Intimacy: Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy...

By rileycrash - 20/05/2011 02:08 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy sext message. His reply? "Three bidders for my drums on eBay! Makiiin' Monaaaay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 752

You deserved it 6 903

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By yup - 05/06/2011 07:23 - United States

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 197

You deserved it 57 227

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 342

Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I sent my fuckbuddy a sexy message about what I wanted to do in bed with him next time we meet. He responded with, "oki doki". FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 426

By Username - 15/06/2011 01:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 376

You deserved it 15 726

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 338

You deserved it 17 891

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 931

You deserved it 40 629

It's the thought that counts

By come on man - 29/11/2014 17:03 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 481

You deserved it 7 435

Bad timing

By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - 02/06/2013 20:48 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 644

You deserved it 6 625

By Rejection - 04/05/2010 07:33 - France

Today, I sent my boyfriend a naughty pic. I then asked him if there was anything else he wanted before I got dressed. His reply? "No it's fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 006

You deserved it 15 640

By fed up/turned off - 02/10/2013 05:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 526

You deserved it 6 785

hellohottie69 0

Friday 20 May 2011 8:51

maybe he didn't see your message

LolaD18 1

Friday 20 May 2011 8:52

Maybe drum, eBay and monaaaayyyy are all synonyms for something else? :D

Comments

MalaInsane_11 0

Friday 20 May 2011 14:07

hahaha!

Eckristen 1

Friday 20 May 2011 15:41

i feel your pain girlfriend, sounds like our boyfriends are twins.

LolMoqz 10

Friday 20 May 2011 15:55

or you have the same boyfriend

annihil8or 15

Friday 20 May 2011 16:24

Guys always think abt dough

mandymadness 0

Friday 20 May 2011 16:57

sounds like my life. lol

Shadow4i5 3

Friday 20 May 2011 17:53

he's jus trynna make da monies for his boo

armorf0r 7

Friday 20 May 2011 18:08

Maybe he'll use the money from the drum-set to buy himself some better common sense to send you a real response.

pike1346 3

Friday 20 May 2011 19:09

we don't need sexy text messages, we just need you to handle up on the **** aggressively. no need for BS in-between

Calyx_fml 21

Friday 20 May 2011 19:34

YDI for having a drummer boyfriend. Next time, date a cellist.

alaskasfml 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 0:54

drummers know how to bang things. what do cellists know? how to peacefully stroke things. i'd say they made the right choice.

mattandamy07 3

Friday 20 May 2011 19:45

Good grief! Sounds like my husband!

That0therguy 4

Friday 20 May 2011 20:04

That's cool. I've gotten 7 bidders on my guitar once.

armorf0r 7

Friday 20 May 2011 21:14

I had 43 on my ESP M-1 custom lol

Keywords

Annoying Gamers Video games Birthday Abuse Relatable Scams Money Social Media School Kids Education Parents Public freakouts Health Mental health Grieving Geek Music Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Transportation Bikes Cops Family Fight Work Gross Customers

The Top

Today, one of my friends confessed his love for me and said he wanted to be more than friends. Jaded by guys who only wanted one thing, I pushed him away saying, “Oh really, is that what you think you need to say to get in my pants?” He frowned and stormed off. Later, I found out he really did want a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 814

Today, my dad uttered the dreaded words, “Now don’t worry boy, I knows exactly what I is doing.” A few short minutes later he has a destroyed impact drill, my ladder is snapped, my kitchen window is broken, my wife is in hospital for stitches, and we can’t find the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 66

The Top

Today, I went to have a drink with my friend. On the way I withdrew 20 bucks and when I arrived at the bar I realised I had taken my credit card but not the banknote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 191

You deserved it 27 560

Today, I forgot my library book on a bench then I got on a bus, so I got off at the next stop and walked back to get it. I arrived just in time to see some guy pick it up and hop on another bus. So now I'm not on the bus I needed, and I have to pay for the book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 079

You deserved it 4 659

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 604

You deserved it 5 067

Help! I'm stuck!

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 90

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in over a week, because I had been having weird cramps. Afterwards, I was experiencing the worst pain I’ve felt in my entire life, so we went to the ER. Turns out my cramping was from an ovarian cyst, and having sex made it rupture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 529

You deserved it 205

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 859

You deserved it 47 638