Intimacy: Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy... - FML

By rileycrash - 20/05/2011 02:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy sext message. His reply? "Three bidders for my drums on eBay! Makiiin' Monaaaay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 752

You deserved it 6 903

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By yup - 05/06/2011 07:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 197

You deserved it 57 227

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Spicy

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 342

Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 15:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sent my fuckbuddy a sexy message about what I wanted to do in bed with him next time we meet. He responded with, "oki doki". FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 426

By Username - 15/06/2011 01:17 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 376

You deserved it 15 726

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 338

You deserved it 17 891

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 931

You deserved it 40 629

It's the thought that counts

By come on man - 29/11/2014 17:03 - United States - Sunnyvale

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 481

You deserved it 7 435

Bad timing

By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - 02/06/2013 20:48 - Sweden - Uppsala

Spicy

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 644

You deserved it 6 625

By Rejection - 04/05/2010 07:33 - France

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a naughty pic. I then asked him if there was anything else he wanted before I got dressed. His reply? "No it's fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 006

You deserved it 15 640

By fed up/turned off - 02/10/2013 05:47 - United States - Fresno

Spicy

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 526

You deserved it 6 785

Next

Top comments

hellohottie69 0

Friday 20 May 2011 8:51

maybe he didn't see your message

LolaD18 1

Friday 20 May 2011 8:52

Maybe drum, eBay and monaaaayyyy are all synonyms for something else? :D

Comments

st3lios89 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:30

hahaha.... i dont know ur bf but he sounds to me that he's a Lad with a capital L!

Blueglasscup 18

Friday 20 May 2011 9:35

He's got his priorities straight!

barlessprison 16

Friday 20 May 2011 9:39

I'm way too entertained saying "makiiin' monaaaay" aloud to myself. It could have just been poor timing you know. You sent that sext just as he sent his text about monaaaay.

Livinia 11

Friday 20 May 2011 9:43

Reread his message and think dirty. Problem solved.

johnnyexpl0sion 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:49

FBGM

abbasiathar 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:49

df

abbasiathar 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:59

this is 2nd/..

abbasiathar 0

Friday 20 May 2011 10:01

hi df what do u mean?

abbasiathar 0

Friday 20 May 2011 11:22

hi this is it

abbasiathar 0

Friday 20 May 2011 11:25

not sure

PeteyPablo12308 20

Friday 20 May 2011 10:08

Oh my... Now THAT is sexy.

helloello 2

Friday 20 May 2011 11:07

you'll never lose pussy chasing money. you can lose money chasing pussy though. don't member the exact quote or what movie it's from.

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The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 260

You deserved it 14 933

Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 280

You deserved it 49 809

The Top

Today, my best friends became friends with my ex-girlfriend, saying she was really nice. I found this to be an awful lot of BS because my ex didn't even like me, and liked someone else while dating me. That was an arsehole move. My friends all became friendly with her, disregarding my presence, and saying she's "so nice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 176

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 715

You deserved it 7 329

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 424

You deserved it 4 841

Today, my long distance boyfriend left me for a local girl. My last relationship was also long distance and we were even engaged until he slept with someone in his hometown because his “horniness” was “becoming too much.” I think I get the hint now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 454

Today, my mother decided to cook dinner for us and used rice that she had in her cupboard. While helping out, I stirred the dish and noticed black flecks. Turns out they were rice weevils. She tried to convince me it was "burnt garlic" and served it to the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 145

Today, I was walking by a neighbour when he said, "Is your dad home?" I swiftly replied, "I'm good thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 362