Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML
Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
Today, at a time when dating app usage is at an all time high, in 3 months I've only managed 4 likes and one brief match on Bumble. I'm not terrible looking by any means, yet I'm weeks away from my 8-year anniversary of being single. Am I cursed or something? FML
Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML
Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML
Today, I joined a dating website for the first time in 12 years and spent an hour carefully crafting my profile. Ten minutes after posting, my sibling texted me screenshots. I’d linked my profile to Facebook, where my bio appeared under my real name for half my extended family. Aunt Linda left a heart reaction. FML
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Top comments
coopcas 0
eHarmony is full of bigots, anyhow. Go out more, you're wasting your money. They don't even accept gays, the bastards.
24788 7
Why don't you try contacting them?
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Comments (131)
FMLwrestler 0
#7: Why should E-Harmony accept gays? The whole idea was "dating". Since dating is clearly a pre-indicator of marriage, and since gay marriage is not legalized in most states yet.... it only makes sense that they would not include gays on a dating website. And plus, you can sign up as a gay- you just can't hook up with other men. That's all. You gay men still have the right to date women. So where's the inequality? You're not inequal, you're simply asking for a more complex, different privelege. You want a company to go out of the way to satisfy your unorthodox wants and preferences. Shame on you for being so selfish! =P
edellio 0
does your profile say scary or ridiculously stupid things? maybe your photos are shit.. do some exercise and get a stylist... that'll make you feel better about things anyway... =D
wbrycem 0
I like #4's comment.
FrankieTheNimrod 0
#66, that's sort of ridiculous, there should be an age limit for this site. #86 FYL for being bombarded with ridiculous prejudiced views on gay people to the point that you've accepted them as your own. I'll go to eHarmony, sign up as "a gay" and date me some women so I can marry them. Because that makes a whole load if sense.
shotgunner2 0
hahahaha ya #86 you are sorta a dumbfuck... case closed. and #4 thats really really harsh... high five
redbluegreen 41
#89/ FrankieTheNimrod - I know. Some if not most of the content on this site is really not intended for viewers under the age of fourteen. At least. I mean, MySpace and even freaking NeoPets has an age limit. It's not as if people don't lie though. It's just a little disgusting and weird when a ten year old tries to give me advice on something that they obviously have no idea about. I wonder if I can change my age to 3 or something.
e11e 0
maybe it's time for match.com
Topguy 0
Dang I'm sorry... Well u get ur money back rite?
RoguePenguin 0
Doesn't that mean you get 6 months free or something? I thought that's what the commercials said... #86 should go die.
redbluegreen 41
The age limit is apparently eight. What...