Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a...

By isoheartcaitlin - 25/8/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38278

You deserved it

6145

Favorite

Love

Weird kid

Headache

Mixed signals

By 1337fade - 7/4/2011 05:19 - Denmark

Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38090

You deserved it

9685

Favorite

By sarahhh - 13/2/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I got my boyfriend a pair of concert tickets for his birthday. He loved the gift, but turned to me and said "Do I have to bring you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41426

You deserved it

3498

Favorite

By Username - 21/1/2011 03:55

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28093

You deserved it

3608

Favorite

By thepigeonsfriend - 7/5/2012 14:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26877

You deserved it

5900

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/9/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I went to run outside, only to smack straight into our sliding glass door. Just a few hours beforehand, my mom put up a strip of colored tape to stop this from happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10303

You deserved it

31417

Favorite

By FGum - 30/7/2009 05:56 - United States

Today, I was running on a soccer field and accidentally dropped my gum from my mouth. No one had noticed so I picked it up and started chewing again. It was a different flavor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9440

You deserved it

87594

Favorite

By sorry... - 2/3/2015 16:31 - United States - Newark

Today, I realized I hate my boyfriend's little sister enough to break up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32257

You deserved it

7522

Favorite

By vlcardenx3 - 12/3/2011 21:11 - United States

Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48454

You deserved it

6122

Favorite

By chumpslolo - 25/7/2013 10:55 - United States - Vandalia

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55447

You deserved it

3960

Favorite

By JoanT - 14/7/2020 09:43

"Nice alarm you've got there"

Today, I woke myself up by pinching my nipple between my elbow and the bed. This isn’t the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

194

You deserved it

Favorite

By *sigh* - 8/12/2015 22:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I confronted my friend about the £260 he owes me. He got offended and said, "Friends don't have to pay back." He called me selfish and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23536

You deserved it

2171

Favorite

By anonomys - 5/9/2011 19:19 - Canada

Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30175

You deserved it

10079

Favorite

By hoolagirl4422 - 20/9/2013 11:23 - Hong Kong - Kennedy Town

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51809

You deserved it

9360

Favorite

By Starving Student - 17/5/2012 03:42 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10047

You deserved it

28688

Favorite

By Sebastian20 - 8/5/2013 11:05 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44212

You deserved it

15571

Favorite

By butch - 13/11/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27246

You deserved it

2366

Favorite

By Arizonagirl - 6/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed because hers is ,"reserved for sleeping only". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13128

You deserved it

817

Favorite

By Timv86 - 16/2/2010 08:18 - Australia

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yells at the top of her voice 'stop following me you freak'. I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32792

You deserved it

3059

Favorite

By Tomaino - 18/8/2019 04:02

Today, my best friend got drunk and told me he's only friends with me because no one else will be friends with him. He then went on to tell me that he wasn't actually that drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1545

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By WeighYourWords - 3/5/2016 11:12 - Belgium - Overheid

Today, my overweight colleague twisted his ankle. He's pretty self-conscious about his weight, but I had a brain-fart and told him he shouldn't try to put too much weight on it. His feelings are more hurt than his ankle now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13268

You deserved it

1896

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/9/2016 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I called my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to come watch a movie. He seemed eager, until I said I needed the company because my period had started. He then went dead silent, waited a few seconds before starting to fake-snore, then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16293

You deserved it

2089

Favorite

By Arachnofail - 8/4/2016 04:16 - France - Goussainville

Today, while driving, a spider crawled onto my gearstick. Not being afraid of them, I casually flicked it off. Onto the person sitting next to me. The person evaluating me for my driving test at the time, who happened to be arachnophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22079

You deserved it

4447

Favorite

By always-the-responsible-one - 3/1/2010 08:42 - Canada

Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27514

You deserved it

3093

Favorite

By c-mack - 8/9/2009 00:52 - United States

Today, I got jumped by five dudes who took my phone. On it I had naked pictures of myself. An hour later they sent the pictures to all of my contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24605

You deserved it

46893

Favorite

By ProudMama - 8/1/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27164

You deserved it

3224

Favorite

By Tyrez - 14/8/2015 23:38 - United States - Boulder

Today, my stepbrother's attempt at making a snack resulted in the microwave catching on fire and the everlasting smell of burnt pizza rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22751

You deserved it

1764

Favorite

By musicgod123 - 29/12/2010 16:56 - France

Today, I bought a $3000 HD camera. It never shipped to my house, so I was concerned. I then realized I had given the seller the address for a house in California. I live in Maine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9065

You deserved it

44309

Favorite

By Michelle - 3/8/2011 06:01 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my parents. This cute guy works there and he always flirts with me. My mom just so happened to see it today. As we left, she says to him "You know she's 13, right?" I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44995

You deserved it

3389

Favorite

By Username - 23/6/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36247

You deserved it

2572

Favorite

By tracey - 19/10/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38960

You deserved it

17654

Favorite

By scared - 17/3/2015 21:35 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally went to the doctor's about my severe anxiety. I am so used to putting on a happy performance around people that she didn't believe anything was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30545

You deserved it

4294

Favorite

By STIdiot - 17/10/2011 12:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's jaw was swollen due to him not taking care of a cracked tooth. He's convinced it was actually caused by an STD, and accused me of giving it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35541

You deserved it

3652

Favorite

By OhMeGerd - 5/10/2012 14:56 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15383

You deserved it

28832

Favorite

By je_regrette_tout - 9/3/2013 18:50 - France - Livry-gargan

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24123

You deserved it

65965

Favorite

By Sleepless Dreams - 29/11/2016 04:42 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8996

You deserved it

673

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/4/2020 14:00

Yappy neighborhood

Today, I don't think my neighbours realize that, by getting that dog they have been wanting, they ruined the peace and quiet of the entire neighbourhood, consisting of ten houses. I'm the person underneath whose window that dog barks every day - mostly when I'm either trying to fall asleep or wanting to sleep in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1512

You deserved it

311

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/4/2015 10:16 - India

Today, the girl I've been seeing for less than a week started raging and ended up threatening me with a knife, after I shot down her idea of getting married next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36189

You deserved it

3429

Favorite

By Confused - 27/2/2012 04:58 - United States

Today, while skiing, the creepy guy controlling the chair lift said I was pretty. I was so caught off guard that I fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23309

You deserved it

5113

Favorite

By sosoram - 13/10/2018 05:00 - United States - Victorville

Today, I learned that the gentleman that found my wallet was not satisfied with the $300 cash and forged a check for a washer and dryer. I found out when I checked my account. It cleared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2277

You deserved it

158

Favorite

By Azcrazy - 3/8/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She has been there all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50362

You deserved it

3988

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lolzRaptor | 1

#513645 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:20

Totally fuck your life, out of everything on this website of misfortunes, unpleasant events and encounters, your life is the most fucked up. You must be extremely miserable, I feel deeply sorry that you had sexual intercourse various times, and then ended up having a smell of chicken linger around you.

/sarcasm

By onlysoph | 0

#513619 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:11

I am officially over these kinds of FML's. Move on people

COMMENTS

By Exhumed91 | 0

#513600 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:02

first and i'm ripped!!

genius_man16 | 0

#514119 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 16:07

*frantically presses the 'SO WHAT?' button*

Ox_Baker | 0

#514401 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 18:26

This is such a stupid FML.

The_Chuck_Norris | 0

#515038 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 23:24

maybe he wants a CHICKEN SANDWICH? go fetch him one

zachbredberg | 0

#515439 - Wednesday 26 August 2009 2:34

omnomnomnom, sammiches! :D

fezzaza | 0

#967629 - Thursday 25 March 2010 2:46

omnomomomomom indeedd:D

enave | 0

#989047 - Friday 7 May 2010 16:01

in soviet Russia chicken smells you

xBloodTears | 0

#1002222 - Saturday 22 May 2010 13:38

YDI for not being in the kitchen where you belong.

Monkeybutt1 | 0

#2175835 - Sunday 13 March 2011 2:58

Wow thats really an asshole thing to say

TJ10 | 0

#2238130 - Friday 25 March 2011 5:30

lmfao at the soviet Russia comment

falon142012 | 22

#4220827 - Tuesday 27 March 2012 6:08

in Soviet Russia, ass laughs YOU off!

kellandj2019 | 7

#4421752 - Friday 11 May 2012 23:27

you're the worst person ever. that's so sexist and such a stereotype

By hannahMlover_not | 0

#513601 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:02

so he said u smelled like chicken.....?

canucksrule88 | 0

#514681 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 20:44

no.......nobody said the girl smelled like chicken
he just smelled chicken...maybe the neighbors had a bbq :)

Lone_Wolf_099 | 5

#987946 - Monday 3 May 2010 11:19

unless its fish

By stizzuh | 0

#513608 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:04

stupid...

Underwhelmed | 0

#514062 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 15:39

Yeah, there really needs to be a third option other than FYL and YDI. The third option needs to be "stfu and stop wallowing in self pity."

foreverhis | 4

#977890 - Sunday 11 April 2010 17:21

agreed.

By laughingperson5 | 0

#513610 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:05

WTF.

Nosrebor | 8

#3110434 - Monday 15 August 2011 4:54

LEROY!! JENKINS!!
sorry... That's what it made me think of... :P

By scarlett29 | 0

#513614 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:08

That's odd.

azreal_13 | 0

#814842 - Monday 1 February 2010 6:34

lolz romantic scean fail

Daft_Punk709 | 0

#1216615 - Tuesday 10 August 2010 9:38

scene*

By onlysoph | 0

#513619 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:11

I am officially over these kinds of FML's. Move on people

damnablefate | 0

#513653 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:26

Agreed.

By simplyn2deep | 2

#513630 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:14

either you need to stop bathing in chicken broth, or that was his way of telling you that he's hungry.

I'm jus' sayin'

Tori_xoxo | 0

#516010 - Wednesday 26 August 2009 8:47

Lawl. XD

By idratherbewrestl | 0

#513637 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:17

what happened to old school fml? back when they were funny and less emo and whiny

By hk_fml | 9

#513640 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:18

Ew. Smelling like chicken is not attractive. I really hope it wasnt you he was talking about.

Maybe he was hungry?

By hi_derrrr | 0

#513642 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 9:18

he was obviously joking around... FYL, cause it must suck not to have a sense of humor. :|.