Intimacy: Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were...

By ahddib - 14/10/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 196

You deserved it 10 347

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Same thing different taste

Scarred for life

By Guess who's back - 10/07/2022 10:00 - Australia - Homebush

Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 1 790

Waste of time

By I'mmessedup - 29/09/2021 22:59

Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 125

You deserved it 532

Actor's Studio

By biggieT - 14/06/2012 02:21 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 061

You deserved it 7 587

Peek a boo

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 041

You deserved it 16 160

By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 162

You deserved it 8 656

Time for some DIY

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 22:00

Today, my husband and I were home alone and we wanted to do the nasty multiple times before our kids got back from school. He lasted less than two minutes, then fell asleep. It's been 6 weeks since my last orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601

You deserved it 358

Being a parent 101

By Shavaughn Riley - 31/10/2020 23:03 - New Zealand - Kawerau

Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 280

By Username - 18/03/2010 08:21 - France

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 569

You deserved it 49 710

Not now

By Anonymous - 25/09/2021 23:00

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 259

Technique

By jlowder2 - 11/12/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 206

You deserved it 31 160

truthishly 0

Thursday 14 October 2010 9:24

maybe u should have stopped?! you know since she was saying "ouch" maybe u should have checked to make sure she was okay?!

justsayfuck 5

Thursday 14 October 2010 9:08

Guess she was too tired for faking.

Comments

phirestarter 0

Friday 15 October 2010 6:01

maybe turn her on first next time fool....

tzolkin 0

Friday 15 October 2010 8:55

#71 Is sooo right. shes probably exhausted from having two kids, an expectant partner and who knows what other stresses in life. and it is way more of a turn on when daddy is an equal partner and not a roomate who sometimes helps out. not that we know OP's situation, but just a little tip for all you daddys out there who aren't gettin enough action, or satisfyng action in this case.

towboatdude 0

Friday 15 October 2010 11:54

Has anyone thought the she might be just a dead and fridgid lay. I mean come on. I dated a girl like that and I'm hung like a horse. and go for hours.

blahzz 4

Friday 15 October 2010 19:20

Great advertisement.

5t3ff1k4h 44

Friday 15 October 2010 19:21

You sound like you're overcompensating.

lardhaterplz 6

Friday 15 October 2010 12:57

starfish!!

egxflash 0

Friday 15 October 2010 17:26

uh......I feel sorry for you.

numnut 3

Friday 15 October 2010 21:05

next time give her a nice massage before.. maybe she just needed a little TLC in the way a woman benefits the best

janise 2

Friday 15 October 2010 23:31

Why didn't you stop after the 1st Ouch? That's generally the universal sign for "Not gonna happen bud. Now go take out the garbage".

FreeCandyVan 0

Saturday 16 October 2010 4:11

Its called a penis pump.

perez758 2

Saturday 16 October 2010 7:47

do something different than homy. change it up on her. she's just tired of doin the same shit all the time.

poppetsauce 4

Saturday 16 October 2010 8:19

wow.. why so many your life sucks? This ******* jackass deserved shitty sex if he's going to just cram it in the second hes alone with her. Women require lubrication and arousal for sex NOT to hurt doucehbag. Generally if she isen't responding, it's because IT DOE NOT FEEL GOOD. Oh and the "ouch" sound? That is also a bad sign. You are a god damn idiot. I feel sorry for your poor wife.