Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner...

By meh - 26/5/2015 05:09 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

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Holidays

Rock, hard place

The end of the road

Boom, headshot

By Unemployed - 30/9/2009 09:03 - Malaysia

Today, I fell asleep during my division emergency meeting. As I about to head home that evening, my boss patted me on the back saying "Wrong move. Good luck". Turned out, it was a meeting to determine who will be kicked out of the company due to recession. My name was written first on the list. FML

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By cain001 - 4/1/2011 00:56 - United States

Today, my boss and I were stacking boxes in the back room of the store. One of the boxes fell and hit me in the face, causing me to lose my glasses. My boss stepped on my glasses as she ran to check the box for broken merchandise, which I then had to pay for. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2018 08:00 - United States - Wauseon

Today, a police officer stopped me and told me he got an anonymous tip that I was going to kill myself. I wasnt. Protocol says he had to bring me straight to a hospital where I explained that someone was messing with me. nobody listened. Now I have a hospital bill for $2,250. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2009 13:20 - United States

Today, I went to watch the Movie "UP." At one point in the movie I got really sad and started to cry a bit. The 7 year old girl next to me noticed and told me to shut and man up. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2011 04:27 - Canada

Today, my dog took a dump beside the air intake for our furnace. The house now smells like dog crap. FML

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By PPP - 28/4/2015 15:05 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

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By Frouse - 4/6/2019 16:00

Today, after getting home from work late last night and feeling lazy, I'd put my leftover dinner in the microwave, spoon and all. I wake up to find one of the kids started the microwave and it blew up because of the metal spoon. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2009 13:23 - Australia

Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2015 16:56 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

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By xXMudkipNoobXx - 13/1/2012 01:20 - United States

Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2010 15:07 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I got a graphing calculator and my period. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2013 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2012 10:02 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I decided to delete my Facebook account. My older sister repeatedly called me in tears asking why I'm cutting her out of my life. It seems I can't get rid of social media without my family taking offence. FML

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By RIP_Nose - 3/4/2014 21:48 - Germany - Aidenbach

Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2018 19:00

Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML

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By fmmlll - 18/10/2010 08:56 - United States

Today, I'm going on an 8 hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I don't know what's worse, the fact that my hair sheds so much, or the fact that I find most of it in my butt crack. FML

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By jennabean - 12/8/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was in the car for 8 hours driving home from North Carolina with my family. We brought my dog along and I was petting her for most of the ride. I thought she fell asleep, so I continued to play with her. She never woke up. I played with a dead dog for almost an hour and a half. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2020 14:02

Let it out

Today, I know it’s pathetic to cry after sex, so you can imagine how pathetic I feel when I cry after masturbating, because cleaning my vibrator afterwards just reminds me how long it’s been since I had a man, and how lonely I am. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:24 - Australia

Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML

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By Earths_Venus - 25/12/2009 06:28 - Australia

Today, I sat for 3 hours at my boyfriend's Christmas celebrations. He has 22 cousins. They open presents one at a time. In silence. I got nothing. FML

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By P0wned - 29/9/2009 21:21 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

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By Eric Ngan - 12/5/2012 16:01 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

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By trgtyo - 18/5/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our livingroom wall with a painted one. Of our German Sheperd. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2009 04:55 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was worthless and could not do anything by myself. Determined to prove her wrong I attempted to install the AC that I had neglected to put in for the past month. While placing it on the window it fell through landing on her prized roses and breaking into pieces. FML

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By replik - 25/1/2012 15:50 - Russian Federation

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

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By maggu - 11/2/2013 04:26 - Denmark

Today, my mom started referring to me as "The Bitch". When I asked her why, she said that I have always been a bitch, but I was never old enough for her to actually call me a bitch. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2013 14:01 - United States - Shelby

Today, I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast and there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away, my mother yelled, "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for you muddafuckas to show up." FML

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By rapper in training - 11/2/2012 01:02 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML

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By just about pissed off - 11/8/2013 17:24 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, to help with my insomnia, I downloaded some relaxing rain MP3s and set them to loop. For the first time in ages, I fell asleep within minutes. Somewhere around 5, however, the sound of trickling water caused my bladder to empty itself all over my bed. FML

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By sluttydancer - 10/6/2009 13:51 - United States

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

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By harrypottermuch - 26/11/2009 11:50 - Canada

Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on a cellphone stand. FML

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By epiiphany - 16/12/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, my little brother got mad at me, so he colored the entire screen of my new iPod Touch with a black sharpie. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 04:12 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, I tried buying alcohol for the first time. I have a baby face, so I had my ID ready. The store owner admitted that my ID looked real enough, but he wouldn't believe it wasn't just an elaborate fake. He very nearly called the cops on me. FML

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By tedfragle - 28/9/2016 09:52 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I realised that as I get closer to home, I drive slower and slower so I'm away from my husband for longer. FML

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By Miss_Kristen - 26/2/2012 15:31 - United States

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

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By areyouserious - 17/11/2014 03:46 - United States - Fresno

Today, my older brother thinks typing out a Wikipedia article for an essay is not plagiarism, because he didn't "copy and paste" it. He's in college. FML

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By Fml24609 - 20/8/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, I ended up sleeping on the dirty floor because my sister didn't want to share a king sized bed with me. She got up to get a drink and stepped on my face. FML

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By youngboob - 21/10/2014 15:42 - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

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Top comments

By thejzabs | 25

#6302085 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:29

I can imagine the conversation-
"Hey my apartment sucks. Can you fix it?"
"Nahhh, imma make it worse."

By JOEBOBARNOLD | 15

#6302078 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:27

Well that was rude

COMMENTS

By JOEBOBARNOLD | 15

#6302078 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:27

Well that was rude

beararm | 11

#6302126 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:46

that pic tho lol... perfect

sonasonic | 34

#6302782 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 8:07

She'll definitely win the good neighbour award with that attitude.

By tigerborn69 | 18

#6302080 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:27

Slash her tires

sureshadow | 23

#6302252 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 20:22

I highly doubt that would end well.

ironmany_fml | 23

#6302299 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 21:14

slash her wrists then maybe that'll teach her

PePziNL | 20

#6302558 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 2:59

Wow that escelated quickly

By RobotUnicorn1209 | 26

#6302083 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:28

Shame on her

By thejzabs | 25

#6302085 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:29

I can imagine the conversation-
"Hey my apartment sucks. Can you fix it?"
"Nahhh, imma make it worse."

The_Avatar | 22

#6302389 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 23:46

This made me laugh waaaay harder than it should have hahaha

fader48080 | 10

#6302962 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 15:40

ditto 44

By Emmamazing | 26

#6302087 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:30

Time to find a new place to live. Hopefully somewhere with someone less rude

By Omniprism | 14

#6302094 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:32

Wtf. You need to complain about her.

vampire623 | 6

#6302233 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 19:50

to who op is renting the house from her

NyPokeMaster | 7

#6302249 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 20:18

You don't know how law works, do you?

justgettingit | 6

#6302284 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 20:56

Op did, on FML.

By MELKOZAR | 27

#6302097 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:33

Hopefully it isn't that hot!

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6302351 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:30

If not now, it will be.

thefmlman2011 | 34

#6302363 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:47

its autumn in Australia, it doesn't get that warm during the day.

False_Stupidity | 41

#6302391 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 23:48

It can get rather cold though and it could be a reverse cycle system.
Then again, OP is from Queensland so it doesn't get THAT cold

By bwinski | 19

#6302108 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:36

That's shitty that she took your toilet paper ;)

bossking23 | 15

#6302147 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 18:05

Cmon does someone have to make that pun EVERY FUCKING TIME there's an FML involving shit

PePziNL | 20

#6302560 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 3:00

Nooooooooooo. No.

By RickySleeves | 20

#6302109 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:38

Sounds like Consuella

toasterspoon | 17

#6302121 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:42

This is a winner of a comment

EvilTurtle | 35

#6302193 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 19:09

no no

santosb1 | 11

#6302232 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 19:50

need more lemon pledge

bingalingading | 12

#6302353 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:34

meester super man not here...

By abbyade | 21

#6302111 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:39

Time to look for a new flat