Miscellaneous: Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was...

By Grandson - 01/01/2012 13:51 - Australia

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 871

You deserved it 2 741

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Same thing different taste

By Michelle - 01/09/2010 08:27 - Netherlands

Today, I went to pay my grandma a visit. She called the cops because she didn't recognize me and thought I was a robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 990

You deserved it 3 468

By tkoester - 29/08/2015 04:29 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 990

You deserved it 1 566

By Anonymous - 31/05/2014 20:04 - United States - Brandon

Today, I spent several hours downtown with my violent grandma, after she was arrested for threatening a guy with a gun. His crime? "Trespassing" by ringing the doorbell and asking if she was interested in donating to charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 889

You deserved it 3 884

Who are you?

By forgotten - 02/10/2009 07:46 - United Kingdom

Today, being the nice grandchild that I am, I went to visit my grandmother. She didn't recognise who I was. I thought she was joking. She later called the police as, "Some weirdo had walked into her house." I'm that weirdo; she wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 504

You deserved it 2 826

By nyebust - 01/01/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I was already in bed. My grandmother has a better social life than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 208

You deserved it 8 134

By badgrandchild - 16/03/2009 21:01 - United States

Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 611

You deserved it 92 117

Framed

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 04:00

Today, the police turned up. It turns out the girl I slept with two nights ago was burgled. She told my great aunt, who happens to live next door to her. They then told my grandparents, who then told my mum. I'm now a suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 170

By newniece - 27/01/2010 00:09 - United States

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 972

You deserved it 2 552

By Paul - 08/08/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought the party I was having was too loud and obnoxious. It was my grandmother's 86 birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 433

You deserved it 2 927

By Anonymous - 01/08/2015 03:39 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 498

You deserved it 1 920

jemmers 13

Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Go grandma! At least she had fun.

kjcamaro3 5

Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Come on granny....roll those hooters back up!

Comments

C0N71NG3NCY 6

Saturday 16 June 2012 18:57

That's wonderful news, because it means you have grounds to put her in a retirement home while she waits to die!

zakkcarter 7

Thursday 13 September 2012 6:52

She had a fun new years party

deepunder 17

Monday 24 June 2013 7:06

Hahahahaha. Where u hoping the call was from a friend/girlfriend that wanted to "have fun"?

kenny1mil 1

Tuesday 20 May 2014 11:10

Gotta start the New Years right

worldclassrager 39

Wednesday 9 July 2014 11:27

Please say you didn't bail him out? Well clear the call and then it will be like nothing happened

yescry 12

Friday 10 April 2015 16:25

Showing her ankles ugh so typical

lrw87 22

Tuesday 19 May 2015 1:41

That is f$?@ing awesome hahahah!!!!

404wan 19

Thursday 25 October 2018 3:10

this made me smile, go grandma!

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The Top

Today, I went on a first date. It started out OK, but halfway through he began "debating" me, talking just like Ben Shapiro. I thought he was joking, or at least satirising the worst way you could talk during a date. I was wrong; he was serious. I'm still not sure what set him off, but I couldn't get a word in edgeways in after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 261

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 698

You deserved it 9 549

The Top

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to "ruin my innocence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 613

You deserved it 3 983

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year-old son started rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly, "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looked at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 278

You deserved it 3 351

Today, I was so proud of a clever analogy I'd written to a friend in a text, that I “dropped the mic” afterward. I realized what I'd done a split second before the phone hit the ground and shattered into a million pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 269

You deserved it 5 531

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 556

You deserved it 3 953

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years, with whom I have a baby, broke up with me. His reason? His best friend said he didn't like drinking with guys who were "tied down". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 914

You deserved it 6 257

Today, I've been debating all day on whether I'm going to have to sell some of my video games to afford pads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 318

Same thing different taste

Who are you?

Framed

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