Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML
Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
Today, at a time when dating app usage is at an all time high, in 3 months I've only managed 4 likes and one brief match on Bumble. I'm not terrible looking by any means, yet I'm weeks away from my 8-year anniversary of being single. Am I cursed or something? FML
Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML
Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML
Today, I joined a dating website for the first time in 12 years and spent an hour carefully crafting my profile. Ten minutes after posting, my sibling texted me screenshots. I’d linked my profile to Facebook, where my bio appeared under my real name for half my extended family. Aunt Linda left a heart reaction. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
coopcas 0
eHarmony is full of bigots, anyhow. Go out more, you're wasting your money. They don't even accept gays, the bastards.
24788 7
Why don't you try contacting them?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (131)
Nightfallz 0
Well you can wait for people to contact you or you can contact people. YDI
xfreak804 0
AHHHHHHHHHHH NO FML WTF
Rota 0
Contact them dumbass.
rawr_muffins 0
Why don't you try contacting them? P.S- you didn't put FML at the end!!!!!!!
tari_joon 0
LOL, I tried to sign up for eHarmony once and it rejected my application saying that I couldn't be matched with anyone.
muchhate 0
Serves you right, eHarmony is crap. Stupid christians.
Kylias 6
I bet at least one of them is thinking the same thing about their lack of responses. Why don't you contact one of them? Lame. And why would you sign up for eHarmony? Did you see it in a commercial and think that someone with your exact skin tone and hair color and all the /exact/ same interests would be dancing with you in an apartment covered in paint or laughing at nothing in a coffee shop with you or something? Goodness gracious, there is so much /lame/ about this FML.
AntiChrist7 0
YDI for being a member of such lame dating site stuff
dmmd8686 0
My personal feelings aside (that YDI for relying on the Internet for dating) - have you tried contacting them? If you're that passive, no wonder you can't get a date. Christ, grow a pair!
TallMist 32
Internet dating is fantastic, actually. First of all, there are many situations where one wouldn't be able to get out and meet people. Secondly, you can't move too quick. You can't just get right to the ******* immediately. You actually have to get to know someone. Yeah, they could lie, but people lie IRL too. Thirdly, people can't really lie about who they are. I mean, I myself refused to do it for a while (For years, I thought it was something you had to pay for), but I did eventually download Skype to talk to an internet girlfriend I had. Video chat for even a few moments and you can confirm if someone is lying or not. So, tell me again how internet dating is bad.
DevilDistraction 0
heh...amazing how many FML's have a dating-site name in them. more evidence that the contemplation of joining one is automatic grounds for life-fuckage. if there's no more to life for you than idealised cookie-cutter relationships anyway...