Today, I saw a man on my bike that was stolen a few years ago. I asked him if I could have my bike back just wondering what he'd say. He calmly replied, "Hell no, I stole this fair and square." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I saw a bike locked to a short bollard, making it very easy to steal. Being as nice as I am, I stayed, hoping the owner would come soon and no one else would take it. Then the guy who bullied me in highschool showed up, asked me what I was doing, laughed at me, took the bike, and left. FML
Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen, so I went to work. On my walk to work, a girl pulls up on my bike and says I needed to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. She hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass before police surrounded me and accused me of stealing my own bike. FML
Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML
Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML
Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML
Today, I saw my bike locked outside a Starbucks down the street from my house. It was stolen about 10 days ago from my communal laundry room. There was even a cop parked across the street, but I have no proof to show that bike even belonged to me. FML
Today, I saw my bike locked outside a Starbucks down the street from my house. It was stolen about 10 days ago from my communal laundry room. There was even a cop parked across the street, but I have no proof to show that bike even belonged to me. FML
Today, I was at Goodwill and I saw my bike, which was stolen from me a couple of weeks ago. It was a gift that my mom gave me for my birthday. The bike was being sold for 65 dollars. I had to buy it. FML
Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML
Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML
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Top comments
kozzard 17
If you can prove it was your bike, the police can get it returned to you.
Ambient25 24
That should have been the part where you either popped the tires or threw him off the bike and pedaled like crazy
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Comments (107)
Ginja_HaZ 15
That's when you scream like a banshee, push him off the bike and petal away.
mixinitup 12
He seemed pretty proud of the way he stole your bike, OP, to say it was actually "stolen fairly". You should ask him exactly what he did different to steal your bike that made it "fair".
vencku 13
Probably means he got it himself. Nowadays many people just have someone else steal items for them. This guy at least put in the effort himself. Yeah, I don't know. How else can you steal it fair and square?
Schiffy 18
At least he was honest.
SynysterNero 20
Knock him off of it and steal it back.
Dave_Davington 33
Kick his head in. Simple as that.
simoncat 11
I'm hoping you figured out a way to find this asshat again- so you direct the police directly to the ugly thief.
iamthunder 4
Please kindly hand over your man card, you do not deserve to hold it!
someguy314159265 15
Well, you wondered what he would say, so you asked him, and now you know. Is that not good enough?
arsenicalhumor 30
I'd push him off of the bike and calmly say, "well, I took it back fair and square" and then bike off into the horizon, laughing like a child's first day at the zoo.
still_guns 16
What I really meant was, this guy's reasoning is complete twaddle. That is was like saying something really bad is justifiable. I did not mean to post something that looked like it was supported the Holocaust. That was not the intention. It was a simple mis-handling on my part.