By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, I let a friend cut my hair. I soon went from having a 'fro to looking like I lost a fight with a lawn mower. FML I agree, your life sucks 35654 You deserved it 17327 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By paperbox - Australia Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 51044 You deserved it 3287 206 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By iwearsilkgownstoeatwaffles - United States - Mabank Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML I agree, your life sucks 57779 You deserved it 4392 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RandomMe - Cambodia - Sihanouk Today, I was craving some popcorn, so I went to the supermarket and bought the microwaveable type. When I got home, I remembered I didn't have a microwave. FML I agree, your life sucks 17628 You deserved it 11862 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By disappointedjamaican - United Kingdom - Coventry Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML I agree, your life sucks 52680 You deserved it 4332 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I took my road test. I'd never had driver's training and my mom taught me how to drive. I failed the test so badly, and when I got home my mom admitted to having taught me how to drive completely wrong because she didn't want me to get my license as she thinks I'm too young. I'm 18. FML I agree, your life sucks 58764 You deserved it 4530 195 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/8/2020 14:01 Living a lie Today, I get a scornful look when I try to talk to my husband, let alone try to cheer him up, because he is "severely depressed." Well, unless a friend or neighbor knocks on the door, then he’s the life of the party. Right until they leave. FML I agree, your life sucks 1542 You deserved it 257 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my cat still loves my boyfriend more than me. I spent around 6 months convincing my boyfriend to get a cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 1287 You deserved it 400 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, the two government buildings on either side of my apartment both started renovations. It will be about two months of constant banging as they cut and put up the steel on both sites. FML I agree, your life sucks 3422 You deserved it 239 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - New York Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML I agree, your life sucks 8668 You deserved it 2227 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By EggBomb Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML I agree, your life sucks 5432 You deserved it 9692 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Faktafem Alexa, play "People = Shit" by Slipknot Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML I agree, your life sucks 1562 You deserved it 95 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML I agree, your life sucks 25387 You deserved it 24637 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By good_gravy - United States Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML I agree, your life sucks 24137 You deserved it 3614 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BrokeAF - United States - Great Barrington Today, my ex showed up to pick up our kids in her brand new car. Last month child support doubled my amount because of a paperwork error. FML I agree, your life sucks 2898 You deserved it 321 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bad date - United States - Bennet Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML I agree, your life sucks 30252 You deserved it 3705 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AnonymousUser - Australia - Brisbane Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML I agree, your life sucks 23198 You deserved it 2706 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was planning on breaking up with my girlfriend of five years in two days time. She just mailed me a care package that said, "I'd die without you." FML I agree, your life sucks 41708 You deserved it 13604 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML I agree, your life sucks 55086 You deserved it 9842 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Belgium - Gent Today, I was verbally and physically attacked in a public pool, because I was swimming in what a grandma claimed was her part of the pool. Since I'm a very tolerant person, I calmly tried to talk some reason into the elderly lady. The lifeguard had to come to protect me. FML I agree, your life sucks 23733 You deserved it 1759 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By superclutz - United States Oh, hello… Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breast feeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML I agree, your life sucks 37365 You deserved it 21084 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ulysse - United Kingdom Today, I have my new iPod Touch, and I'm walking down the street. Since it's really cold, I'm wearing gloves. At some point, I want to change the song, and don't want to remove my gloves. I try changing the song with my nose, for about 3 minutes, until I realize I look really stupid. FML I agree, your life sucks 7215 You deserved it 37422 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By likecomeon - United States - Glendale Today, I figured out why my 'best friend' hasn't talked to me in weeks. She assumed an FML post she read was about her. It was posted in 2009. I met her last year. FML I agree, your life sucks 26831 You deserved it 1732 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hatboxghost - United States Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML I agree, your life sucks 65826 You deserved it 7703 302 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whotouchedyou1 - United States - Cypress Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML I agree, your life sucks 57086 You deserved it 11734 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shadowednavi - United States Today, one of the guests I was in the middle of seating knocked an empty wine glass from the table. I assured them it was all right and kneeled down to pick up the now broken glass. The lady insisted on helping as far as picking the glass up and dumping the shards into my open hands. FML I agree, your life sucks 50033 You deserved it 3831 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By finalssuck - United States Today, I found out that I have been studying for the wrong final exam. One more hour until the test. FML I agree, your life sucks 21675 You deserved it 36688 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By IHateMyLife - 1/2/2021 08:01 Best birthday ever! Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80 km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1012 You deserved it 235 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I found out how mature the guy I'm seeing is. After sex, he took the condom off and hit me in the face with it. FML I agree, your life sucks 32857 You deserved it 6746 218 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BleakExpectations Today, my boyfriend of 3 years revealed he'd got me a complete collection of Charles Dickens' novels for £3 from a charity shop. He was particularly proud as he said it meant he could give me one for Christmas and my birthday each year, thus avoiding having to buy me presents for the next 15+ years. FML I agree, your life sucks 5828 You deserved it 584 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Romulus Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML I agree, your life sucks 46313 You deserved it 10373 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Portland Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML I agree, your life sucks 20603 You deserved it 62265 250 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pissed off - United States - Brentwood Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 43627 You deserved it 14908 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, during sex, I somehow sneezed hard enough to really hurt my neck and shoulder. But don't worry, writhing in pain doesn't ruin the mood. My boyfriend just kept going. FML I agree, your life sucks 10628 You deserved it 1345 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Picton Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML I agree, your life sucks 38921 You deserved it 5839 123 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ouchies - United States Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal surgery. My sister flushed a toilet. I couldn't reach the nozzle or my cane to get off the shower bench, and all I could do was sit there as scalding hot water sprayed all over me. FML I agree, your life sucks 42289 You deserved it 2245 159 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By no cake for me - United States - Jackson Heights Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML I agree, your life sucks 16736 You deserved it 25849 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By booyouwhoree - United States Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML I agree, your life sucks 50752 You deserved it 18333 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Zippyzoo - United States Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML I agree, your life sucks 41221 You deserved it 9084 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML I agree, your life sucks 29013 You deserved it 2536 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hail science! - 21/4/2020 08:00 Heretic! Today, my sister-in-law is refusing to let me or my children be a part of her kids' lives. She’s even going as far as trying to make my brother stop speaking to us as well. Why? Simply because I'm an atheist. FML I agree, your life sucks 1747 You deserved it 328 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Falzou | 9 #5720197 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:14 Next time fight harder Send a private message 103 7 Reply
By raizori | 10 #5720202 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:14 Why would you cut off an afro in the first place? Send a private message 89 2 Reply
By Falzou | 9 #5720197 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:14 Next time fight harder Send a private message 103 7 Reply
Reply TheTacoMan | 24 #5720435 - Friday 18 October 2013 4:18 I guess you could say: he shaved a lot of money... YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH Send a private message 9 13 Reply
Reply scooterdude720 | 19 #5720443 - Friday 18 October 2013 4:22 NOOOOOO Send a private message 18 4 Reply
By raizori | 10 #5720202 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:14 Why would you cut off an afro in the first place? Send a private message 89 2 Reply
Reply MrSassypants | 32 #5720351 - Friday 18 October 2013 2:40 Seriously. Afros have become an endangered species, OP, and they're so beautiful and majestic. You can't do that to them! YOU JUST CAN NOT! Send a private message 39 2 Reply
Reply \ | 28 #5720360 - Friday 18 October 2013 2:47 "You mess with the fro, you gotta go." -Undercover Brother 44 0 Reply
Reply purrypie | 9 #5721368 - Friday 18 October 2013 21:46 Can I just hug you right now. You sir, just made my night. Send a private message 5 1 Reply
By Tonka2203 | 7 #5720204 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:14 did you know your friend couldn't cut your hair properly? I could never trust someone like that... but that's just me Send a private message 28 1 Reply
Reply Ch_rae5 | 19 #5720468 - Friday 18 October 2013 4:30 i let my friend cut my hair once, she was a certified hair hairdresser but failed to mention that she had been only working there one day......my hair turned out to look like my old barbie's hair after i was done playibg "hairdresser". Send a private message 14 0 Reply
By Pleonasm | 34 #5720209 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:15 At least you can act gangster and say you lost it in a turf war. Send a private message 55 2 Reply
Reply sammyjanette | 17 #5720227 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:18 Act gangster? Turf war? What does an afro or lack thereof have to do with either of those things? Send a private message 1 30 Reply
Reply Pleonasm | 34 #5720248 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:26 "Turf" as in lawn, "acting gangster" as in bragging rights and a loose association between gangsters and afros. Send a private message 27 2 Reply
Reply EvilLittleMan | 23 #5720312 - Friday 18 October 2013 2:06 Would that be an afro turf war ? Send a private message 4 9 Reply
Reply \ | 28 #5720643 - Friday 18 October 2013 7:46 Hmm, never seen people with afros to be particularly bellicose/territorial. 4 0 Reply
By JMichael | 25 #5720210 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:15 Always get it done professionally Send a private message 14 9 Reply
By Everyday_Galaxy | 14 #5720213 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:16 It's better than getting in a fight with a wood chipper. Send a private message 26 0 Reply
Reply AutumnMasquerade | 12 #5720393 - Friday 18 October 2013 3:24 No one ever wins when there's a Wood chipper involved. Send a private message 4 0 Reply
Reply TheTacoMan | 24 #5720430 - Friday 18 October 2013 4:15 My great grandpappi survived a wood chipper once, then the sand blaster got him •-• Send a private message 12 1 Reply
By sammyjanette | 17 #5720214 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:16 Fros are awesome! Maybe that was the fro's way of telling you that you should never cut it. Send a private message 16 0 Reply
By mattrd_fml | 31 #5720216 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:16 Just be badass and tell people you won the fight with the mower. they can be dangerous! Send a private message 9 0 Reply
Reply gracehi | 31 #5720273 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:39 "Yeah, you should see the lawn mower." Send a private message 10 0 Reply
Reply kxxjoejoexxk | 8 #5720373 - Friday 18 October 2013 3:02 "He had blades this big" Send a private message 5 0 Reply
Reply rememberkids | 14 #5720606 - Friday 18 October 2013 7:10 Shaved my head once. I got called "Bobby" for a solid month. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By NotsowiseSAGe | 12 #5720220 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:17 I've learned to not let friends cut my hair, the hard way. Send a private message 9 0 Reply
By infected150 | 27 #5720229 - Friday 18 October 2013 1:18 Yet another reason to never trust friends with anything that has to do with your appearance. Send a private message 6 0 Reply
Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He... I agree, your life sucks 168 You deserved it 37 2 Comments
Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that... I agree, your life sucks 754 You deserved it 31 4 Comments