Holidays: Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner...

By meh - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

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Holidays

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

Ungrateful

Recycling helps

By Devon - United States

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

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By jezebel - United States

Today, I got a call from the office telling me I was fired. When I asked why, my boss explained my mother called and told him I was in a "weak mental state." She thought she was helping me get off for my birthday. Now I have no job. FML

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By danonno - Canada - Nelson

Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, a car hit me while I was in a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Mount Eliza

Today, I gave my boss a gift card as a late birthday present, since I wasn't in the office on his actual birthday. He accused me of trying to bribe my way to a promotion, and suspended me on the spot. FML

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By thatgirl34 - Australia

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went to a haunted show restaurant. I needed the toilet badly, but they were inside the building, which could only be gotten to via a ghost train. The footage of me peeing myself in terror on the train was played on a big screen inside, in front of a crowd of onlookers. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 08:03

Planned assault

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be wise to joke that we needed to postpone our reunion for another week. We haven't seen each other for almost 4 months, due to events out of our control. He thinks he's funny. He'll get punched when we do see each other again. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bloomington

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

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By whyarewerelated - United Kingdom

Today, I was working alone in the office with my brother. He's run out of work to do, so has been singing Disney songs loudly and badly, throwing stationery at me, and just now snuck up on me from behind and wrapped duct tape round my face. It's just us in the office next week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after my check cleared for my half of the $1000 deposit on our new apartment. FML

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By cockblocked - United States - Goose Creek

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

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By Mayshod

Today, I met my new neighbors when they backed into my parked car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was stripped of my starting position on my high school basketball team. The reason? I was three minutes late to practice. Why was I late? My coach called me five minutes before practice and made me get him a coffee or else he wouldn't start me. FML

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By TheLostCauseFML - United States - Quitman

Today, I'm so broke that I had a money nightmare. I'd accidentally purchased a single potato for exactly $22 and it was non-refundable. FML

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By shut_up - United States - Roseburg

Today, after I had watched a few videos of myself, I realized the sound of my own voice is the single most annoying thing I have ever heard. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that if you're going to tell your mother you are gay, make sure she isn't holding a frying pan filled with hot grease. FML

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By DOGSNACHER - United States

Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything was torn and chewed up. I suddenly see a dog walk across the hall. I don't have a dog. FML

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By IngenuityAbsent - Canada - Grimsby

Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML

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By JJAnd - United States

Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML

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By KMKWEEN - United States

Today, I was at work. I work at a grocery store and a woman pulls a cart to me filled with chips, breads, lunch meats, and sodas. I said to her "Looks like you are going to have a fun party" she then looks at me and says "My mother just died, this is for after the funeral. FML

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By vickyxanne - United States

Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML

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By Huedadaa - France - Cauffry

Today, I asked my students to buy a copy of Anne Frank's diary for an assignment. One of them asked me in all seriousness who wrote it. FML

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By kebaby - United States

Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

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By Notfamous - United States - West Point

Today, my mother found out I published a book. She demanded that I pay her all my royalties as repayment for her raising me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Kilkeel

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML

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By Rowansgonnarow

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

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By bigdikbubls - 1/12/2020 05:58 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Naps are important

Today, I realised just how badly I procrastinate because I wanted to take a nap before going out for a friend's birthday, but I kept putting it off until I simply didn't have the time. FML

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By thanksmom - United States

Today, I finally got up the nerve to invite the guy I like to hang out at my house. It was also the day my mother decided that our house is a "pants optional zone," and that she should implement that policy immediately. While he was at our house. FML

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By snapped - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML

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By thatshelpful - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

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By dinomite

Today, I quit my job after I overheard my boss doing a 'hysterical' impression of me telling her about my dad's heart condition. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

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By lax22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, 30 minutes after finishing a great date with a great girl, she texted me and said, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML

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By thwack - United States

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

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By MedChew - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I stepped away from my desk for a few minutes only to return to find the general manager installing updates on my computer. This wouldn't have been an issue had I not pulled up a website explaining in great detail the effects and causes of vaginal yeast infections. FML

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Today, I shaved my lady bits for the first time to surprise my husband, whom I haven't seen in months due to deployment. I ended up with razor burn and my dim-witted husband believes I cheated on him and that it's an STD. Nothing will tell him otherwise. FML

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Top comments

By thejzabs | 25

#6302085 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:29

I can imagine the conversation-
"Hey my apartment sucks. Can you fix it?"
"Nahhh, imma make it worse."

By JOEBOBARNOLD | 15

#6302078 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:27

Well that was rude

COMMENTS

By JOEBOBARNOLD | 15

#6302078 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:27

Well that was rude

beararm | 11

#6302126 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:46

that pic tho lol... perfect

sonasonic | 34

#6302782 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 8:07

She'll definitely win the good neighbour award with that attitude.

By tigerborn69 | 18

#6302080 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:27

Slash her tires

sureshadow | 23

#6302252 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 20:22

I highly doubt that would end well.

ironmany_fml | 23

#6302299 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 21:14

slash her wrists then maybe that'll teach her

PePziNL | 20

#6302558 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 2:59

Wow that escelated quickly

By RobotUnicorn1209 | 26

#6302083 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:28

Shame on her

By thejzabs | 25

#6302085 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:29

I can imagine the conversation-
"Hey my apartment sucks. Can you fix it?"
"Nahhh, imma make it worse."

The_Avatar | 22

#6302389 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 23:46

This made me laugh waaaay harder than it should have hahaha

fader48080 | 10

#6302962 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 15:40

ditto 44

By Emmamazing | 26

#6302087 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:30

Time to find a new place to live. Hopefully somewhere with someone less rude

By Omniprism | 14

#6302094 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:32

Wtf. You need to complain about her.

vampire623 | 6

#6302233 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 19:50

to who op is renting the house from her

NyPokeMaster | 7

#6302249 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 20:18

You don't know how law works, do you?

justgettingit | 6

#6302284 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 20:56

Op did, on FML.

By MELKOZAR | 27

#6302097 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:33

Hopefully it isn't that hot!

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6302351 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:30

If not now, it will be.

thefmlman2011 | 35

#6302363 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:47

its autumn in Australia, it doesn't get that warm during the day.

False_Stupidity | 41

#6302391 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 23:48

It can get rather cold though and it could be a reverse cycle system.
Then again, OP is from Queensland so it doesn't get THAT cold

By bwinski | 19

#6302108 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:36

That's shitty that she took your toilet paper ;)

bossking23 | 15

#6302147 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 18:05

Cmon does someone have to make that pun EVERY FUCKING TIME there's an FML involving shit

PePziNL | 20

#6302560 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 3:00

Nooooooooooo. No.

By RickySleeves | 20

#6302109 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:38

Sounds like Consuella

toasterspoon | 17

#6302121 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:42

This is a winner of a comment

EvilTurtle | 35

#6302193 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 19:09

no no

santosb1 | 11

#6302232 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 19:50

need more lemon pledge

bingalingading | 12

#6302353 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:34

meester super man not here...

By abbyade | 21

#6302111 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:39

Time to look for a new flat