Love: Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a...

By isoheartcaitlin - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

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38297

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Love

Dangling modifier

Our house, in the middle of our street

Co-parenting

By Vercsi - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

One of those people

Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML

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33232

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By twohoursclosertodeath - United States - Austin

Today, I had to suffer through a two-hour long trivia game with my boyfriend's family. As if that wasn't annoying enough, my boyfriend caused the pair of us to lose by just a single point, because he answered "Quebec" to the question of "What is the capital city of France?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33222

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7145

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By virgin

Early program

Today, I was so excited because tomorrow I'm going to be losing my virginity. I just used the bathroom and I got my period. FML

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333

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By lydiacoolness - New Zealand

Today, I got my annual blood test. The nurse was inexperienced and it took her several tries to insert the needle properly. When I get back home, my fiancé starts yelling at me and storms out. The reason? I am a recovering drug addict and my arm appeared as if I had been shooting up. FML

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53440

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6465

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By Anonymous

Grab the balls by the horn, dude

Today, the only girl I've ever had eyes for said she can't find any good single men, all while sitting next to me. FML

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1409

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477

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By Xandar

Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML

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3326

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494

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By bunnyluver4545 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16505

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36517

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By loveurlifejk - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31519

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2108

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By JillianJuneBug

Today, the bad haircut I received recently no longer makes me look like Dora the Explorer. Instead, I now look comparable to He-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2844

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340

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I met up with a girl I've been talking to on the internet for a year and a half. Turns out she edits her moustache out of all her photos. FML

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18265

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By ferret702 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

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19076

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By jakewr - United States

Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once in a vending machine than I did when I got married. FML

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33269

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19800

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By Idigrespectfulattire - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, my brother wore a T-shirt to my birthday party that said "I dig skinny chicks". I'm a recovering anorexic and told him that I didn't really like his shirt. His response? "Don't let the liberal media brainwash you into thinking it's OK to be fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36303

You deserved it

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By Beanzbeanz - Canada

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

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50936

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10477

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By Anonymous - United States

Foot-in-mouth syndrome

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34106

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5613

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By no - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my truck for the first time. While trying to unlock it, it started to rain. After half an hour, I successfully unlocked the door and then drove over my book bag, which I had placed underneath the car to keep it out of the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38323

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By Anonymous - Australia

Unhappy birthday

Today, my cleaner wished me a happy birthday. My family and friends forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1977

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183

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By ditched - United States - Ashland

Today, I found out my co-workers don't actually like me when they changed the hangout spot after accidentally inviting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39954

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3818

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By Luna - United States - Carmel

Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33589

You deserved it

3512

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By wet and sad

Completely soaking

Today, I was walking to work when it was starting to pour down sideways. I was pretty early anyway, so, I decided to duck into a bus shelter and let it pass. Suddenly, a big truck comes and drenched me with the biggest puddle. Soaking from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1873

You deserved it

141

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By eebie jeebies - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

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12417

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3131

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By unbelievable - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

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29821

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6643

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does anything nice for me. Confused, she replied, "That's odd, he's always doing nice things for me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41101

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4363

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By ItalianBabyDoll

Alexa, play "That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings

Today, during my boyfriends birthday dinner, his father shouted, “Jessica, can you slice me a piece too?” My name isn’t Jessica and I’ve been in their family for over two years. FML

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1588

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147

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By okaythen - United States - Arcata

Today, I got written up by HR after my new coworker told them I had an ignorant, offensive caricature of Native American people decorating my desk. It was a framed photograph of an actual Native American tribe that belonged to my history buff grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22228

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1525

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By effiestonem154 - United States

Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML

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40233

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2843

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By dork - United States

Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his family. We were talking about relationships, and I commented on how online dating was the dumbest thing ever. His mom and step-dad went on to tell me how they had met through an online dating service. FML

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14828

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By ciararow - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally let me take his dog on a walk, after two years of not trusting me to keep her safe. During the walk, a car drove by, causing her to run after it and pulling the leash out of my hand. Five hours later, and I still can't find her. FML

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33078

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By fishwizard

Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML

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2703

You deserved it

3849

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while cuddling, my boyfriend excused himself to get a napkin. When he came back, he nervously admitted he'd got a booger in my hair. He then couldn't get it completely out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28535

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2736

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By k.k. - United States - Seymour

Today, I left 20 minutes early for school to get a good seat in class. I sat in traffic for 20 minutes before I even got on the thruway and for another 25 minutes once I got off the exit for school. Then I couldn't find parking at my university. I missed class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6833

You deserved it

785

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By Slaanesh - France

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

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8018

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38839

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By Humaned - Cura?ao - Willemstad

Today, my school is making us take care of eggs for a teen pregnancy awareness project. Ever since we got the eggs, I've had nightmares, and people question why I don't want kids. FML

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17025

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By AtLeastTheyreClean - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after hours of protesting and tantrums, I finally got my kids to clean their rooms. They're all really proud of themselves and enjoying all the extra space. I'm stuck with the three extra loads of laundry they found in there. FML

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5902

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2082

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By Anonymous

Today, I asked my friend to hand in my homework for me since I have tonsillitis. She thought it would be funny to draw a big heart on it with my teacher's name inside, which she then handed in. FML

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5099

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584

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By Embarassed - Canada

Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

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42449

You deserved it

8071

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By Deep Sigh

Deep Sigh? More like Deep Throat

Today, I wanted to get my mind off my ex, so like any other guy I decided to watch some porn and jack it. I see one video with a familiar looking room so I click on it. Guess who I saw getting it from some dude? So much for forgetting about my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5293

You deserved it

552

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By WeightonmyShoulders - United States - Canandaigua

Today, I realized that I know, all too well, what it feels like to have my over-middle-age boss's boob on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19620

You deserved it

1739

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, after failing my Ls twice in the previous weeks, I finally passed. As I got home, I went for a drive with my dad. I smashed my mums car into an old ladys fence and ended up in her backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8566

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37753

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 14:00

Food porn

Today, I made my boyfriend a vanilla cake for our anniversary. We sat down to eat it and one bite in, my boyfriend gets a weird look on his face. I take a bite and notice that it tastes like corn. I found out later my dad had replaced all the flour with cornmeal without telling anyone. FML

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1436

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Top comments

By lolzRaptor | 1

#513645 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:20

Totally fuck your life, out of everything on this website of misfortunes, unpleasant events and encounters, your life is the most fucked up. You must be extremely miserable, I feel deeply sorry that you had sexual intercourse various times, and then ended up having a smell of chicken linger around you.

/sarcasm

By onlysoph | 0

#513619 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:11

I am officially over these kinds of FML's. Move on people

COMMENTS

By Exhumed91 | 0

#513600 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:02

first and i'm ripped!!

genius_man16 | 0

#514119 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 16:07

*frantically presses the 'SO WHAT?' button*

Ox_Baker | 0

#514401 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 18:26

This is such a stupid FML.

The_Chuck_Norris | 0

#515038 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 23:24

maybe he wants a CHICKEN SANDWICH? go fetch him one

zachbredberg | 0

#515439 - Wednesday 26 August 2009 2:34

omnomnomnom, sammiches! :D

fezzaza | 0

#967629 - Thursday 25 March 2010 2:46

omnomomomomom indeedd:D

enave | 0

#989047 - Friday 7 May 2010 16:01

in soviet Russia chicken smells you

xBloodTears | 0

#1002222 - Saturday 22 May 2010 13:38

YDI for not being in the kitchen where you belong.

Monkeybutt1 | 0

#2175835 - Sunday 13 March 2011 2:58

Wow thats really an asshole thing to say

TJ10 | 0

#2238130 - Friday 25 March 2011 5:30

lmfao at the soviet Russia comment

falon142012 | 22

#4220827 - Tuesday 27 March 2012 6:08

in Soviet Russia, ass laughs YOU off!

kellandj2019 | 7

#4421752 - Friday 11 May 2012 23:27

you're the worst person ever. that's so sexist and such a stereotype

By hannahMlover_not | 0

#513601 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:02

so he said u smelled like chicken.....?

canucksrule88 | 0

#514681 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 20:44

no.......nobody said the girl smelled like chicken
he just smelled chicken...maybe the neighbors had a bbq :)

Lone_Wolf_099 | 5

#987946 - Monday 3 May 2010 11:19

unless its fish

By stizzuh | 0

#513608 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:04

stupid...

Underwhelmed | 0

#514062 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 15:39

Yeah, there really needs to be a third option other than FYL and YDI. The third option needs to be "stfu and stop wallowing in self pity."

foreverhis | 4

#977890 - Sunday 11 April 2010 17:21

agreed.

By laughingperson5 | 0

#513610 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:05

WTF.

Nosrebor | 8

#3110434 - Monday 15 August 2011 4:54

LEROY!! JENKINS!!
sorry... That's what it made me think of... :P

By scarlett29 | 0

#513614 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:08

That's odd.

azreal_13 | 0

#814842 - Monday 1 February 2010 6:34

lolz romantic scean fail

Daft_Punk709 | 0

#1216615 - Tuesday 10 August 2010 9:38

scene*

By onlysoph | 0

#513619 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:11

I am officially over these kinds of FML's. Move on people

damnablefate | 0

#513653 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:26

Agreed.

By simplyn2deep | 2

#513630 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:14

either you need to stop bathing in chicken broth, or that was his way of telling you that he's hungry.

I'm jus' sayin'

Tori_xoxo | 0

#516010 - Wednesday 26 August 2009 8:47

Lawl. XD

By idratherbewrestl | 0

#513637 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:17

what happened to old school fml? back when they were funny and less emo and whiny

By hk_fml | 9

#513640 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:18

Ew. Smelling like chicken is not attractive. I really hope it wasnt you he was talking about.

Maybe he was hungry?

By hi_derrrr | 0

#513642 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:18

he was obviously joking around... FYL, cause it must suck not to have a sense of humor. :|.