Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, it's been so long since my wife has been interested in me intimately, I became aroused when a woman touched my arm while talking to me. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend slowly and deliberately eating chicken wings while sitting in front of the cage while making eye contact with my beloved bird. When she saw me staring at her in horror, she let out the creepiest, most maniacal laugh I’ve ever heard. What the actual fuck?! FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML
Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games, until I realized she was actually into this. FML
Today, I got home horny as all ready to jump my husband, until I saw him asleep in his armchair with his gut hanging out his belt, his dinner down his vest, no pants on, and scratching his balls in his sleep. I’m no longer horny. FML
Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML
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Top comments
iheartbewbies 0
Drink a redbull. I heard it gives you wings. Then maybe she'll suck the meat out of you. Sigh... I tried.
perdix 31
Slightly turned on? I'm exceptionally turned on by the image of your wife sucking meat off bones. Of course, she was doing something similar to me last night, so the symbolism is more obvious to me. Sorry, bro.
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Comments (146)
NoNotTheFace 8
Give her a corndog.
poostool 5
I'd say give her a batch of curdled semen to chew on.
MrLookAtThere 10
HMMMmmmm.. Chicken.. I'm jealous of your wife, who wouldn't like to suck on some warm moist spicy chicken.
streetclosed 0
Chicken is not code for penis
yamatelle 19
*Takes the chicken wing and throws it on the ground* "What, does it have more meat and gives you more of that deep, hot sauce than I do? Huh?"
CryMoreFMLs 15
No, it has buffalo sauce. God knows buffalo sauce is the saviour of chicken.
yamatelle 19
I couldn't argue with you on that. I love buffalo sauce especially the ones at Buffalo Wild Wings! Just thinking about it brings my mouth to ******.
miserypoison 13
Don't envy a chicken. Or say to her "my **** is tastier than the One you were sucking off"
ohSNAPyall 27
How alluring.
jobsman99 0
Put some of her favorite sauce on your **** and have her suck it off. Tell there is even tastier special sauce for her if she does a good job.
a_nutritionist 10
@18 then expect her to apply that "tastier" sauce to your next meal. because you know, it is apparently better...
goobergirlie 5
I believe you meant fried poultry soaked in sauce. I don't think "fried sauce soaked in poultry" is technically possible.
shuzzey 1
If u read it properly he actually said "fried sauce soaked poultry"
FUUUandyourmom 16
Yeah, and that basically means poultry soaked in fried sauce. No 'in' in there.
goobergirlie 5
My bad. :P misread that.
zowieandzander77 1
Goobergirlie you're not alone I had to read it a few times too... Op is missing some commas.
Lizzy500 16
Just needs a little punctuation. Fried sauce-soaked poultry.
msphatb00ty 0
Fried, sauce-soaked polultry.
DeafChef 0
"fried, sauce soaked poultry" respect the comma.
chickenpie90 16
Haha lol
missyj0 12
Lmao rofl. Isn't that a great comment?
Cinn_fml 23
Well take a step (or, you know, more than one) to sorting out the bigger issue.
patrickalamo 48
19 has it right. Dude you need to get out more often.
smurfsarwales 9
you mean get off more often?
klightnin21 4
Sounds like someone needs to grow some balls and get in the sack.... Or beat it a few times a days