Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a...

By isoheartcaitlin - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

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38286

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Love

Family values

Bad news

NRA fanboy

By KoNi - France

Today, my 14-year-old little sister asked me how I felt when I had my first sexual intercourse. I told her it was personal and was none of her business. She then looked at me and said "I thought it was nice". I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin. FML

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54125

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By Elcam - Belgium

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

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45712

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By fuckmyliiiiiiife - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst cold, ever. My nose was running like crazy and my eyes were all puffy. So I stumbled over to the medicine cabinet and took what I thought were three tylenol cold's. Two hours later I'm still sick and I can't leave the bathroom. They were laxatives. FML

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By caughtorangehanded - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

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20797

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By firstdategonebad - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML

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26736

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By Gjkashldf - United States

Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 17:01

Damn squares!

Today, I went for a job interview and was rejected for having a 'visible' tattoo. It's white ink, so you can't see it unless you look super closely. The only reason they knew about it was because I was honest and mentioned it when asked if I had any tattoos. I guess honesty is not the best policy. FML

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1163

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By Anonymous - United States - Hobart

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

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27976

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment for two so we could spend some quality time together. She took my sister. FML

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66334

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By t.hughes - United States

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

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51537

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By Mortified - 31/3/2020 14:00

On the can

Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML

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1657

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By BirthdayFail - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my birthday. Today is also the day my grandma died, six years ago. Since then, I get to sit through any sort of attempted celebration while my mom sobs and drinks herself into a stupor in the background. FML

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29353

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By genderbender - Reserved

Today, I went to the new gym I recently signed up for and started exercising in the men-filled weights room, despite being intimidated by them and the strange looks they were giving me. Workout over, I left the room and saw in front of me a door marked "Women's weights room". Oh. FML

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13891

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I worked 4 hours for a huge mail call to get all the troops their Christmas mail. And just like every other mail call I did not receive one package or letter. FML

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29987

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By CutestBoysEver - United States - Fruita

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

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31610

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from my biological father, who I have never met in my life. As I was scrolling through his hobbies and interests, I saw "Drinking," "Black women with big asses," and "Getting laid, lol." FML

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52040

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By djteller - Israel

Today, While I was running around the block I had this urge to spit. Suddenly I noticed this beautiful girl running in front me. Trying to impress her, I smiled and by mistake drooled everything on the pavement. She wasn't impressed. FML

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15983

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By ooops - United States

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML

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40064

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

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By EternalBlossom - United States

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

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28420

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By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Thanks.

Today, I asked a guy if I could finally meet his mom after we’ve been exclusive for almost a year now. He goes, "You’re special, but you’re not THAT special." FML

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4364

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 02:00

Live dumping

Today, I was having a mass lecture, for 3 classes combined, all microphones muted. I wanted to go to the toilet, so I connected my headphones, and I did my job massively while listening to the teacher. Suddenly, the teacher said, "Oh, close your mic for the love of god." 85 students heard me taking a shit. FML

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852

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML

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By cocoapuffs4life - Canada - Aurora

Today, I was told by my manager to make sure the supervisor on shift does his job. Last month I was told I couldn't be a supervisor. Apparently I can supervise someone who earns more than I do though. FML

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26521

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By noname - United States

Today, my mother wore a see through shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. FML

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52423

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By bymyself

Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave that flashes 'enjoy your meal' when it finishes cooking something. FML

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30559

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By KayyElOh94 - United States

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

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33624

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By Anonymous

Out and about

Today, my grandfather found my diary laying in the living room, and for some reason thought it was an interesting reading material. Oh well, he found out that I'm a lesbian, then panicked and basically outed me to my entire family. I really hope they have reservations in Hell. FML

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1595

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By problems - Thailand - Phuket

Today, on my holiday in Thailand I was using the ATM to withdraw $500 worth of Baht. While doing this the ATM crashed and decided to restart. After 5 minutes it spat my card out and nothing else. When I returned to the hotel to use the Wifi, the ATM had deducted the money from my account. FML

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16522

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1908

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By Ginny - Netherlands

Today, I decided to start running to stay fit. Before I left, I put my cell phone in my sweat shirt pocket, and jumped vigorously up and down and ran around my apartment to make sure it wouldn't fall out. On a bridge, it slides out of my pocket and drops fifteen feet into the water below. FML

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44333

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By rutho - United States

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

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20861

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By OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

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34954

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By Anonymous - Egypt

Today, I was working on a 12-page report. After 5 hours on it, I go over to YouTube to change background music. My boss decides to pick this time to walk by, look at my screen, and grunt "hard at work, huh?" FML

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30791

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Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my soon-to-be ex-husband's baby from the moment we agreed to have sex one last time together. FML

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6633

You deserved it

8986

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my landlady decided to fix the leak in my room. Her solution was repainting the ceiling. Now not only is my room still wet but it now reeks of paint thinner. FML

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27548

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1974

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By InsaneIdiots

Today, after recovering from surgery, I was leaving the clinic when a bucket of red paint was thrown at me, and a woman shouted that I was a murderer. I replied, "Sorry, would you like me to ask the doctor for my ovarian cyst back so I can pretend it was a fetus?" She hit me with her handbag. FML

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2867

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163

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked a coworker if she would cover for me on Easter because I want to spend it with my 3 year old daughter. She said no because she wants to spend Easter with her kids, too. She doesn't have kids. FML

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38195

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By MLS - United States

Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML

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39266

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By walmart: first time, last time - United States

Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML

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Top comments

By lolzRaptor | 1

#513645 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:20

Totally fuck your life, out of everything on this website of misfortunes, unpleasant events and encounters, your life is the most fucked up. You must be extremely miserable, I feel deeply sorry that you had sexual intercourse various times, and then ended up having a smell of chicken linger around you.

/sarcasm

By onlysoph | 0

#513619 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:11

I am officially over these kinds of FML's. Move on people

COMMENTS

By Exhumed91 | 0

#513600 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:02

first and i'm ripped!!

genius_man16 | 0

#514119 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 16:07

*frantically presses the 'SO WHAT?' button*

Ox_Baker | 0

#514401 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 18:26

This is such a stupid FML.

The_Chuck_Norris | 0

#515038 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 23:24

maybe he wants a CHICKEN SANDWICH? go fetch him one

zachbredberg | 0

#515439 - Wednesday 26 August 2009 2:34

omnomnomnom, sammiches! :D

fezzaza | 0

#967629 - Thursday 25 March 2010 2:46

omnomomomomom indeedd:D

enave | 0

#989047 - Friday 7 May 2010 16:01

in soviet Russia chicken smells you

xBloodTears | 0

#1002222 - Saturday 22 May 2010 13:38

YDI for not being in the kitchen where you belong.

Monkeybutt1 | 0

#2175835 - Sunday 13 March 2011 2:58

Wow thats really an asshole thing to say

TJ10 | 0

#2238130 - Friday 25 March 2011 5:30

lmfao at the soviet Russia comment

falon142012 | 22

#4220827 - Tuesday 27 March 2012 6:08

in Soviet Russia, ass laughs YOU off!

kellandj2019 | 7

#4421752 - Friday 11 May 2012 23:27

you're the worst person ever. that's so sexist and such a stereotype

By hannahMlover_not | 0

#513601 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:02

so he said u smelled like chicken.....?

canucksrule88 | 0

#514681 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 20:44

no.......nobody said the girl smelled like chicken
he just smelled chicken...maybe the neighbors had a bbq :)

Lone_Wolf_099 | 5

#987946 - Monday 3 May 2010 11:19

unless its fish

By stizzuh | 0

#513608 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:04

stupid...

Underwhelmed | 0

#514062 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 15:39

Yeah, there really needs to be a third option other than FYL and YDI. The third option needs to be "stfu and stop wallowing in self pity."

foreverhis | 4

#977890 - Sunday 11 April 2010 17:21

agreed.

By laughingperson5 | 0

#513610 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:05

WTF.

Nosrebor | 8

#3110434 - Monday 15 August 2011 4:54

LEROY!! JENKINS!!
sorry... That's what it made me think of... :P

By scarlett29 | 0

#513614 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:08

That's odd.

azreal_13 | 0

#814842 - Monday 1 February 2010 6:34

lolz romantic scean fail

Daft_Punk709 | 0

#1216615 - Tuesday 10 August 2010 9:38

scene*

By onlysoph | 0

#513619 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:11

I am officially over these kinds of FML's. Move on people

damnablefate | 0

#513653 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:26

Agreed.

By simplyn2deep | 2

#513630 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:14

either you need to stop bathing in chicken broth, or that was his way of telling you that he's hungry.

I'm jus' sayin'

Tori_xoxo | 0

#516010 - Wednesday 26 August 2009 8:47

Lawl. XD

By idratherbewrestl | 0

#513637 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:17

what happened to old school fml? back when they were funny and less emo and whiny

By hk_fml | 9

#513640 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:18

Ew. Smelling like chicken is not attractive. I really hope it wasnt you he was talking about.

Maybe he was hungry?

By hi_derrrr | 0

#513642 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:18

he was obviously joking around... FYL, cause it must suck not to have a sense of humor. :|.