Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML
Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
Today, at a time when dating app usage is at an all time high, in 3 months I've only managed 4 likes and one brief match on Bumble. I'm not terrible looking by any means, yet I'm weeks away from my 8-year anniversary of being single. Am I cursed or something? FML
Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML
Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML
Today, I joined a dating website for the first time in 12 years and spent an hour carefully crafting my profile. Ten minutes after posting, my sibling texted me screenshots. I’d linked my profile to Facebook, where my bio appeared under my real name for half my extended family. Aunt Linda left a heart reaction. FML
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Top comments
coopcas 0
eHarmony is full of bigots, anyhow. Go out more, you're wasting your money. They don't even accept gays, the bastards.
24788 7
Why don't you try contacting them?
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Comments (131)
IAmTheCamel 0
Haha. I'm sorry but that's really funny.
lvlvv 0
haha aww. i'm hoping the reason is because you didn't have a photo, or a proper description or something..
schizoid_fml 3
@ #9 my thoughts exactly! Sloppy moderating.
star_ver 0
#9, yeah... Where's the FML???
Glam_fml 0
Contacting goes both ways you know... Instead of sitting around waiting for someone to message you, become pro active about your love life. You obviously aren't one of those people for whom others fight to talk to, or else you wouldm't be on eHarmomy, or someone would have messaged you at least. Only you can make yourself happy!
redbluegreen 41
Hahaha the FML is missing! Just wait when the list gets down to 100, and someone's like, "OMGZ WAT R U TALKIN' ABOUTS??!!! THE FML IS THERE!" Obviously, it will be edited for you future morons out there.
feelthebreakdown 0
Stop complaining, and do something about it. Stop waiting for people to come to you.
4ndr3wk 0
urm you shouldnt just wait for them to come to you, actually do something and try contacting THEM
amatayo 0
Just be more out going have fun and in time you will meet some one. The wrong some one (believe me) but that will teach you the things you need to push toward the right person
stringoffail 0
OKCupid is awesome, free and not full of and run by hateful Christian bigots. Or you can score a nice Jewish lover on J-date. I highly recommend Jewish people as lovers.