Love: Today, I finally got to surprise my boyfriend with a birthday... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 62

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 31

29/10/2013 10:40

Today, I finally got to surprise my boyfriend with a birthday cake. I spent four days planning the perfect one. First thing he says? "Erm, you know I'm 32, right?" I got his age wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 891

You deserved it 36 553

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Kids are hard work

Check yourself

Slipped up

By hate my job - 24/09/2021 20:00

Today, I sent my resumé to a former coworker to get some pointers, except that I sent it to his old work email account and now my boss knows I’m looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 854

Crockery story

By WasteOfOxygen08 - 23/06/2019 04:34

Today, I woke up and headed downstairs ready to do the dishes, when my mom hissed at me to, “go do the dishes!” As I was washing them, my mom stood over me the whole time. She eventually said, “You know, it’s pretty fucking sad that I still have to tell you to do these things.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 406

03/11/2009 07:06

Today, I volunteered to be Auctioned off for Charity. I went for $3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 378

You deserved it 7 230

16/11/2018 12:00

Today, despite the carriage being entirely empty, a large man chose to sit right beside me on the train. After making me uncomfortable with personal questions, he asked if we could be friends and hang out, both of which I shyly declined. He then accused me of being a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 016

You deserved it 192

23/07/2015 03:18

Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 167

You deserved it 2 702

Feeders

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 23:01

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years dumped me, after he intentionally made me fat so that I wouldn't leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 869

21/04/2019 04:00

Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 669

Lowkey

By Anonymous - 16/07/2009 19:04

Spicy

Today, I took my daughter to the lake. She told me she had to go to the bathroom and I whispered to her, "Just pee in the lake, it's fine, but go in a little deeper." She went in the lake and then turned to me to yell, "MOM, IS THIS DEEP ENOUGH FOR ME TO PEE?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 265

You deserved it 62 196

11/02/2010 17:09

Today, I read my mom's Facebook status. It said, "So sick of kids, can't wait for Vegas this week!" My dad, along with 12 others, liked it. I didn't even know she was going to Vegas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 900

You deserved it 4 784

20/03/2013 02:08

Today, my girlfriend left me because our "political views don't match" when I told her we needed to share house chores now that we live together. I know, I'm lost too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 440

You deserved it 2 919

Smoking kills

By Anonymous - 23/06/2021 12:59

Today, my grandmother - who has been a heavy smoker for almost forty years, and does not believe in the dangers of smoking - was diagnosed with COPD. Also, I'm now at a greater risk of developing COPD because of her (and my parents, who also smoke). FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 69

16/07/2012 20:57

Today, my husband and I agreed that he would name our first born and I would name our second. He's dead-set on naming our child "Raindropp" no matter whether it's a boy or girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 545

You deserved it 7 480

03/10/2012 03:33

Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 188

You deserved it 1 814

02/06/2009 08:42

Today, I called Tech Support because the computer program wouldn't let me open files for my online classes. After an hour, and being walked through the downloading process multiple times. There was a pause and he said "You're a F*ing idiot." and hung up. It still won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 425

You deserved it 22 707

19/12/2013 13:12

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 508

You deserved it 23 059

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 29/07/2020 02:01

Today, I tend to get bloated in the afternoons when I suffer from stress. Lately, I've been so stressed out that I'm seriously considering buying maternity pants, because not even my stretchiest sweat pants will fit me after 4 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 198

Breakfast time!

By shit flavored eggs - 09/03/2021 00:30

Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 383

18/12/2010 20:22

Today, I was run over by my own car as I tried to push it out of a snowbank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 383

You deserved it 4 978

26/01/2012 04:18

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 516

You deserved it 4 090

16/05/2012 04:43

Today, I discovered that my acne glows yellow and orange under black lights while in front of a wall of them at a club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 338

You deserved it 2 691

01/11/2016 04:08

Today, I found out that I was never actually enrolled in the class I've been attending all semester. I guess that explains why I only got $400 dollars in student aid, not the 1,200 they said I'd get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 650

You deserved it 1 222

Messed up

By mee - 10/10/2020 05:01

Today, I started new meds because I’ve been emotionally numb since I was 14. I never learned how to manage real feelings and I’m on a rollercoaster that involves crying over nothing, feeling jealous of my husband’s Xbox, and getting angry at inanimate objects. Is there a return policy on this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 963

You deserved it 304

05/04/2011 14:06

Today, I was at a band concert with 500 other people. The song they were performing stopped, and I loved it so much I stood up and clapped. Everyone stared, while I slowly realized the song wasn't over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 089

You deserved it 35 312

15/08/2009 06:13

Today, my 250 pound boyfriend was on top of me while we were making out. I actually passed out in the middle of it from not being able to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 047

You deserved it 22 825

08/05/2019 05:00

Today, I saved a young girl from drowning in a hotel pool with no lifeguards on duty. The girl's mother was too busy on her phone to notice what was happening, and when I called out to her, she started yelling at her daughter for going in too far. Never bothered to thank me for saving her kid either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 035

You deserved it 147

Could've been the One

By Courtney - 10/10/2021 16:57

Spicy

Today, I received a message telling me the guy I was seeing just wasn’t feeling the “vibe”. This would be fine, if he hadn’t given me the best sex, and the only sex I’ve enjoyed, in years and years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 127

26/04/2013 17:34

Today, I overheard my grandpa telling my mom he'd found a load of porn in my laptop's browser history, but that he deleted all the "filth" so she wouldn't have to see it. She believed him and I got grounded, much to his amusement. I've never looked up porn on that computer in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 379

You deserved it 3 127

17/09/2018 03:30

Today, my wife bought a bright pink dildo and left in the lounge whilst she went upstairs to get changed. We didn't expect the in-laws to arrive with my niece and nephews, who were hitting each other with the - as described by my 5-year-old nephew - "big pink sword". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 086

You deserved it 720

08/01/2017 03:23

Today, my son shaved his eyebrows. Two days ago, I caught my 10-year-old daughter watching porn. I'm totally winning at parenting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 773

You deserved it 2 204

Trust

By Anonymous - 14/07/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, I found out from some guy that he and my wife had been having an affair for over year. She confessed to everything, and said they had already broken it off. She also admitted that she would've never mentioned it to me if I'd never found out on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 71

08/01/2011 22:06

Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 020

You deserved it 2 852

09/02/2017 16:00

Today, I am sick of watching my friend's dog while she is on vacation. In four days, this dog has shredded my mattress, peed on my couches, chewed my kitchen chairs, and attacked my dog while she slept. My friend won't answer her phone, but she does update Facebook non-stop. Ten days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 064

You deserved it 690

20/05/2011 19:46

Spicy

Today, the only positive thing my ex boyfriend left me was my pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 281

You deserved it 14 302

18/06/2016 16:16

Today, my son was crying because he wanted his daddy, and he asked when he can see him. I had no idea what to say, given his dad left us in the middle of the night last year, now lives in another country, and told me he never wants to see us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 995

You deserved it 1 644

15/12/2014 22:24

Spicy

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 518

You deserved it 4 218

Astrology is bullshit, get better friends

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 14:00

Today, my friend reminded me that I have been on a ton of dates lately, but couldn't get a girlfriend because I thought something was off with them all. He also reminded me that I have dated every zodiac sign, meaning I'm out of options. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 517

31/05/2011 22:35

Today, I was stood up by a blind date. After calling and texting her about being a horrible person, she called me from the hospital. She was in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 772

You deserved it 61 233

Thanks dad

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 06:01

Spicy

Today, my fiancé told me that my dad apologized to him that I hadn’t inherited my mother’s chest size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 97

03/12/2011 10:03

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 965

You deserved it 9 584

11/01/2011 09:43

Today, as I'm pregnant, my mom came over to do some nice things for me, such as clean my kitchen and cook a large pot of my favorite soup. When she left, I took a nap, planning to eat later. I woke up to find my roommates had trashed my kitchen and eaten all my soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 461

You deserved it 4 423

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Top comments

klc20071989_fml 20

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:13

you think that's one of the first things you want to know about someone

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:14

It's all good OP, at least you remembered his Birthday.

Comments

klc20071989_fml 20

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:13

you think that's one of the first things you want to know about someone

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:38

Still a nice gesture at least

NoMore_CoolNames 14

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:39

I forget my age sometimes.

Gothicbunnyx3 16

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:51

It's the thought that counts

poniesatedinos 1

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 17:04

it is the thought that counts

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 18:25

What I want to know is... Who spends 4 DAYS planning a birthday cake? Maybe a party but just the cake?

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 18:52

#62, Well, if she were planning to make the cake herself or was deciding on how she wanted the bakery to make it. Yeah..it is possible for the cake to take a bit of time. I always plan what I'm going to do a few months ahead so that when it's time to do what ever. I'm not rushing and doing a sloppy job of it.

JocelynKaulitz 28

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 18:53

I would take it as a compliment if they shaved off a couple years. If they added them however…

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 21:36

maybe she was trying to make him feel better about his age and take a few off... but it didn't work as she planned and she just played it off..?

UrYousername 15

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:13

Always double check with someone!

CaptinFalconKnig 6

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:18

It's the thought that counts at least

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 20:50

........

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 3:33

83 - I know, it sucks when your finger hits the mute button ;)

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:14

It's all good OP, at least you remembered his Birthday.

184886837272837 32

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 18:52

She made him a really nice cake that she put a lot of effort into. Getting his age wrong was probably a bit of a damper but she still made a huge effort to make his birthday awesome for him.

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 22:22

Since in this case, the girl forgot the guys' age, he could have just laughed it off. Regardless of the actual results, this is kinda mostly an FML because of how embarrassed OP must have been to have forgotten.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 5:36

if it were a younger age than my own I would have just rolled with it.

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:14

way to fail. ydi op

misspulkadot24 17

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:28

way to fail. YDI mectain.

Ctrl_H 18

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 18:31

Way to win Ctrl H. Good on you.

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:15

I have to think about it to remember my own age. It's really just a number.

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:17

well if you put candles in it you should of said, " yeah ik but I ran out of candles" if not oh well

expertsmilee 26

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 17:40

What if they put too many instead of too few?

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 17:58

"The pack came with this many candles." "For every candle on this cake, is a decade I will love you." "One candle for ever year, and one more for every time you make me smile in a minute." "You are wise beyond your years, and I often forget that you are so young." "Screw the cake, screw me." Yeah, there are ways to fix this too.

Ctrl_H 18

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 18:33

I love the last one

fakedsincerity 32

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 20:28

"I put one extra on for luck"

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:19

Well, the surprise worked perfectly! It worked so well even you were surprised when you saw the look on his face, no? Four days of panning not wasted here.

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:19

Wow. You really should have known! But I'm sure he understands, and it was a really sweet thing you did.

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 17:48

I don't know about you, but i bet he's 32. She obviously didn't know.

NatalieOntheTram 11

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:20

As long as you weren't say, ten years off, I'm sure he'll understand. I doubt he'd get mad anyways. Not when cake is involved.

misspulkadot24 17

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 16:20

Dude, it's cake. CAKE! I don't care if people think I'm 60!! As long as I get my cake... Mmm... Cake.

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 17:00

Especially if its chocolate! I barely remember my parents ages so OP, don't worry. It's not that serious.

Ctrl_H 18

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Tuesday 29 October 2013 18:35

I don't even know my parents age. I asked them once when I was younger and my dad was 40 and Mom was 36 and I just assumed they would be immortal and stay that age.