Miscellaneous: Today, I was cleaning my apartment because I'm moving. I was... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 56

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 1 027

13/05/2009 07:13

Today, I was cleaning my apartment because I'm moving. I was being really thorough so I could get as much of the damage deposit back as possible. I noticed I still had one of those 3M plastic hooks on the wall, and when I went to carefully take it off, a large chunk of the wall came with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 006

You deserved it 8 450

Good kid

Walk the line

Dysfunctional

11/01/2010 13:43

Today, I slid on ice and hit another car while driving to work. My car was totalled, and my leg hurt, while the other car had very little damage. Not two minutes later, the salt truck drove by, spraying the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 541

You deserved it 3 541

26/04/2011 12:03

Today, I went on a date with a woman. She brought along her stuffed rabbit, and introduced us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 868

You deserved it 4 868

14/08/2019 22:00

Today, I was grocery shopping with my kids. As I was buckling them into their car seats, two men jumped out of a truck, hoisted my cart and sped off. According to security, this has become a regular occurrence at the store. My entire month of groceries gone in seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 111

You deserved it 118

19/10/2010 01:09

Today, I discovered my neighbors have bought a karaoke machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 387

You deserved it 4 070

10/10/2012 04:15

Today, I applied for a job as a secretary. As I sat in the waiting room, the interviewer came out with his wife. She gave me a once-over, then said to her husband, "Hire this one. She's so ugly, you would never have an affair with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 080

You deserved it 2 072

09/07/2012 15:09

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 898

You deserved it 12 123

01/08/2009 07:23

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 642

You deserved it 7 889

Celebrate good times come on!

By badplacerightnow - 13/10/2014 14:15

Spicy

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 872

You deserved it 9 193

The grind

By Gunaditya - 26/09/2021 23:00

Today, what did I get after a long, tiring week? A long, depressing weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 98

11/09/2015 18:40

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 271

You deserved it 4 476

13/10/2011 23:20

Today, my brother in law got into a fight with my husband. My pregnant sister was yelling at her husband to stop beating my husband up. When I came into the room, I asked why they were fighting. You'll never guess who the real father of my sister's baby is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 016

You deserved it 3 705

03/10/2012 04:39

Today, I was involved in a 5-way conversation about the movie Inception. I nodded and agreed with things that were said, but couldn't admit that despite having seen it 4 times, I still haven't the foggiest idea of how to explain what it's about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 574

You deserved it 21 576

20/03/2015 14:38

Today, I disproved a scientific theory created by my supervisor. He was furious and said that I shouldn't have tried to disprove him. He told me to continue working with his theory and now he threatens to fire me if I publish my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 595

You deserved it 2 953

26/10/2013 00:49

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 189

You deserved it 5 335

05/01/2012 05:17

Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 076

You deserved it 3 536

21/11/2011 16:23

Today, while watching a man in front of me on the bus remove his cap to scratch his noggin, I noticed the swarm of dandruff that was about to nail me in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 390

You deserved it 2 504

29/08/2019 15:00

Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 227

04/10/2015 13:21

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her dad showed me his gun collection, and said the first rule of gun safety is never to point a gun at something you don't intend to kill. All while waving a handgun in my direction and glaring at me with barely suppressed rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 645

You deserved it 2 194

09/12/2009 09:20

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 879

You deserved it 4 808

30/04/2009 02:11

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 102

You deserved it 8 814

01/05/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I got diarrhea. During sex. I didn’t even make it out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 807

You deserved it 341

Happy New Year!

By Anonymous - 01/01/2021 11:01

Today, my New Year’s Eve consisted of four things: being home alone, drinking cheap alcohol out of a tooth mug, getting an upset stomach from that, then going to bed early with ear plugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 206

13/09/2009 15:57

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 133

You deserved it 3 526

Congrats!

By sodonewiththis89 - 10/02/2021 13:59

Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 63

You tried

By well okay then - 10/09/2012 04:39

Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 933

You deserved it 3 440

20/12/2010 14:51

Today, I slipped at work while putting out a "wet floor" sign to make sure the customers didn't slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 964

You deserved it 6 527

04/09/2012 16:44

Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 589

You deserved it 53 987

30/06/2011 00:04

Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 912

You deserved it 5 594

25/09/2016 07:11

Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 437

You deserved it 717

11/04/2014 23:49

Today, the guy I live with demanded that I get a job or start paying rent. It'd be perfectly reasonable, if he wasn't my husband, and if I hadn't just given birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 998

You deserved it 5 870

10/09/2013 18:44

Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 679

You deserved it 6 715

Oh nooooo

By Fucked. - 26/04/2021 07:59

Today, my supervisor at work is now my father-in-law. My girlfriend told me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 154

30/05/2017 16:00

Today, I got up very early to join my fit, slim, husband for a morning walk, since I work from home, order food to be delivered, and barely leave the couch. Afterwards, he biked off to work, and I went straight back to bed. With some candy. Small steps, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625

You deserved it 2 607

19/01/2013 23:35

Today, I woke up following one of the worst nightmares of my life. I was sweating, clutching the sheets, and feeling sick to the stomach. I'd been dreaming of my wedding that's taking place next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 752

You deserved it 7 142

25/04/2009 16:18

Today, I received my new cell phone and activated my account. As part of the package, I get to choose five numbers that I can call without using any minutes. I could still only think of three numbers I call regularly: my parent's house, my mom's cell and my ex's cell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 999

You deserved it 13 479

Sensitive

By airbiscuit - 21/01/2013 12:36

Spicy

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 961

You deserved it 6 470

25/01/2013 06:30

Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 240

You deserved it 2 799

Roller coaster ride

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 06:00

Spicy

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 1 638

04/06/2017 00:00

Today, my hate for my mother-in-law now outweighs my love for my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 665

You deserved it 351

Healthy relationship goals

By leapfrog998 - 05/08/2021 14:01

Today, my husband told me to stop being friends with my best guy friend because I won't let him hang out with his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 858

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Top comments

SailorButterfly 8

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Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:47

That happened to me! I hadn't paid a deposit, but I would have had to pay if the apartment was damaged. I glued back in as much of the chunk as I could, and I never heard anything about it....and even received paperwork saying I didn't owe anything. So they either didn't notice or didn't care! lol

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Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:45

Sounds like something that would happen to me... that blows... Sorry!

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sjks 0

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Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:40

lol ouch

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Monday 27 May 2013 5:27

This is a scene form how I met your mother

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Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:41

so stop being a loser and fix it. all you need is paint, spackling paste, and a spatula. I'm pretty sure that's a wise nivestment compared to not getting a security deposit back.

cheerbabe3254 4

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 4:17

Y don't YOU stop being a loser it isn't as easy as it sounds!!!!!!

YourOpinionSucks 22

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Wednesday 9 September 2015 11:49

It kind of is, you dumbass.

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Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:41

hahaha that sucks, but you really could have just left the hook. YDI

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Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:41

Clumsy!!

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Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:41

Wow, that really sucks lol

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Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:44

So just get a little bit of plaster or something and fix it. It isn't that hard.

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Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:45

Sounds like something that would happen to me... that blows... Sorry!

SailorButterfly 8

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Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:47

That happened to me! I hadn't paid a deposit, but I would have had to pay if the apartment was damaged. I glued back in as much of the chunk as I could, and I never heard anything about it....and even received paperwork saying I didn't owe anything. So they either didn't notice or didn't care! lol

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Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:53

I agree with number 3, my grandparents own rent property and people leave stuff like that all the time and it's usually not a big deal, the renters usually get their full security deposit back

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Wednesday 13 May 2009 17:54

agree with #7