Love: Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 269

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 123

25/09/2009 18:16

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 325

You deserved it 17 597

Vulture

Batman

You tried

05/08/2009 05:25

Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 383

You deserved it 45 798

Get out of there!

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 15:30

Today, after I can't count how many times, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to break MORE things in our home, because I asked him not to let our son speak to me rudely. His response, "He said 'OK' so you should have shut up." Basically, he's raising my kid to treat me like he does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 540

24/12/2015 06:10

Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 627

You deserved it 2 083

Live Laugh Love

By ihatewalmart - 29/06/2012 23:12

Today, while at work, I saw a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said, "Yep… that just happened," and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 977

You deserved it 3 186

31/12/2014 08:08

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 831

You deserved it 4 850

27/12/2009 03:09

Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 493

You deserved it 71 304

05/05/2016 21:00

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 606

You deserved it 2 337

26/02/2010 05:02

Today, my mother who is 75 years old just told me and my sister that we are adopted. I'm 45 years old and my sister is 49. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 790

You deserved it 2 289

14/10/2011 00:10

Today, my mom took a bright red sharpie and drew a red circle just above my breasts. She said, "If I can see this, ever, your shirt is either too low cut or too see through and it will be thrown away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 567

You deserved it 12 186

31/08/2011 14:23

Spicy

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 650

You deserved it 11 196

Duchamp would be proud

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 12:00

Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 147

19/09/2013 12:54

Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 044

You deserved it 4 008

18/12/2014 17:59

Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 892

You deserved it 5 382

14/03/2012 14:38

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my visibly drunk uncle stood up and denounced the minister for "preaching yer god shite where it weren't never be welcome". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 244

You deserved it 2 578

01/09/2009 04:00

Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while driving. I pulled over and scooped it in my arms to bring it to safety. Not only did I get mauled and scratched by the cat, my car also wasn't put in park and rolled away hitting a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 238

You deserved it 38 725

06/06/2016 05:13

Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best friend, and insisted we have him over to dinner. Tom is a slug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 005

You deserved it 1 321

Call the waaaambulance!

By boiled ladybits - 25/06/2020 14:02

Spicy

Today, I was in the shower having a little fun with the detachable shower head. I didn’t know anyone else was home until I heard a toilet flush and scalding hot water flooded my cooch. I think I need to go to the ER, but I’m too embarrassed to ask for a ride there. I can’t walk or sit properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 927

You deserved it 467

02/02/2017 23:00

Today, I embarrassed myself by screaming for help in a crowded mall when my shoelace got stuck at the top of the escalator. Someone behind me kicked the shoelace and it came out easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 144

You deserved it 2 047

09/08/2011 17:29

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 610

You deserved it 4 498

02/10/2015 00:45

Today, my pain-in-the-ass co-worker is finally leaving. Unfortunately, I was chosen to do the bulk of her job. She has given me no training and on her last day, just smirked at me on her way out and say, "Enjoy doing my job too, fucker". I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 782

You deserved it 1 879

03/12/2012 17:47

Today, I found out what the two girls I sit near to fight about every day: seating. The loser has to sit next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 033

You deserved it 2 211

02/09/2010 16:03

Today, I had a stomach virus. I tried to make myself throw up to feel better. My long nails sliced open my throat from the inside, and I threw up blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 263

You deserved it 59 845

05/05/2009 06:26

Today, I lost track of time while rocking out, butt-naked, to Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch after taking a shower. Three of my metalhead friends had let themselves in my house and were on the lower level laughing their butts off at me for 30 minutes before telling me. I'm a 23 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 214

You deserved it 63 148

27/11/2009 00:26

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 903

You deserved it 7 204

30/04/2012 00:23

Today, I was so insecure, I got scared of what people might think of my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 595

You deserved it 6 021

17/01/2010 05:37

Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to wear a special shirt. Come to find out, they only have medium sized shirts. I am an XL. They demanded I wear the shirt anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 547

You deserved it 9 265

05/11/2012 00:02

Today, I work on a cruise ship, and I just learned that we have a morgue on board. How did I learn that? It's right next to the crew laundry room, and I opened the wrong door. It was occupied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 938

You deserved it 1 902

07/10/2014 11:33

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 204

You deserved it 10 621

22/05/2009 05:12

Today, my grandpa took out the family for dinner and paid for everyone. He paid the bill and my family and I were waiting by the door. I realised I probably should thank him for dinner. I turn around without thinking and give him a big hug and say thanks for dinner Grandpa. It wasn't my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 265

You deserved it 44 798

06/04/2017 18:00

Today, I had to stop on a long trip to use the restroom at a gas station. Apparently, there was water damage beneath the toilet, because after about two minutes of doing my business, it collapsed about seven inches beneath the floor. Guess who got covered in water, black mold, and poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 847

You deserved it 374

29/03/2016 13:05

Today, I was on my run, running past the home of the very attractive guy in my English class. This time he was outside. As I was running I casually waved, he waved back, but because I was distracted, I didn't notice a rock on the sidewalk and ended up tripping and pantsing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 140

You deserved it 3 234

01/04/2009 06:03

Today, I left for vacation in Mexico. Upon landing, I received a text message from the guy I've been seeing. It read, "Sorry, I'm not boyfriend material. Have a good trip." I paid 75 cents to get dumped, internationally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 824

You deserved it 5 634

30/08/2013 23:37

Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 640

You deserved it 6 894

Unforgettable

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 11:05

Today, it's my birthday, I once again had to remind my best friend of this fact, like I have every year for the past 20 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 295

29/12/2016 03:18

Today, a telemarketer called my house phone and asked for my grandpa. We were having his wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 120

You deserved it 377

Sounds reasonable

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 06:01

Today, my mum gave me a two-month ultimatum to get married or risk being disowned. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 59

15/11/2015 15:21

Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 241

You deserved it 2 817

18/06/2012 01:57

Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 281

You deserved it 2 027

06/01/2009 09:51

Today, I invited a girl I really like to spend the afternoon at my place. Everything went great... with my sister. They became really good friends, and me, well, I tried to alleviate my boredom in front of my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 029

You deserved it 2 819

26/02/2013 18:09

Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 845

You deserved it 10 246

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Top comments

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:12

why don't you just give him a chance? at least get to know him if you haven't yet.

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:22

You're lonely enough to join a dating website; no one is below your standards now. The only lower you could possibly sink now is a Craigslist personal.

Comments

livexlaughxlove1 0

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:08

hhahahahahaha give him a chance.

abdur 0

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:16

Wouldn't it look like she is being a hypocrite by rejecting him for so long and then suddenly giving him a chance?

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:16

Hypocrite? No. People grow up and change... Seems more than just a coincidence to me, She should give him a chance.

livexlaughxlove1 0

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:18

How would dating him after rejecting him (I'm guessing at least a year or two ago) in high school make her look like a hypocrite?

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:28

DTMFA (Date That Mother Fucker Already)

CDS09 0

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:37

Unless you have some extraordinary reason why you rejected him in high school I would say give it a shot, because either (1) you were wrong or (2) the dating site isnt worth shit....besides, it was high school, most people have matured since then. I would be interested to know why you wouldnt date him, especially since if he stalked you or something it probably would have been mentioned in the original post.

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Saturday 26 September 2009 0:53

go ahead and give him some womb already

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Saturday 26 September 2009 1:18

#51 i love you

Reyo 2

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Saturday 26 September 2009 6:23

Maybe you should stop being such a shallow bitch and give the little nerd a chance. You're using a DATING WEBSITE. Do ya REALLY think ya have much room to be picky?

Antivirus_fml 0

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Saturday 26 September 2009 17:39

OP, you should definately date him! Good luck!

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Saturday 3 October 2009 4:56

Wow, you don't even know her whole story and you're calling her a bitch? I was also repeatedly asked out in high school by this really creepy guy how would say perverted things to me. So a girl should date him too now?

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Friday 23 October 2009 9:31

The only reason you don't love him is because he's not playing hard to get.

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 8:29

i agreee o:

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Saturday 23 January 2010 19:35

maybe he created a profile just to match you incase you makes one. if not date him already

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Friday 12 March 2010 0:26

online dating sites are fake scams.

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Friday 30 April 2010 6:45

Do you people have ANY idea what you are saying when you say 'just date him already?' My friend was stalked by someone she didn't want to go out with, this guy the OP doesn't want to date may very well be a stalker... If she didn't like him then, chances are good she still won't. People do change, but their base personality is always there... Something that just doesn't change over time...

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 3:37

it wouldn't make her look like a hypocrite. I had a crush on my fiancé for 4 years before he gave me a chance. and we were best friends!!! and were planning our wedding!

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Thursday 16 June 2011 6:11

I agree, it depends on the situation and his attitude. if he was creepy pervert like, then don't give him a chance. But if it was a sweet little crush she should try it.

Silent_Harmony 3

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:10

Maybe you should give him a chance?

cerebellum_fml 0

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Saturday 26 September 2009 0:08

I agree

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Saturday 26 September 2009 1:34

I agree as well. It's not that hard to give a chance, after all you never know :) ___________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99

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Saturday 26 September 2009 21:11

Dear OP, WHAT DON'T YOU LIKE ABOUT HIM?????

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:10

HAHAHAHA

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 12:52

Tig Bittys! :D

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:10

eh, date him?

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:12

why don't you just give him a chance? at least get to know him if you haven't yet.

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Sunday 27 September 2009 5:24

Seriously! OP, give the guy a friggin chance. Maybe its a sign??

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:36

Since Michael Jackson is dead, and you said that he ended up better than her, then the obvious solution you are proposing is for her to become "an hero" and kill herself. Am I reading this right?

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:47

wwmjd your kidding right... Im not religous at all but comparing him with Jesus... You need a life

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Saturday 26 September 2009 2:07

I think you're the one who needs a life. Just chill out.

MissIndependent2_fml 0

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Thursday 8 April 2010 11:49

I know #26, she failed

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Sunday 24 October 2010 8:08

my thoughts exactly

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:14

So give in and give your stalker a sympathy fuck. Maybe after you've tried it once, you'll realise he's got the stuff in bed to keep you coming back for more. And once he's gotten you pregnant from your consistent hook-ups where in he pokes holes in his condoms, he's gotten you tied down forever. Persistence and determination is everything.

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Saturday 26 September 2009 0:33

Win.

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Saturday 26 September 2009 0:40

:]

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 4:22

Lmao there was so much win in that.

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Tuesday 13 September 2011 1:32

-_-

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:14

I think you should give it a shot. What do you have to lose? Is he ugly?

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Tuesday 13 September 2011 1:34

why does it matter if he's ugly or not??

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:19

aww give him a chance!

p4kku 0

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:20

If you join a dating site, why not give the guy a chance?