Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML
Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
Today, at a time when dating app usage is at an all time high, in 3 months I've only managed 4 likes and one brief match on Bumble. I'm not terrible looking by any means, yet I'm weeks away from my 8-year anniversary of being single. Am I cursed or something? FML
Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML
Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML
Today, I joined a dating website for the first time in 12 years and spent an hour carefully crafting my profile. Ten minutes after posting, my sibling texted me screenshots. I’d linked my profile to Facebook, where my bio appeared under my real name for half my extended family. Aunt Linda left a heart reaction. FML
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Top comments
coopcas 0
eHarmony is full of bigots, anyhow. Go out more, you're wasting your money. They don't even accept gays, the bastards.
24788 7
Why don't you try contacting them?
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Comments (131)
testing_fml 0
Shorter OP: "The people I've been matched with and declining to contact haven't contacted me yet! FML." eHarmony fail, get over it.
redbluegreen 41
Thank you Didi. You're the best one of the FML staff. Haha. And I forgot whatever number said this, but the people on this site are getting younger and younger. I saw a six year old viewing my profile earlier today. Gah.
HELLOASHLEYLYNN 0
Awwhh. :( Forget internet dating! Go out into the world and do stuff you love and enjoy life. You're bound to meet somebody :) This world is stuffed with people! Plus, science and love don't always work for everyone. You're unique!
jlowe82 0
I've been a member of eharmony for two years now. They've found four matches for me in that time. FML.
The_Frost 0
There is no science in love. Most people meet their significant others through friends. Once you stop searching you're bound to come across someone that you will love. In the mean time, take some classes or find some social gatherings; make more friends and expand your future options.
hawkloverr 0
how many did YOU contact?
Jarlais 0
You're fugly
jdot01 0
I think that qualifies you for a refund, according to the commercial.
kira1kira 0
Contact them stupid!!!
cobaltblue 0
Put up a picture. A good picture. A smiling picture. If that doesn't work, you have some maintenance to do, sorry.