Health: Today, I spent an excruciating hour walking to campus with a...

By LegInPieces - 17/10/2013 16:34 - United States - Redmond

Today, I spent an excruciating hour walking to campus with a broken leg, only to find my professor had left a note on the door saying class was canceled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 825

You deserved it 3 825

Health

BO Central

Compromises

It's all fun and games, until…

By Moanie - 15/03/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 225

You deserved it 29 453

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 19:27 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my coworker cornered me in the office bathroom and insisted that, because she's been watching me, I use the bathroom too quickly and must not be washing my hands, and that I have to wash them from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 226

You deserved it 1 221

By fml9124 - 19/02/2021 19:58

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because her two kids got into my pool. They scaled a two-meter wall to get to my backyard. They used a tree in her yard that hangs over the wall. I guess I could install razor wire on top of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 46

By Simon Cowell - 08/09/2018 20:30

Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 210

You deserved it 839

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for the tattoo artist who gave us our matching "love" tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 291

You deserved it 9 707

By LadyNexus - 07/01/2015 03:54 - United States - Mohrsville

Today, I asked my boyfriend how he felt about me and he said, "You're the hottest seven I've ever met." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 136

You deserved it 4 262

By icantdrive - 19/03/2009 04:22 - Canada

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 262

You deserved it 73 232

By 092492 - 05/03/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 468

You deserved it 3 975

By sunny_ca559 - 03/03/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 497

You deserved it 4 084

By kidneystoner - 14/10/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I passed my kidney stone. After thirteen hours of pain free joy, another one appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 578

You deserved it 2 390

By ljjprchf - 13/12/2009 01:29 - Australia

Today, I asked my kids how much they loved me. My seven year old responded, 'I'll love you forever mummy.' My sixteen year old responded, 'Can you wind down the window, I just farted.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 159

You deserved it 13 770

By Spadiethestar - 31/07/2009 08:36 - France

Today, I discovered that my cheating, stealing ex boyfriend is posting pictures of naked women having group sex, with my face photoshopped onto them. He sent those to my boss, my friends, my family, only because I refused to bail his drunken self out of jail a couple weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 777

You deserved it 7 060

Odd one out

By fun_gal - 25/03/2020 17:00

Today, my family said that we're all in this together, so I headed over to their house before the stay-at-home orders go into effect. When I arrived, my brother came out to stop me in the driveway to say they were practicing social distancing. From me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 207

By Anonymous - 23/06/2014 19:52 - United States

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 610

You deserved it 6 021

Grooming

By kdehshaden - 30/04/2012 08:25 - United States

Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 607

You deserved it 56 548

By GlassJAwkidE - 29/10/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I learned there is a taste difference between grabbing a glass of milk that has been sitting on your night table for a week and the one you put on there 3 minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 021

You deserved it 64 172

Rest in Piss

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 07:30

Today, more of my friends celebrated Rush Limbaugh's death than celebrated when I won a national award two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 330

By BrownDump - 14/05/2011 10:43 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 256

You deserved it 14 161

By Marou - 25/12/2008 01:54 - France

Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 278

You deserved it 11 041

By Me - 12/09/2011 07:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents used all of the college money I have been saving up for 8 years to buy a beach house. The reason they waited until now to tell me? A tree fell on it, and they need more money for repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 265

You deserved it 2 478

By Clare - 21/02/2011 23:15 - Canada

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 709

You deserved it 7 575

By Puzzlepiece - 28/06/2014 14:08 - Australia - Lakemba

Today, I spent the whole day doing a 500 piece puzzle. The last piece didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 158

You deserved it 6 586

By Repethetic - 02/04/2015 12:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend when we came across the most beautiful piece of Japanese furniture. When I inspected it closely, my boyfriend started laughing. Turns out I was making the same noise I make when I orgasm in reaction to a piece of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 726

You deserved it 4 805

By Anonymous - 28/07/2013 17:38 - Slovenia - Ruse

Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 551

You deserved it 3 515

Sensitive

By itsevenworse - 07/08/2021 00:01 - France

Today, my wife is giving me the silent treatment and has locked herself in the bedroom, all because I politely asked her to put the dishcloth away when she was done with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 96

Monday Motivation

By Katie - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, while on trial for a desperately needed new job, I tripped crossing a road with my would-be manager. I twisted my ankle, and he had to carry me across the road and call a taxi for me to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 655

You deserved it 2 916

By bl3ur0z3 - 03/09/2018 22:00

Today, I learned that my new apartment complex does not allow "altercations in community areas". This includes pulling my child out of the pool and reprimanding him for holding his cousin under water. I can't parent outside my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 968

You deserved it 233

By smellymcgee - 25/06/2016 17:21 - United States - Farmington

Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 387

You deserved it 777

Make it easy on yourself

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 04:00

Today, I had depressive feelings, so I decided to write about it to find out what was bothering me, and let go of the negative thoughts. While doing so, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 497

You deserved it 197

By MyPoorEyes - 19/03/2015 13:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 738

You deserved it 3 746

By Anonymous - 30/03/2015 05:56 - United States - Sacramento

Today, a teenage girl with a selfie stick came into my workplace. She knocked down multiple displays while trying to take pictures, before leaving without making a purchase. I had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 120

You deserved it 2 462

By Lonely626 - 16/06/2016 22:26

Today, while talking with a coworker, we discussed a weekend home invasion scenario. It was then that I realized my social circle is so non-existent, that my job would notice I'm gone before my friends would. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 878

You deserved it 1 246

It's not me, it's you

By notjustfat - 20/04/2016 23:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was no longer sexually attracted to me. He then followed that with, "But don't worry, it's not because you're fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 597

You deserved it 2 312

By notacashier - 03/07/2014 12:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 580

You deserved it 28 404

Roommates from hell

By Anonymous - 08/03/2021 08:01

Today, my brother and I were nearly made homeless by a good friend and roommate, because after repeatedly leading on my brother, and admitting she’s disrespected me all along, she and her boyfriend took off suddenly without a word of notice, leaving us to a house we can't afford alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 85

By Anonymous - 11/04/2014 23:49 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, the guy I live with demanded that I get a job or start paying rent. It'd be perfectly reasonable, if he wasn't my husband, and if I hadn't just given birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 004

You deserved it 5 872

Inappropriate question

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 13:59

Today, my new boyfriend asked to know the penis size of every other guy I’ve been with. There are a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 671

Drunk

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 17:59

Today, I awoke in my bathtub, water all over the floor, all the way into my living room. I drank too much so I don't remember getting into the bath, I have no clue how long I was in there, and I got a message from the manager of my apartment complex telling me the water had leaked into the apartment below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 1 393

By Hurtingincanada - 17/10/2018 05:00

Today, I woke up with bronchitis and hemorrhoids. I'm getting married in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 061

You deserved it 184

By Anonymous - 24/08/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 439

You deserved it 5 396

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Top comments

Pleonasm 35

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Friday 18 October 2013 1:18

Well, I'd say "Next time, break a leg" but you already have that covered, so boy did I put my foot in my mouth there. I hope no more slip-ups are in toe on my part.

TheDrifter 23

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Friday 18 October 2013 1:16

Might as well hop along home then.

gonzo12384 5

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Friday 18 October 2013 1:14

omg poor you

\ 28

Friday 18 October 2013 1:17

Professors sometimes think they have the right to be insensitive douchebags because they get paid regardless of how they act/work/teach. College taught me that the hard way...

vipirius 18

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Friday 18 October 2013 1:54

What a waste of a comment.

MrSassypants 32

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Friday 18 October 2013 2:36

#1 That sounds so sarcastic, yet, for some reason I think you're being serious. Either way, it isn't pretty.

gAt_d 26

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Friday 18 October 2013 3:39

No #1, poor you.

cappellaaa 23

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Friday 18 October 2013 4:27

congrats. now everyone knows how much of an ass you are

JMichael 25

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Friday 18 October 2013 1:14

Now spend any excruciating hour walking back.

Kamon97 23

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Friday 18 October 2013 2:36

So dumb your college should email you right away if class gets canceled like mine does

klutz44 28

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Friday 18 October 2013 3:17

Or ask a friend for a ride. Or take public transportation. Or apparate. That's what I would do.

Ch_rae5 19

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Friday 18 October 2013 4:27

why doesnt OP just get a wheel chair

angelwing13 5

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Friday 18 October 2013 5:01

You don't buy a wheelchair, the hospital provides it for u

wallandpiece 16

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Friday 18 October 2013 8:51

Don't they have to pay for health stuff in America?

redsoxgrl824 11

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Sunday 20 October 2013 6:56

55 hospitals do not provide wheelchairs for patients to take home with them.. When I got out of the hospital due to major blood clotting in my legs and it was too painful to walk for a week I bought crutches. Hospitals only provide wheelchairs while your staying there

Katie_9078 8

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Wednesday 16 July 2014 8:12

Who's op? Everyone says it in comments and I have yet to find out what op is. U-U if this makes me look less stupid-I'm sorta new to FML

mattrd_fml 31

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Friday 18 October 2013 1:15

I had something similar once. only I didnt have a broken leg. bht I did have to walk 20 minutes each way in 95 degree weather. Sorry op.

Cupcake040 17

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Friday 18 October 2013 1:24

@3 there's nothing in common with your case or OPs. You were uncomfortable while OP was in pain most likely. You could have speed walked to get inside faster while OP cant

xblaine 17

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Friday 18 October 2013 1:46

#3 I live where it is 110 during the summer. Quit bitching

MrSassypants 32

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Friday 18 October 2013 3:00

3 and 22, that's nothing. I walk home in moderate temperature suitable for me. AIN'T NONE OF Y'ALL GOT NOT'IN ON ME!

Zebediabolical 39

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Friday 18 October 2013 3:13

In my day we had to walk four miles to class without shoes (because they weren't invented yet) in the deep snow. And it was uphill both ways! THE WHOLE TIME!

rememberkids 14

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Friday 18 October 2013 7:07

#40 I always thought Newfies dropped their kids off at school by boat on the way to the Grand Banks.

TheDrifter 23

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Friday 18 October 2013 1:16

Might as well hop along home then.

iffy 20

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Friday 18 October 2013 1:16

Gatorade me BITCH :/

gc327072 30

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Friday 18 October 2013 1:25

What am I not getting here? Anyone?

dmoneycash 13

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Friday 18 October 2013 2:27

Breaking bad reference :)

iffy 20

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Friday 18 October 2013 2:39

Tread lightly, BITCH

Pleonasm 35

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Friday 18 October 2013 1:18

Well, I'd say "Next time, break a leg" but you already have that covered, so boy did I put my foot in my mouth there. I hope no more slip-ups are in toe on my part.

ihpp 22

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Friday 18 October 2013 1:18

oh that type of crap pisses me off. I had a professor that did that. I had to take 2 public buses with a large soft cast and stitches on crutches. only to find out canceled. my sympathy to you and I hope your leg heals soon.