Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML
Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
Today, at a time when dating app usage is at an all time high, in 3 months I've only managed 4 likes and one brief match on Bumble. I'm not terrible looking by any means, yet I'm weeks away from my 8-year anniversary of being single. Am I cursed or something? FML
Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML
Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML
Today, I joined a dating website for the first time in 12 years and spent an hour carefully crafting my profile. Ten minutes after posting, my sibling texted me screenshots. I’d linked my profile to Facebook, where my bio appeared under my real name for half my extended family. Aunt Linda left a heart reaction. FML
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Top comments
coopcas 0
eHarmony is full of bigots, anyhow. Go out more, you're wasting your money. They don't even accept gays, the bastards.
24788 7
Why don't you try contacting them?
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Comments (131)
BikerMike 0
A few years ago, I tried on of those online dating services. I searched for profiles that were "25 - 50 miles from my zipcode", the only ones who responded were women from Russa, or a country that was part of Russa, Singapore, etc.... These women were madly in love with me and wanted me to pay their way to America and sponser their Visa. The women who resonded that were acually within the zipcode search, would email me questions to answer - How much money do I make, what is my job, what kind of car do I drive, how big is my house, etc... One lady would email me a question, I would answer it, then she would email me another question. After the 5th question, I asked her if we were going to meet or are we going to play 20 questions. Another lady whose profile said she was about 25 LBS overweight, I am about 25 LBS overweight too, so I emailed her. In her return email, I was suppose to be at least 6 foot, physicaly fit, and make at least $100,000 a year. I asked her if I am suppose to be a buff soap opera start, I sure as hell do not want a fat stuck up **** like you. After that I never visited that site again. I think because you do not see the other person, people play more games and are even ruder online.
elliebutton 0
They forgot the FML (as many people have pointed out). Sloppy moderation. Anyway, how is this an FML? Go out, get a life and meet someone.
Alexgoesfml 3
How is it sloppy moderation? You people moan about he tiniest things. Also sucks for OP.
FurrTrap 0
Try http://www.datingdna.com/
UseTheFrags 0
Aww. :(
elliebutton 0
#25 and #24, the damn site is called Fmylife, it practically lives by the whole "FML" phrase. Now if an FML can get through without this on the bottom, I call it sloppy moderation. Who forgets to the 2 most important criterias on the damn site? Must start with TODAY and end with FML.
Colby_Colbert 0
Maybe its cause you look like that rocky kid from the mask
um_duh 0
**** FML, seriously - there has to be someone out there that has a better FML than this???
steeeeeve 0
try real life you ****** twat and don't say it's because you don't have time...that's bullshit
imcordray 0
And you can't contact them because?