Love: Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi,...

By sad sack. - United States

Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24924

You deserved it

2847

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Love

The smell detective is on the case

Instadrama

Trust

By yupppp - United States

Today, I was talking with my mom about getting my school photos retouched. I believe her exact words were, "They'll take one look at you, and charge me triple." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34076

You deserved it

3916

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By Anonymous - United States - Evansville

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a little over a week proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28915

You deserved it

3179

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going a few miles per hour over the speed limit. The cop asked for my license and registration. I happened to look down at my wallet while he was processing everything and saw my license in my wallet. I gave the cop my fake I.D. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8697

You deserved it

66072

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By pist off

Classy.

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing off a hot air balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4914

You deserved it

287

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By Oriianna Raiinbow - United States

Today, talking to my boyfriend about each others families, we noticed we both had an aunt with the same name. After a while of trying to figure things out, we decide to call her. Turns out that we are long distance cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58679

You deserved it

4540

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By deflower - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, my mother burst into tears and hysterics when she found out my fiancée and I were not "pure" for our upcoming wedding. I'm 28, she's 27, and we've lived together for four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36603

You deserved it

5013

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By Anonymous - United States - Auburn

Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31140

You deserved it

3462

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By TimeForANewJob

Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5911

You deserved it

704

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By ihateguys - United States - San Francisco

Today, I heard my boyfriend talking with my father in the backyard. I thought he was asking for my hand in marriage. He was actually telling him about his plans to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40856

You deserved it

3982

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By Hth - United States

Today, I realized I spend way too much time on the computer. I grabbed the menu at the restaurant, glanced at the page, and tried to do CTRL+F to find seafood. Geek coming through! FML

I agree, your life sucks

8986

You deserved it

29757

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was having lunch with my fiancé's family. After he excused himself to use the bathroom, his grandmother glared at me, sneered, "I never liked you" and kept eating while the others smirked. When my fiancé returned, everyone pretended nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59585

You deserved it

8320

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By JohhnyKeroscene - United States

Today, while helping my mom to cook, I was reminded that when the fire alarm goes off in our house, dinner is ready. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24140

You deserved it

2807

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By baddream - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Our soul

Today, at my grandmother's funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65840

You deserved it

4724

Favorite

By Fmyapp - United States

Today, after having paid to download an iPhone FML app, I found out that the real 'Fmylife Official' app was a lot more complete. And free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12469

You deserved it

45962

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By NotSoAnon - United States

Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35270

You deserved it

5034

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By Eyebrowless - United States - Willingboro

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23941

You deserved it

13857

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By lobotomy pls - United States - Tappahannock

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28242

You deserved it

4469

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By Marona - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, after a discussion, my boyfriend said, "I think it's time you found somebody better." After I gave him a look, he continued, "For me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30955

You deserved it

2769

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By Anonymous

Today, I realised how little my husband trusts me after I told him I was pregnant and the first words out of his mouth were, “Is it mine?” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2398

You deserved it

393

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By Username - France

Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29554

You deserved it

15686

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Port Elizabeth

Today, my mum wants me to see a psychologist because I've been acting strange lately. If by "strange" she means "not wanting to die any more", then sure. But thanks, I could've used that psychologist 3 years ago when I asked for one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21012

You deserved it

1368

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By frustrated - Ireland - Killarney

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56974

You deserved it

7377

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By Cherie - United States

Today, I was in an unfamiliar building on campus and I needed to use the bathroom before class started. I walked in and saw a man at the sink. I said "Oh my god I'm sorry! I thought this was the women's washroom." It was. The very butch looking woman gave me a look of death. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44664

You deserved it

10396

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By aru9 - United States

Today, I met an old friend from high school and his hot girlfriend. I jokingly said she must be blind to go out with him. His response: "Yeah, she is." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22197

You deserved it

36909

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By jessica - United States

Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36984

You deserved it

9472

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36652

You deserved it

30502

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By webcammistake - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24045

You deserved it

75671

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54042

You deserved it

30250

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By Foreigner - Jersey

Today, I was having a great time shopping with my gran, until she started complaining about all the foreigners ruining our town, and counting each person who didn't look 100% British. It wouldn't even have been so bad if I wasn't adopted into the family, from Russia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38592

You deserved it

3051

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By steak through the heart - United States - El Monte

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46927

You deserved it

4104

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By hjkashld - United States

Today, I faked back pain to get out of sex with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13475

You deserved it

36332

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32323

You deserved it

2907

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39766

You deserved it

2626

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By blindedbythelight - United States - Orlando

Fashionably Late

Today, the pair of solar eclipse glasses I ordered weeks ago arrived. I'm sure they'll come in handy for 2024. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3097

You deserved it

332

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By - France

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27974

You deserved it

5946

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By Wolf - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sends a text to one of his "friends" saying "I'm thinking of you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26343

You deserved it

2331

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By unwed - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64369

You deserved it

4383

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By svenska75 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36776

You deserved it

3800

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By bubblensuds1 - United States

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31635

You deserved it

3075

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By anon - United States

Today, my parents have deliberately ruined my last 2 relationships, because they want me to get back together with my ex simply because he is my son's dad. Apparently, my son needs his father more than I need a man who won't beat me every time he gets drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34516

You deserved it

2042

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Top comments

By FunWriter20 | 0

#1404 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 23:37

Bummer. Facebook has a similar application, except it says "24 people looked at your profile this week. 0 expressed interest." Ouch.

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#190 - Thursday 5 February 2009 1:11

Gutted, nuff said

COMMENTS

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#190 - Thursday 5 February 2009 1:11

Gutted, nuff said

tpm45 | 25

#5745828 - Thursday 7 November 2013 18:49

Story of my life.......

By FunWriter20 | 0

#1404 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 23:37

Bummer. Facebook has a similar application, except it says "24 people looked at your profile this week. 0 expressed interest." Ouch.

By Fenzie | 0

#7455 - Thursday 26 February 2009 2:46

I've been getting emails from Yahoo! Personals for a few months and every time it says 0new matches.

By mellowyellowww | 0

#65269 - Saturday 28 March 2009 20:20

haaaaaave you thought about meeting people in real life?
much better idea than using the internet.
totally.

By 24788 | 6

#159272 - Friday 1 May 2009 8:12

Online dating sucks.

By rachelbrianna25 | 0

#161764 - Saturday 2 May 2009 9:32

go 2 a bar with your friends. maybe u can find a drunk at least for the night. lol. just playing. i would try going to clubs though.

By Dooms_day | 5

#234717 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 2:26

lol to ^above^

By savetherainfores_fml | 0

#256628 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 0:16

Haha that's funny but sucks

Save the Rainforest or everyone dies

gman90210 | 18

#3965838 - Monday 30 January 2012 10:01

Talk about out of context

By 19lollipop96 | 0

#384877 - Friday 10 July 2009 18:38

Lmao
Maybe just maybe ur supposed to be alone or Internet dating is just not u

By cupcake330 | 16

#612988 - Saturday 10 October 2009 5:06

haha! how bout you go out