Today, my smartphone addiction reached a new level of pathetic...

By Anonymous - United States - Tustin

Today, my smartphone addiction reached a new level of pathetic when I checked my weather app to see if it was cloudy outside. There was a window right behind me. FML

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Miscellaneous

And today, on Dr Phil…

In the zone

All over the place

By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

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By wellthatsawkward - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my family. The night consisted of my sisters hiding in a tent and chasing us around in it, my parents singing songs from 'The Lion King' opera-style and throwing cheese at him. Pretty sure he's freaked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2020 08:00

It never rains…

Today, I was at work when I got a call to say my grandad died. When I was walking out to my car, I realised someone had stolen all my hubcaps. FML

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By Erica - Australia - Sydney

Today, not only did I find out that my 13 year old daughter is pregnant, I found out that she did it on purpose ‘to prove that she’s responsible’. FML

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By ouchiee - United States

Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 09:04 - Rwanda - Kigali

Freshman blues

Today, I found out there’s a university email platform I never knew about. I’m a freshman and I’ve been using my personal email to communicate with the lecturers. Now I’ve got a pile of assignments to do and most of them are overdue. FML

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By ijustwannaplaymymusic - United States - Jackson

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

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By aaaaaaaaasssssssssssssss - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was washing my face like I normally do. My mom walked by as I was wiping my face and said "That's the washcloth I use to wipe my ass!" My dad and brothers are now only addressing me as "Assface." FML

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By Sleepy - United States

Today, I fell asleep while lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to my sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw my boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get my attention for five minutes. FML

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By - 26/12/2019 01:00

The girl?

Today, my mate was bragging about the nudes he was getting from this random girl, he proceeded to show me... It was my cousin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

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By bitchypast - United States - Rockland

Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML

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By karmas a kunt - United States

Today, I was at work, when an elderly lady casually mentioned it was her birthday. I motioned two of my coworkers over, and we sang a little happy birthday to her over the phone. Our boss stormed in mid-song and suspended all three of us on the spot for "unprofessional behavior." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2020 02:07

Father material

Today, according to my husband, if I die first he won’t be looking after my son from a previous marriage. Either my sister will have to take him or he’ll go into foster care. He doesn’t want kids of his own, so he’ll be dammed if he has to look after someone else’s just because I’m dead. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

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By ihatebadkids - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was uninvited from every family event henceforth, because I finally had it and told my sister that I can’t stand to be around her horribly misbehaved kids. They have screaming meltdown tantrums, throw and break things, start fights and steal. How am I the bad guy? FML

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By Mew - United States

Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in the middle of my boyfriend finally giving me an orgasm, I had an anxiety attack, which caused him to have an attack of his own. I guess there is such a thing as having too much in common with your partner. FML

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By busmanhoe - Norway

Today, I was sitting on the bus to the gym. I saw that an old woman needed help to get off the bus, so I got up, and helped her off. When I had finally got her down the stairs the bus closed the doors and drove away. I was in the middle of nowhere and the bus drove away with all my things. FML

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By lbailey32 - United States - Seneca Falls

Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML

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By shakira, when the walls fell - Canada

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I cried my eyes out for hours over the guy who dumped me 9 years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2020 08:09

So wrong

Today, my boyfriend came over to meet my family. When I told him I had an autistic brother before he came in, he immediately broke up with me because he claimed autism is another word for overprotective. I've been dating an idiot. FML

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By Emmpag - 2/2/2020 01:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

And then.....

Today, I bought my very first car that I spent years saving for. A few hours after I signed all the papers, I let my boyfriend go for a test drive. He totaled it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Amsterdam

Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML

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By ShouldBeSingleSoon - United States - Lincoln

Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Daphne

Today, I went to Waffle House to talk to the manager about getting a job. My boyfriend now wants to beat up the manager for giving me his number so that I can call him whenever I'm done filling in the application. FML

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By terrifiedanon - United States - Denver

Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML

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By AkaiKitsune - Canada - Victoria

Today, while riding around the lake, a pair of kids thought it was okay to take turns yanking my horse's tail and running away so they didn't get kicked. When I told the parents not to let their kids do that, they said that I shouldn't be riding if I can't "control my beast". FML

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By gloomy

Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating right after I maxed out my credit card buying him everything on his Christmas list. FML

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By saywhat - United States

Today, I met the girl who dumped me because the distance between us was too great. We're in the same city again. She's now dating a Marine in Iraq. FML

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By Nickolas Neffster - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

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By Goblin Girl - United States - Katy

Today, a coworker informed me that she thinks I may be descended from a race of goblins, because of my squat stature, ugly face and hairy arms. She was being completely serious. FML

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By whasian - United States

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent me a birthday present. It was a necklace for me to wear at my wedding. The pendant is a well known lesbian symbol. I'm a woman and I'm marrying her son. FML

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By Nightmares - United States

FML Uncensored

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML

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Today, I got trapped in the airport lift for half an hour with my family while heading to departure. We ended up missing our flight. 3000 Malaysian bucks were spent on that flight. No one wants to compensate our loss. FML

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By Anonymous - Italy - Pistoia

Today, I found out that the generous gift from my boyfriend of a new iPhone was only given so he could use the "find my phone" function to make sure I'm always where I say I am each day. I'm being stalked by my own boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Queen Creek

Today, I discovered that my 12-year-old son has secretly been printing out and selling copies of the suggestive photos from my camera that I'd taken for my husband. He's been selling them to kids at school for a dollar each. FML

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Top comments

By ElricMustang | 23

#5681130 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:29

Yeah, I think you need a break from your phone for a bit. They're cool and all, but come on :/

By BeautyBaby099 | 18

#5681131 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:29

I think you need a boyfriend

COMMENTS

By ElricMustang | 23

#5681130 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:29

Yeah, I think you need a break from your phone for a bit. They're cool and all, but come on :/

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#5681203 - Friday 20 September 2013 3:07

A..a...a break?! But someone might post something awe-inspiring on Twitter during that time!!

theonecasey | 27

#5681222 - Friday 20 September 2013 3:23

But I hear a story like this and it makes me giggle

Arrow44 | 10

#5681428 - Friday 20 September 2013 7:19

Hey, when your checking the 20+ featured on ifunny, there is no "put phone down and have social life"

badluckalex | 23

#5946860 - Friday 16 May 2014 10:58

I agree, but sometimes its super cloudy and 40 degrees in the morning when I got school, then later its like 75 degrees. so I check my phone for that

By BeautyBaby099 | 18

#5681131 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:29

I think you need a boyfriend

wingedangel123 | 8

#5681153 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:35

Or a girlfriend.

broderickc | 13

#5681176 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:43

Or a cat

wingedangel123 | 8

#5681239 - Friday 20 September 2013 3:37

Cats are awesome. They treat you like you're their bitch and yet they're still so incredibly lovable.

usarmywife | 19

#5681268 - Friday 20 September 2013 4:05

Op seems to be into electronics, perhaps a vibrator?

shanannygians07 | 28

#5681416 - Friday 20 September 2013 7:13

Or a dog so she'd have a reason to go outside

By Cheeley | 17

#5681138 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:31

How many times did you check Facebook before you resorted to this?

By plantedrabbit3 | 16

#5681139 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:31

Well, If you just got ios7 then that is completely acceptable

PuggieKid | 22

#5681233 - Friday 20 September 2013 3:33

No.

By wingedangel123 | 8

#5681143 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:33

By aliyourpally | 12

#5681145 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:33

I think you need to get outside more.

By INDYSTRUCTABLE | 43

#5681149 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:34

you've reached a new level of "lazy"

By Bano360 | 25

#5681150 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:34

Go to app rehab.

iAlissa | 34

#5681387 - Friday 20 September 2013 6:45

Rehapp?

Spider_Web | 11

#5681599 - Friday 20 September 2013 12:01

Is there an app for that?

By wingedangel123 | 8

#5681162 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:37

Admitting this is the first step :) I mean, hey some addicts are too glued to their smartphones to even notice that they have an addiction.

By broderickc | 13

#5681164 - Friday 20 September 2013 2:38

It's time for rehab.