Holidays: Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner...

By meh - 26/05/2015 05:09 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 526

You deserved it 2 236

Holidays

Barf

Assumptions

Thanks, dad

By shugberry - 01/09/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my mum on the London Underground. We were standing on the platform, when she suddenly bought up a load of phlegm in her mouth. Instead of trying to find a bin, she just full on spat out the biggest green pile on the floor next to people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 712

You deserved it 115

Orwellian nightmare

By anonymous - 24/10/2014 13:47 - Austria - Vienna

Today, while reading "1984" on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 121

You deserved it 3 266

By atleese - 31/12/2011 15:37 - United States

Today, I was having 'goodbye' sex with my boyfriend. Now for the next four months he's going to remember our last time as the one where I farted and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 397

You deserved it 31 808

By Anonymous - 05/09/2011 04:38 - Canada

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 642

You deserved it 15 144

By socially awkward - 10/03/2012 06:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink to build up enough courage to talk to women at a bar is the exact amount of alcohol that prevents me from getting a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 199

You deserved it 8 877

By Mallory - 27/11/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, after admitting he had feelings for me, my crush returned from out of town. He'd said that while he was gone, he'd meet people, but only think of me. He came back no longer single. He's known her for 4 days. We've known each other for 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 773

You deserved it 3 953

By I will find you and I will fucking fuck y - 05/01/2014 20:39 - United Kingdom - Falmouth

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 014

You deserved it 4 946

By Anonymous - 14/02/2013 00:00 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 286

You deserved it 5 082

Time is of the essence

By N/A - 26/05/2020 02:00

Today, my job offer from a Fortune 500 company was canceled because of the coronavirus. This is the third time this year a job I passed interviews and tests for got canceled. I’m an international student who just graduated last week. I only have 90 days to find a job to stay in the US. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 721

You deserved it 184

By Wellgreat - 30/11/2018 03:00

Today, I convinced my roommate, who’s been single for a while, to get back in the dating game. He downloaded Tinder. His first match was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 393

You deserved it 270

Scam artists

By oldladiesbecrazy - 03/09/2021 07:59

Today, in a market, an old lady stood beside me for a few moments, not saying a word, before turning to me and screaming that I'd taken the money out of her purse. Security was called and I was given the ultimatum to either go to jail or give her the money back. Now I have no food for next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 98

By Byepax - 06/03/2015 14:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom found out I'm failing three classes. Now she won't let me go to a convention I bought passes for weeks in advance. Each pass was $45, and I bought 2 more for my friends. You do the math on that, because I apparently can't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 052

You deserved it 45 517

By Anonymous - 31/10/2017 13:36 - United States - New Castle

Today, a student turned in homework she copied off an online answer key. The wrong key. My students are too stupid to cheat right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 760

You deserved it 292

By geewhy - 26/12/2012 21:20 - United States - South Park

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 590

You deserved it 5 410

By shinee - 15/08/2010 16:05 - Singapore

Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 313

You deserved it 3 611

By Ariel_Mariaa - 04/11/2011 23:25 - Canada

Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 473

You deserved it 4 265

By leftwardfoil - 19/08/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 384

You deserved it 3 344

Hot pixels

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 16:59

Today, after months of having my standards lowered by how unattractive guys' dating profiles are, I found myself masturbating to the yellow guy from Sin City. Yep. He's hot compared to my real options. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 539

By Uncomfortable - 17/05/2013 07:21

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 655

You deserved it 5 307

By reb2632 - 29/05/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 000

You deserved it 12 699

By butch - 13/11/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 339

You deserved it 2 367

By lonelyniceguy - 24/03/2010 23:50 - United States

Today, my sister's boyfriend came over to the house. I thought I would be nice and cook them both a dinner along with my own. Mine took a little longer to cook, so they ate before me and went back to her bedroom. I ate alone to the sound of them having fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 592

You deserved it 4 634

By aswamk - 19/12/2015 05:01 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 925

You deserved it 1 693

By whoahshloann - 30/05/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 839

You deserved it 53 984

By Francoise3 - 18/03/2009 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I received an e-mail from the girls at work. It was an invite to lunch but it said, "Lunch today at Camber's, PLEASE don't tell Francoise, I don't think any of us can take any more of her!" I'm Francoise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 902

You deserved it 19 417

By BobbyMalone - 17/01/2009 14:11 - Canada

Today, my mother asked a woman at the clothing store we go to all the time when her baby was due. Turns out the woman isn't pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 041

You deserved it 5 232

By Sucks2suck - 20/11/2018 05:00

Today, I received an invitation to my ex’s wedding. We were dating for three years and just broke up four months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 025

You deserved it 206

By Hth - 28/10/2008 00:13 - United States

Today, I farted A LOT during my exam, all silent so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I am now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 291

You deserved it 43 617

By obese_chicken - 06/11/2009 06:59 - Australia

Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 948

You deserved it 8 292

By Earplugged - 25/01/2015 05:01 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment because my neighbor won't turn down his music. My landlord doesn't believe me because "people with disabilities can't be rude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 614

You deserved it 2 144

Vicious circle

By DarkMaskDiva - 21/03/2020 18:00

Today, I found out the medication my doctor gave me for depression is making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 195

By gb - 18/08/2011 05:18 - Australia

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 501

You deserved it 8 834

By Anonymous - 13/02/2015 22:49 - United States

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 052

You deserved it 3 572

By takingthebus - 16/09/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got pulled over and arrested for driving with a suspended license. Instead of getting my car impounded, his friend thought he'd do me a favor and drive it back to me. He doesn't know how to drive stick and blew my engine. My boyfriend is in jail and I no longer have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 165

You deserved it 6 512

By Anonymous - 05/09/2009 02:43 - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 896

You deserved it 5 645

Two rooms, two atmospheres

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 16:58

Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 134

By GoodbyeNewJob - 17/11/2016 18:00

Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 913

You deserved it 3 684

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 23:01

Today, I was texting my boyfriend while in the car with my family. He sent a particularly racy text, and my little sister happened to look over at my phone and then asked quite loudly, "What does anal mean?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 984

By paris78 - 18/10/2009 00:04 - Canada

Today, a person came into McDonald's, where I work. They ordered a happy meal. As they were an adult, I assumed the meal was for their child, who wasn't with them. When I asked if the toy was for a boy or a girl, they said the toy was for them. I still had to ask if it was for a boy or a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 840

You deserved it 4 131

By Benjamin - 25/01/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 718

You deserved it 3 029

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Top comments

thejzabs 25

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:29

I can imagine the conversation- "Hey my apartment sucks. Can you fix it?" "Nahhh, imma make it worse."

JOEBOBARNOLD 15

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:27

Well that was rude

JOEBOBARNOLD 15

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:27

Well that was rude

beararm 11

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:46

that pic tho lol... perfect

sonasonic 34

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Wednesday 27 May 2015 8:07

She'll definitely win the good neighbour award with that attitude.

tigerborn69 18

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:27

Slash her tires

sureshadow 23

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 20:22

I highly doubt that would end well.

ironmany_fml 23

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 21:14

slash her wrists then maybe that'll teach her

PePziNL 20

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Wednesday 27 May 2015 2:59

Wow that escelated quickly

RobotUnicorn1209 26

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:28

Shame on her

thejzabs 25

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:29

I can imagine the conversation- "Hey my apartment sucks. Can you fix it?" "Nahhh, imma make it worse."

The_Avatar 22

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 23:46

This made me laugh waaaay harder than it should have hahaha

fader48080 10

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Wednesday 27 May 2015 15:40

ditto 44

Emmamazing 26

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:30

Time to find a new place to live. Hopefully somewhere with someone less rude

Omniprism 14

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:32

Wtf. You need to complain about her.

vampire623 6

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 19:50

to who op is renting the house from her

NyPokeMaster 7

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 20:18

You don't know how law works, do you?

justgettingit 6

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 20:56

Op did, on FML.

MELKOZAR 27

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:33

Hopefully it isn't that hot!

laden_swallow09 34

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:30

If not now, it will be.

thefmlman2011 35

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:47

its autumn in Australia, it doesn't get that warm during the day.

False_Stupidity 41

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 23:48

It can get rather cold though and it could be a reverse cycle system. Then again, OP is from Queensland so it doesn't get THAT cold

bwinski 19

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:36

That's shitty that she took your toilet paper ;)

bossking23 15

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 18:05

Cmon does someone have to make that pun EVERY FUCKING TIME there's an FML involving shit

PePziNL 20

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Wednesday 27 May 2015 3:00

Nooooooooooo. No.

RickySleeves 20

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:38

Sounds like Consuella

toasterspoon 17

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:42

This is a winner of a comment

EvilTurtle 35

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 19:09

no no

santosb1 11

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 19:50

need more lemon pledge

bingalingading 12

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:34

meester super man not here...

abbyade 21

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:39

Time to look for a new flat

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 38

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 200

Orwellian nightmare

Time is of the essence

Scam artists

Hot pixels

Vicious circle

Two rooms, two atmospheres

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