means pimples

By convict617 | 0

#29181 - Friday 13 March 2009 2:23

She's a little girl. You're an adult. Grow up.

By swooshq | 0

#121131 - Saturday 18 April 2009 3:57

That's terrible.

By technobutterfly | 0

#258576 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 4:46

Sick.

By commonly_unique | 0

#288980 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:50

zits obvs :P

By xbarneystinsonx | 0

#333590 - Tuesday 23 June 2009 17:37

Owned?

By coopert28 | 0

#404177 - Friday 17 July 2009 9:02

YDI for having spots on your nose

By GreenDayRHCP | 0

#795714 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:36

Jeez, wash every now and then.

By kAhlie | 0

#936382 - Thursday 11 March 2010 16:55

Pop that shit.

By kAhlie | 0

#936389 - Thursday 11 March 2010 16:58

One word: vagisil.