Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I realized that every other targeted ad I see is for some sort of dating app. I've been single on and off for 5 years now, and it's starting to get to me. FML
Today, after 4 years of being single, I decided to go back to the dating scene. I downloaded Tinder. My matches run for the hills as soon as I show them a full body pic of myself. One guy even told me to delete the app from my phone, because if “guys wanted to go whaling, they’d go out to sea.” FML
Today, at a time when dating app usage is at an all time high, in 3 months I've only managed 4 likes and one brief match on Bumble. I'm not terrible looking by any means, yet I'm weeks away from my 8-year anniversary of being single. Am I cursed or something? FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML
Today, I woke up to an email confirming my membership to a dating site. Turns out my mother is as annoyed by my loveless life as I am. FML
Today, I'm upset by my dating life. I want to be with a man romantically, but none I've met so far have worked out. Too dumb or boring or mean, so I've tried some dating sites. All my matches were with women, so I went on a date with one to "find out." Is it good or bad that I liked her more than any man so far? FML
Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Today, my friends yet again told me to hop on Tinder and other dating sites, saying how easy it is to match up, and I keep telling them I will soon. In reality, I've been on them for weeks, without a match. FML
Today, I came to terms with the fact that in order to get a boyfriend, I need to slim down. When I put full-body shots on dating apps, I get swiped left on. But when I put headshots, I get matches. And lots of them. But I can’t catfish these dudes. Time to go on a diet and hit the gym. It’s not fair. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
RichardPencil wants to see you smile back! See? FML is just like that other site, IRL.com, whoever they are.
Charlie Given 28
Lmao wrong post
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
RichardPencil wants to see you smile back! See? FML is just like that other site, IRL.com, whoever they are.
FluffythePink 24
I'm sorry but that's hilarious. Has it occurred to you that perhaps your wife doesn't like hairy chests? You expect her to shave for you... Or if you don't fancy the skin problems then Lazer removal is affordable and Groupon do some excellent deals. Give her something she actually wants for your next Anniversary, a nice, smooth, lickable chest where she doesn't have to suck rug to get to a nipple anymore...
Charlie Given 28
Lmao wrong post
Hangryko 32
@FluffythePink - Wrong FML.
Yudith 28
Time to fill up the rest of your profile. A thing that makes me cringe... People asking me to smile. A secret about me... I am actually smiling on my photo. I have resting b**** face. My travel plans are... Going to Japan the day everybody wears a blank face mask. A fantasy I have... You will have to ask me in person. Let's just say it involves the Joker.
Niniva 8
I've found they back off right fast when you give them a "killer" smile. Pro tip: envision their violent demise as you flash too much teeth.