Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and...

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML

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Kids

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Ghosted

You snooze, you lose

By Akashi - 22/7/2020 14:00

Nutfirecracker

Today, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and his legs were on my lap. We heard a loud firework from somewhere outside our window, we both jumped and I felt the pain of him kicking me in the nuts. FML

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By pleasedie - 7/5/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

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By redjesus69 - 3/2/2010 03:52 - United States

Today, after almost nine months of doing anything and everything to show my love for my girlfriend and make her happy, she told me she would give "anything" to relive the one week of her and her ex's relationship where she was the happiest in her life. FML

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By 4_and_20_blackbits - 26/8/2013 08:38 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

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By admin1771 - 25/12/2016 17:00 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I'm supposed to go to my girlfriend's house for Christmas with her family. I got a text from her saying that her dad found our used condom package from last night. I'm supposed to be there in 3 hours. FML

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By Reihna - 15/10/2012 13:10 - United States - Marion

Today, it's my birthday. I spent $100 on myself, using it to set up an account so that my son can call me from jail. FML

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By Sara1990 - 23/8/2010 11:40 - Australia

Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2016 21:11 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my family got detained by airport security thanks to one of their dogs. It didn't even bark to indicate there was something wrong, though. It only kept smelling my dad, probably because we had our dog with us in the car on the way there. FML

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By Cantunsee - 26/8/2018 06:00

Today, I found out just how close my boyfriend has been getting to our new neighbour's teenage son. I came home from work to find them on my bed and my "straight" boyfriend head down ass up. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 05:15 - Canada

Today, I was riding on my usual bus, when I noticed a man staring at me. I was having a really bad day, and said "Can you please stop staring at me?" He then replied with "I'm just trying to look out the window, and your head is in the way. Don't flatter yourself." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2012 18:55 - United States - Perris

Today, I realized the reason my 20-year-old daughter has been so moody and aggressive is because she missed the promotional My Little Pony toys at McDonald's. FML

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By coveholli - 15/11/2014 14:43 - Australia - Perth

Today, I went on a blind date. Not only did his phone go flat before I found him, but we were at totally different bars. FML

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By catbum - 10/11/2016 03:54 - Canada - Regina

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2012 05:47 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my mother-in-law said I wasn't the type she expected her son to marry, as he's always dated cheerleaders and model types. I must have looked offended, so she added, "I mean they weren't smart like you." So, I might be smart but I'm the ugliest girl my husband has ever been with. FML

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By hhhhhhhpeterwut - 19/2/2013 03:21 - United States - Bethesda

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

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By whatadisappointmnet - 5/11/2011 18:58 - United States

Today, while cuddling up on the couch with my boyfriend, I asked him if this was his happy place too. He said, "Nah, it's in pussies." FML

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By mrosewrosem - 24/10/2018 15:30

Today, I had a lovely gluten-free pizza out at a local restaurant. After I'd finished, they informed me it wasn't in fact gluten-free. I am Celiac and this means I will be ill for the next six weeks. FML

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By badmom101 - 16/5/2009 11:26 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

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By unemployed - 10/3/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2010 04:36 - United States

Today, I discovered the piggy bank I made a Facebook account for has more friends than me. It has 12. FML

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By ssondik - 22/6/2015 00:50 - United States - Hebron

Today, I was invited to a fancy-shmancy charity event, and the host - my friend - told me to wear a long, ballroom, fancy gown. Turns out my friend was just being a dick and it was a pool party. I spent $200 on my hair and makeup alone. FML

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By StijnDescamps - 13/8/2019 16:00

Today, for the very first time, I invited my girlfriend's parents for dinner. I bought a pre-made oven dish, just to be sure nothing could go wrong. Once at the table, her mother asked pointedly who forgot to remove the plastic foil before putting it in the oven. FML

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By Fatty - 17/5/2011 02:12 - Canada

Today, I was making out with this guy that I like. In an attempt to be romantic, he tried to pick me up and press me against the wall. He couldn't lift me off the ground. FML

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By Totallyscrewed - 10/2/2013 05:17 - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML

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By Hopeless - 12/7/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and he was very upset, crying that he had been betrayed. He then began to explain that his friend had slept with his ex-girlfriend. I asked why he was so upset, and he said he still loved her, and really thought they were going to be able to work things out. FML

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By whatdidido - 6/5/2019 18:05 - United States - Conover

Today, I was messaging a girl on a dating app. Things were going well so I thought I'd ask her to meet. She had listed hiking as an interest 3 times on her profile so I suggested we meet at a state park. She told me she doesn't hike on a first meet and blocked me. FML

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By Maddie - 20/6/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses me for two things. 1) My food. 2) My sister. FML

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By Kbizz - 3/6/2010 02:12 - Canada

Today, I was excited about showing everyone at work my new piercing. It's in an interesting place in my ear, and its not that common. Before I had the chance to tell anyone about it, someone asked "Are you wearing a hearing aid?" FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2010 08:47 - United States

Today, my brother's home for his annual visit, lectures my parents once about their eating habits. They promptly throw away all of their junk food. I'm there every Sunday, and have been telling them to eat healthier for medical reasons. They never listen. He's in sales, and I'm in med school. FML

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By leftbehind - 27/2/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my family was leaving for a weekend trip and was supposed to pick me up on the way down. About an hour before they are supposed to arrive my mom calls to tell me that there's no room left in the car so they won't be stopping to get me. FML

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By stupidrobot - 3/9/2015 20:14 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had to complete a simple math problem to submit a web form in order to show that I wasn't a spam robot. I got it wrong. I'm officially too bad at arithmetic to prove I'm human. FML

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By hes - 15/10/2013 10:10 - United States

Today, I called my dad to let him know some details for my wedding had changed. It would have been really nice if he had paused the porno I could clearly hear in the background. FML

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By PCop - 2/8/2010 23:21 - United States

Today, I was bored out of my mind at work. I told my coworker he was lucky to be leaving early. I forgot the reason of his early departure was to go to his grandfather's funeral. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2010 14:45 - Malaysia

Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I was waiting at an intersection. Across from me, a car was approaching and a bunny ran out. Trying to save it, I flashed my lights and beeped at the car crazily, when the bunny turned around. The lights turned, and as I drove forward the bunny came back out and I hit it. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2020 05:05

Baked

Today, I was supposed to have my first job interview for a bakery franchise. Turns out all the applications are submitted to every store, and I was called to the wrong one. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML

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By DogLover - 6/2/2013 13:59 - United States - Watertown

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

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By why do eggs explode - 12/10/2015 21:35 - Canada - Calgary

Today, while I was in the shower, my 4 year old son wondered what would happen if he put 6 eggs in the microwave. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2020 20:01

How's the diet going?

Today, I bought 3 buckets of expensive low-calorie ice cream because it was on sale, only to discover it tastes rather awful. I thought I liked that stuff… Oh, I remember now, I did like it… After mixing it with lots of chocolate spread. FML

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Top comments

By Simply_J | 0

#719384 - Monday 14 December 2009 9:31

Kodak moment?

By sammichbitch | 0

#719395 - Monday 14 December 2009 9:36

What The Fuck.

COMMENTS

By crankyadam | 0

#719382 - Monday 14 December 2009 9:30

FIRST

neonokku | 0

#719589 - Monday 14 December 2009 12:45

ew!

PeopleRSoDumb | 0

#720036 - Monday 14 December 2009 19:43

Why would you -ever- think it was cute to think of your son as a dog? YDI tard.

SweetPotatoVines | 0

#720316 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 0:25

YDI for having a son.

And A dog.

jamsackson | 0

#1114385 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:40

Congratulations on raising the next Bear Grills. Be happy, now you can save a lot of money by not cooking food. Just let him eat random road kill.

XxMidnightReader | 0

#1278747 - Saturday 21 August 2010 5:55

that's horribly disgusting OP. I really hope you cleaned his mouth out and checked to make sure he's not retarded.

spaerro | 8

#2380864 - Thursday 21 April 2011 0:21

haha gross

By Simply_J | 0

#719384 - Monday 14 December 2009 9:31

Kodak moment?

xanniefiend420 | 0

#847455 - Friday 12 February 2010 7:03

haha agreed

Theatregeek788 | 0

#1022415 - Monday 7 June 2010 7:00

lol
but that is disgustinggg poor mom....
heck...poor kid!!

stopreadingmynam | 0

#1148366 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 16:52

definetely kodak

Shaebug12 | 0

#1872229 - Tuesday 21 December 2010 6:20

luv the pic

KRYPTON1T3 | 5

#2113888 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 5:30

lol. great comment. maybe take him to the doctor. who knows what is on that rabbit.

dudeman1212 | 22

#3774099 - Friday 23 December 2011 4:11

124 - ...organs and such?

Rowdey | 10

#4409943 - Wednesday 9 May 2012 2:32

No, it's more than that. It's Facebook official.

By sammichbitch | 0

#719395 - Monday 14 December 2009 9:36

What The Fuck.

ryguy1997 | 0

#963224 - Thursday 18 March 2010 23:49

you took the words right out of my mouth

Clare420 | 0

#1021168 - Sunday 6 June 2010 4:35

that what I was thinking...is your son retarded?? what four year old doesn't know not to eat dead rabbits???

matt5217 | 4

#1076087 - Friday 9 July 2010 21:49

I'm 4 and eat dead rabbits

XxMidnightReader | 0

#1278762 - Saturday 21 August 2010 5:57

ROFL @111

Master__Chief | 0

#1319433 - Monday 30 August 2010 1:06

soo... wheres the FML? raw dead rabbits off the lawn are, as dora's backpack would say, nom nom nom nom DELICIOSO!

By waddup_fml | 0

#719397 - Monday 14 December 2009 9:37

Haha awesome!! Just let your son evolve into a human-dog!
this one is favorited!!
PS
Kodak moment comment made me laugh!

crazytoaster | 2

#719444 - Monday 14 December 2009 9:59

So what? When i was a kid i ate a dead kangaroo with my dogs and i turned into a completely well adjusted and emotionally mature adult........ kind of.