Intimacy: Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy...

By rileycrash - 20/05/2011 02:08 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy sext message. His reply? "Three bidders for my drums on eBay! Makiiin' Monaaaay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 752

You deserved it 6 903

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By yup - 05/06/2011 07:23 - United States

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 197

You deserved it 57 227

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 342

Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I sent my fuckbuddy a sexy message about what I wanted to do in bed with him next time we meet. He responded with, "oki doki". FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 425

By Username - 15/06/2011 01:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 376

You deserved it 15 726

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 338

You deserved it 17 891

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 931

You deserved it 40 629

It's the thought that counts

By come on man - 29/11/2014 17:03 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 481

You deserved it 7 435

Bad timing

By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - 02/06/2013 20:48 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 644

You deserved it 6 625

By Rejection - 04/05/2010 07:33 - France

Today, I sent my boyfriend a naughty pic. I then asked him if there was anything else he wanted before I got dressed. His reply? "No it's fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 006

You deserved it 15 640

By fed up/turned off - 02/10/2013 05:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 526

You deserved it 6 785

hellohottie69 0

Friday 20 May 2011 8:51

maybe he didn't see your message

LolaD18 1

Friday 20 May 2011 8:52

Maybe drum, eBay and monaaaayyyy are all synonyms for something else? :D

Comments

egamage 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:00

maybe your message wasn't as well thought out as you thought

KagamineLen_fml 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:01

lol I voted no on this one XD

NYC_Yoshi 3

Friday 20 May 2011 10:25

what is your pic from?

imcutefml 0

Friday 20 May 2011 15:34

looks like naruto...

qasimahsan93 4

Friday 20 May 2011 9:02

In his defense, he was makiiin' monaaaay.

txgirl2013 14

Friday 20 May 2011 9:04

he more interested in making money than your money maker...

Qluz 3

Friday 20 May 2011 10:32

okay wow that is the most adorable little thing ive ever seen!

jakehelt13 0

Friday 20 May 2011 13:51

I agree... it looks like a dog at first... but then again, look at those whiskers!

starile 19

Friday 20 May 2011 17:53

Is it a coyote?

markymark1429 8

Saturday 21 May 2011 0:33

I thought it might have been a baby fox

txgirl2013 14

Saturday 21 May 2011 1:48

it's a fennec fox

mrbattleman 10

Friday 20 May 2011 9:05

I for one would love to have that as a reply to a sexy text

marmots 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:06

He's probably just pre-occupied. Don't worry, you can be sexy and steamy with him in real life :)

TheMonica 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:08

Apparently, monaaaay > sex in your boyfriends mind. Whether this is a good or bad thing has yet to be seen...

mightymart 5

Friday 20 May 2011 9:10

stop playing with his stick for a while and he'll forget about his drum pretty damn quick

mrahhhhh 21

Friday 20 May 2011 9:19

Money Money Money.... MONEY!

Michigan_Girl 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:21

Men and their toys LOL

lucas755 1

Friday 20 May 2011 12:48

Monaaayy is a toy?

xtacticalswarmx 0

Friday 20 May 2011 13:29

Yes, you can stack it, fold it into origami, and make paper airplanes!

instnt1nfction 17

Friday 20 May 2011 13:36

WEEEEEEEEEEEE I like money

LuxAeterna_fml 0

Friday 20 May 2011 16:54

Drum is the toy.

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Fight Family Kids Love Relatable Students Work Noise Animals Birds Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Relationship advice Cheating Pregnancy Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Revenge Food Cats

The Top

Today, a person I've never met called me a whore and spat on me. Why? Because I was babysitting for my neighbors and answered the door for two well dressed women passing out religious pamphlets. I politely declined to take any. Apparently being a 15 year-old girl caring for a toddler makes me a sex worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 60

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 136

You deserved it 72 916

The Top

Today, I was at a restaurant. I turned around looking for the restroom. I almost walked into the men’s room, then corrected myself and stumbled in the hallway looking for the ladies’. The employees thought I was drunk and kicked me out. I hadn’t had a single drink. I’m just clumsy as shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 243

Today, I confronted my mother because I lock my bedroom door everytime I leave the house, then when I came home, the door was open and ajar. She got really defensive and said it's because she and her boyfriend want to make passionate whoopie on my king-size bed because it's bigger than her full-size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 133

Today, I finally got to surprise my boyfriend with a birthday cake. I spent four days planning the perfect one. First thing he says? "Erm, you know I'm 32, right?" I got his age wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 924

You deserved it 36 635

Today, I called my dad to let him know some details for my wedding had changed. It would have been really nice if he had paused the porno I could clearly hear in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 417

You deserved it 4 401

Today, I learned that standing next to a hobo doesn't make me look better in comparison, but instead just makes me seem like a hobo as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 074

You deserved it 31 034

Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 063

You deserved it 6 271