Today, I was cleaning my apartment because I'm moving. I was... - FML

By Anonymous - 13/5/2009 07:13 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my apartment because I'm moving. I was being really thorough so I could get as much of the damage deposit back as possible. I noticed I still had one of those 3M plastic hooks on the wall, and when I went to carefully take it off, a large chunk of the wall came with it. FML

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Proactive

Gas giant

Bad news

By Anonymous - 29/12/2016 02:38

Today, I walked into the living room to find my boyfriend plucking his ball hairs with the same tweezers I use for my eyebrows. FML

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By ivegotapackage - 5/1/2015 23:47 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I got a notice on my apartment door that I'd received a package when no one was home, and it was left at the backdoor. I don't have a backdoor. FML

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By MissBeEyeTeeSeeH - 8/11/2009 11:46 - Canada

Today, It was pretty nice out, so I decided to walk to work. Not twenty minutes after leaving, it started to pour. I was soaking when I got there and had to change. My boyfriend works next door, so I asked him if he could give me a ride. His reply? "Sorry Babe, I just can't be seen with you like that." FML

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By Ananimus - 26/8/2015 12:31 - United States - Peekskill

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML

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By Nice Melons - 29/9/2013 21:12 - United States

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

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By Jlipka - 22/5/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, while house sitting, I went to take my pizza out of the oven, not realizing that the oven mitt had a hole in it. FML

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By Me - 3/6/2013 05:32 - United States - Homer Glen

Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2016 12:31

Proud

Today, I found a "White Power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML

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By Christmas sucks - 24/12/2012 01:03 - United States - Boston

Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML

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By Mr. Headshot - 25/4/2011 05:01

Today, I celebrated my birthday with a few friends at home. As I bent down over my cake, my friend pushed my face into it. The baker should have told me she put in a stick to support the cake. FML

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By shadow1248 - 27/5/2012 05:06 - United States - Stamford

Today, I had finally gotten my dogs to quiet down and my baby to fall asleep. Not thirty seconds later, my neighbor's car alarm went off. They aren't home for the weekend, and the damn alarm has now been blaring for three hours. FML

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By maggieyokoi - 15/6/2015 19:11

Today, I had to explain to my little brother yet again that no, socks don't count as toilet paper. FML

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By mydadsawsooomuch - 17/11/2010 13:26 - United States

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 05:01

Near the knuckle

Today, as a waitress I served someone who was hoping their food would come back faster than expected. I replied, “Fingers crossed!” just for the person to show me they had no hands. FML

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By Username - 15/8/2011 21:38 - United States

Today, I got a really bad sunburn on my face while at the lake. Not to worry, though; my friends made me feel better by saying, "It takes the attention away from your acne." FML

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By bjfail - 9/1/2010 15:56 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

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By Jon - 7/7/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I hit a horrible tee shot from the 18th hole. I decided to use my driver to take my frustration out on a nearby bush. The bees who lived in that bush decided to use their stingers to take out their frustration up inside my golf shorts. FML

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By Roxas - 14/2/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2011 21:15 - United States

Today, my husband was kind enough to hold my hair back while I was going down on him, but didn't have the thought to comfort me this morning while I suffered the effects of morning sickness. FML

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By screwed - 8/2/2012 01:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally met my girlfriend. Unfortunately, he was driving the ambulance that she was in, due to severe alcohol poisoning and was on the way to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. FML

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By couch_potato - 28/3/2013 07:53

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

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By walkingdictionary - 18/1/2013 02:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

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By aye! - 25/7/2020 02:02

Porque no los dos?

Today, just like every other day, I noticed that one of my male coworkers always stares at me while passing by or when it's time for lunch. I read somewhere that if a person stares at you too long, they either want to have sex with you or want to kill you. He has a girlfriend, so I doubt it's the first option. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2012 23:12 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I wanted nothing more than to go home and get into bed. While I was unlocking my front door, the flimsy key snapped off inside the lock. A locksmith was called out, who did nothing but sadistically guffaw at my misfortune and crack sarcastic jokes as he undid the lock. FML

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By Ugh - 13/12/2016 14:39

Today, at my work in a self-service chinese restaurant, a lady came up to me, pointed to the plate she loaded with honey king prawns, and yelled at me because she was allergic to seafood. She demanded a refund and another plate. Everything is clearly labeled. FML

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By rybread - 1/3/2010 00:34 - United States

Today, I was on a crowded el train listening to my iPod touch. As I stepped off the train, my headphones got caught on a man's jacket and my iPod fell on the floor. The doors shut. I then watched the train pull away. With my iPod on it. FML

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By adderallgirl - 12/6/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML

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By ugamayne - 17/2/2010 12:50 - United States

Today, I had to X-ray an 81 year old lady. The clothes she was wearing would show up on the X-ray so I had to make her change into a gown. I found out the hard way that 81 year olds still go commando. FML

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By Monty Python's Flying Circus - 19/5/2017 04:00

Today, it's been three weeks since my son found my old red dress and hat outfit in the attic, and like every day since then, he has been putting it on and bursting into rooms without warning and shouting, "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" He's almost 18 and going to college in September. FML

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By blushingbride - 9/2/2014 21:59 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

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By Noname - 18/1/2009 10:24 - United States

Today, I tried buying a video game that was rated "M - for mature". The Cashier told me "you have to be 17 to buy this game". I didn't have any ID on me. I'm 25. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2013 23:21 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

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By looking - 25/9/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

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By loserr - 28/2/2014 17:13 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2014 09:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my wooden floor gave me a splinter on the bottom of my foot. I don't have the flexibility nor the eyesight to find it. FML

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By whateven333 - 18/2/2015 04:02 - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML

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By wtf - 17/12/2012 19:38 - United States

Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML

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By KilteDKilleR - 15/10/2011 14:02 - United States

Today, I went to visit my grandpa. He has an easily excited dog, who barreled into my freshly broken knee. I felt my knee move out of place again. The dog chipped a tooth. We went to the vet first. FML

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By bagpipesrkmywrld - 27/5/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, my most difficult task at work was three hole punching a 500 page document so somebody could put it in a binder on their shelf and not read it. I have a $150,000 education. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2014 08:56 - Malawi

Today, I went to a coworker's wedding. Instead of getting to celebrate their marriage, we spent most of the service being lectured by the priest on how women are a freak by-product of "God's masterpiece design" and are the cause of all the world's problems. FML

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Top comments

By SailorButterfly | 8

#194945 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:47

That happened to me! I hadn't paid a deposit, but I would have had to pay if the apartment was damaged. I glued back in as much of the chunk as I could, and I never heard anything about it....and even received paperwork saying I didn't owe anything. So they either didn't notice or didn't care! lol

By shortshan | 0

#194938 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:45

Sounds like something that would happen to me... that blows... Sorry!

COMMENTS

By sjks | 0

#194907 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:40

lol ouch

Reply

killer6969 | 16

#5508394 - Monday 27 May 2013 5:27

This is a scene form how
I met your mother

By urallosers | 0

#194908 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:41

so stop being a loser and fix it. all you need is paint, spackling paste, and a spatula. I'm pretty sure that's a wise nivestment compared to not getting a security deposit back.

Reply

cheerbabe3254 | 4

#3933396 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 4:17

Y don't YOU stop being a loser it isn't as easy as it sounds!!!!!!

Reply

YourOpinionSucks | 22

#6405773 - Wednesday 9 September 2015 11:49

It kind of is, you dumbass.

By cselby | 0

#194909 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:41

hahaha that sucks, but you really could have just left the hook. YDI

By Stupidpeople | 0

#194914 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:41

Clumsy!!

By Taubin | 0

#194916 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:41

Wow, that really sucks lol

By tick_tock | 0

#194932 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:44

So just get a little bit of plaster or something and fix it. It isn't that hard.

By shortshan | 0

#194938 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:45

Sounds like something that would happen to me... that blows... Sorry!

By SailorButterfly | 8

#194945 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:47

That happened to me! I hadn't paid a deposit, but I would have had to pay if the apartment was damaged. I glued back in as much of the chunk as I could, and I never heard anything about it....and even received paperwork saying I didn't owe anything. So they either didn't notice or didn't care! lol

By Lurch420 | 0

#194957 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:53

I agree with number 3, my grandparents own rent property and people leave stuff like that all the time and it's usually not a big deal, the renters usually get their full security deposit back

By DarkMirror | 0

#194962 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:54

agree with #7