Health: Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 78

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 112

25/01/2012 06:32

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 848

You deserved it 6 656

Sorry…

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Tough choice

23/11/2012 09:07

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 199

You deserved it 5 022

11/10/2012 19:03

Today, I had to be treated for chemical burns, because my mother got the bright idea of using paint thinner to clean me up after I'd painted our living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 340

You deserved it 3 021

11/09/2016 05:52

Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 129

You deserved it 1 067

01/11/2009 00:22

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 050

You deserved it 3 160

Good deeds

By Muddyidiot - 06/01/2021 05:01

Today, after I was done testing a group of people for Covid, the universe decided that no, the deed was not good enough. On the way to the bus stop, I slipped and had to ride home covered in mud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 102

Being nice is so 1968

By Anonymous - 23/06/2017 01:00

Today, I decided to do something nice and compliment a stranger. I told a girl that I liked her skirt and that it looked good on her. She just rolled her eyes at me and said, "I'm not gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 245

You deserved it 533

10/07/2012 23:10

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 657

You deserved it 6 413

10/08/2017 16:00

Today, I got an angry text from a random number calling me a lying piece of shit. I then realized that was the first person to text me in weeks. I ended up having a fake argument with someone because I was so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 651

You deserved it 553

25/04/2009 05:09

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 160

You deserved it 4 756

05/03/2017 20:00

Today, after saving up for a beautiful new dress to wear to my partners 30th birthday party, it finally arrived in the post. I try the dress on and instantly the stitching rips and leaves two big holes in it. Turns out I'm no longer a size 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 700

You deserved it 1 972

Casual something

By lukey101 - 14/02/2021 18:30

Today, I went to the Asian Grocery. I politely smiled, bellowed, “Hello!” and kind of waved to the cashier as I walked in, to which he gave me a blank, scared-for-his-life kinda look. Turns out he was actually just another customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 352

24/12/2011 12:51

Today, I wrapped my boyfriend's Christmas presents for him, because he was too lazy to do it himself. This included my own present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 505

You deserved it 6 327

13/05/2015 23:19

Today, I stuck my hand out the car window and noticed my arm fat flapping in the wind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 670

You deserved it 10 424

03/11/2015 17:54

Spicy

Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 019

You deserved it 1 810

18/02/2009 03:22

Spicy

Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 902

You deserved it 21 428

12/02/2012 04:25

Today, after parking my car, I was informed by an incredibly hot girl that my tail light was faulty. I tried hitting it to make it work again. Guess who has 5 stitches and a smashed tail light? FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 753

You deserved it 35 946

Sorry Mr Nibbles

By JustMyLuck - 06/09/2009 01:31

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. Out of natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 949

You deserved it 52 087

01/02/2010 00:20

Spicy

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 677

You deserved it 3 879

09/08/2010 13:24

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 343

You deserved it 54 197

29/07/2016 01:04

Today, I got my report card. My teacher gave me an F, and under class comments she gave me a U for unsatisfactory. So I got an F U from my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 148

You deserved it 5 929

17/11/2010 18:16

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 312

You deserved it 13 492

20/06/2014 18:20

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 245

You deserved it 5 713

24/11/2009 05:03

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how I'm self conscious about my weight. He looks at me and says, "Don't worry babe, I've always been kind of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 407

You deserved it 7 874

07/08/2019 14:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. We're in the middle of nowhere and have a 4-hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 818

You deserved it 117

Friend's best friend

By some friend - 04/03/2021 15:30

Today, my "best friend" of over 15 years has decided to cut me out of her life. She asked me to loan her $7k to get a surgery for her 14 year-old dog. When I told her it would be far crueler to prolong the poor thing’s life, she called me a heartless bitch and refuses to ever speak to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 300

08/08/2016 12:40

Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 075

You deserved it 1 209

08/08/2013 18:52

Today, I actually had to explain to two of my friends that neither Alaska nor Nebraska are in Canada. I think I need new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 889

You deserved it 5 294

09/07/2009 01:34

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 841

You deserved it 111 228

12/07/2009 04:08

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 377

You deserved it 2 704

Oh, hello

By kikuhime - 17/01/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 88

23/09/2011 10:41

Spicy

Today, desperate for my boyfriend to notice me for once, I started noisily masturbating while he was playing World of Warcraft. His response was to put his headphones on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 251

You deserved it 12 977

11/03/2011 14:11

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 396

You deserved it 4 992

Move!

By patrickRafael - 29/12/2009 14:21

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 325

You deserved it 2 998

Vicious bastards

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 22:01

Today, I decided to go for a jog to try and get fit. I definitely got my exercise in, because I was mercilessly chased by a goose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 124

29/12/2009 03:43

Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything was torn and chewed up. I suddenly see a dog walk across the hall. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 296

You deserved it 2 529

Preemptive strike

By halofever82 - 10/04/2021 08:00

Today, after ordering at a restaurant, the waitress suddenly began acting like a bitch to me, for no apparent reason. I later found out why: most people who order that particular meal tend to argue and whine about the price. I wasn’t going to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 61

08/02/2014 23:24

Today, a robin flew into my window and died. My mom, being a biology teacher, thought it would be a great experience for my brother and me to dissect it on the kitchen table. She threatened to ground us if we didn't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 203

You deserved it 4 319

19/07/2010 13:59

Today, my kids surprised me when I got home. One of them played the Rocky theme song on the stereo, and the other came up to me and said, "Daddy, let's go. We need you to drop about 15 pounds before you appear in front of all of our friends at our play." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 702

You deserved it 8 026

It's alright

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 22:01

Today, I dreamt of my mom. She came over to me, and said, "Hey, I'm alright, the doctors were wrong." My mom died 4 months ago due to Covid-19 complications, and waking up shouldn't be so painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 52

15/03/2010 00:20

Today, my deranged co-worker sent me a text message containing a picture that she just took of her uncle. It was his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 953

You deserved it 2 002

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:51

I've never heard of such excitement when somebody put underwear ON!

silentbutfunny 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:47

Boxer or briefs?

Comments

khaya 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:44

Next time switch on the lights when you get dressed.

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:54

Who says op was gettin dressed in the dark? -.-

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:57

Op was getting dressed in the dark.

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 16:07

One leg at a time my man, just like the rest of us!

silentbutfunny 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 16:18

Sonic did. Bam.

khaya 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 16:30

I know John was getting dressed in the dark because I was there.

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:18

Gojira I have a feeling you play LoL...

StopDropNRoll 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:35

LoL is a fun game imo.

Send a private message

Thursday 26 January 2012 8:29

LoL is not relevant to the post. (ignore the fact that my pic is a LoL champion)

Send a private message

Thursday 28 June 2012 7:45

Haha

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:44

Now thats just an epic fail

rubberduckie94 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 16:03

More like an epic fall

lebronesque73091 12

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:25

Be more careful!

Send a private message

Thursday 26 January 2012 5:17

Did you tell the doctors how you came to sprain your ankle?

DontModMeDammit 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:45

That's why you play the hoping game until your foot gets through.

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 16:46

So your tellin me you can't use your mind powers to do it for you? What is this? Amature hour?!

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 20:36

Looks like someone...needs more practice.

silentbutfunny 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:47

Boxer or briefs?

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 16:00

Boxer briefs or man thong?

Capt_Awesome137 0

Send a private message

Thursday 26 January 2012 0:42

I might ask male or female first.

Send a private message

Thursday 26 January 2012 1:23

I'm pretty sure the correct term is "manty hoes"

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:47

American laziness at its finest.

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:53

Why would a lazy person bother to put undies on in the first place???!

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 16:08

Or even have the energy to post an FML about it afterwards, I know after putting on my batman undies I am beat...

ClassyCommando 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 17:10

...ting up inmates with 24-chain combo attacks and inverted takedowns from gargoyles on Arkham City for hours. Sorry, couldn't resist. You put an ellipsis at the end of your comment :)

ClassyCommando 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 17:17

*ing I done goofed.

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 20:40

Why would a lazy person put their undies standing??

danceforever51 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 21:12

Someone please explain to me how that's lazy? Too lazy to sit down? Well when sitting down while putting on your undies that means you're butt naked on your bed. Ew.

IdfkMyUsernamexC 5

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 21:26

5 - Stop sipping that haterade. ;o

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 21:37

71- I don't think anyone is complaining, or saying "ew" when they are butt naked on a bed.

Branflakes78 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 21:58

How is he lazy he was obviously standing in order to sprain he ankle

CeruleanThree 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 22:28

5- According to your info page, you're also from America...

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 23:54

77's got it.

Send a private message

Thursday 26 January 2012 1:16

75- I was thinking the same thing..

Almighty_Chris97 6

Send a private message

Thursday 26 January 2012 4:35

Guys, obviously falling down is the equivalent of laziness.

klimp 0

Send a private message

Thursday 26 January 2012 18:53

All I can say is F*ck You!

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:48

Uh oh spaghettio

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:51

That's talent

kooochris1995 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 20:42

No. I think it's the opposite of talent.

Yourheadache 19

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 21:37

^Love your profile picture

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:51

I've never heard of such excitement when somebody put underwear ON!

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:52

Haha I've done that before but I hit my head against the wall and I didn't sprain my ankle.

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:55

Apparently they were wearing you down...

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 17:32

...to the ground out in the rain boom. Boom. Boom. The ants come marching 3 by 3 hurrah Sorry i had to you left the comment without an end. X)

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 17:35

Sorry but your ellipsis was like a magnet to my troll instincts

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 17:38

That's what they are there for, so the trolls can have a little fun.

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 January 2012 17:45

That was awesome! But now I'm angry.. That stupid song is stuck in my head! *whispering* the ants come marching 4 by 4. Hurrah! Hurrah!..... Aaaagh!!!!