Health: Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod...

By n0taplumber - 16/11/2010 03:25 - United States

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 809

You deserved it 4 819

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Adam - 18/11/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my iPod dropped out of my pocket while I was walking. Trying to be cool, I attempted to kick it back into the air to catch it before it hit the ground. Upon making contact with my foot, It ended up detaching from my headphones and flying 10 feet. Right into a sewer grate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 368

You deserved it 70 232

Hangry DVD

By Krazydude1000 - 03/01/2020 14:00

Today, I found out that my old DVD player had stopped reading my DVDs. I had the dumb idea to stick my finger in there to see what the problem was. I found the problem, which was that my fingernail wasn't on my finger after doing that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 2 144

By yay! - 08/11/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 781

You deserved it 32 270

By momac86 - 19/01/2015 06:34 - United States

Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 171

You deserved it 4 215

Let it bleed

By breza - 01/07/2022 14:00 - Slovenia

Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 159

Locked and loaded

By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 03:07 - China

Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 193

You deserved it 43 434

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 09:57 - United States

Today, I started some laundry late at night. Once my clothes were in the washer for about a half hour, I got bored and I decided I would listen to my iPod. After looking for it for another 15 minutes, I remembered where I'd left it; in my jacket... which is now nice and clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 577

You deserved it 27 347

By payne - 04/01/2010 21:07 - United States

Today, I found my daughter's brand new ipod touch. At the bottom of the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 714

You deserved it 6 218

By flipflap - 14/06/2015 06:35

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 316

You deserved it 7 117

By Grrr - 20/07/2012 07:58 - United States - Salem

Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 374

You deserved it 2 077

Porschephile 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:08

What else would you use to find things between couch cushions? Toes?

DefineAlrep 9

Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:06

so did you ever find your iPod?

Comments

xStiina 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:15

nasty...

ploints 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:22

Oh god. *grimace*

brootalxkeni 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:23

those damn ipods

IcyJack 7

Tuesday 16 November 2010 10:23

Zunes: "They're taking our saaaongs!"

ICabooseI 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:23

I see what you did there!vewy cwevah.

beanstar11 5

Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:24

:( ouch

ICabooseI 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:25

someone is terrible at Five Finger Fillet!

Quyzl 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:28

I think I just died a little at how much I appreciated that pun.

chelle_starlight 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:32

you left out the most important part, op...you know, the part where you say that your iPod was in your backpack or purse the whole time...

MrsLender_fml 3

Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:35

halo? (:

MrsLender_fml 3

Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:38

I was trying to respond to #5 and it posted it here for some reason .

blaze_1492 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 9:38

Let this be a life lesson...knives stay in pockets Couch cushions are for hiding "magazines" and articles of clothing that belong to other women

IcyJack 7

Tuesday 16 November 2010 10:21

Couches are also good for bananas. People give me funny looks when I put bananas in my pockets.

Keywords

Love Awkward Students Relatable Work Racism Health Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Revenge Animals Cats Boredom Management Parenting Kids Sexism Parents Miscellaneous Weird Job interview Facebook Jealousy

The Top

Today, I found out the person that I’ve been casually seeing has decided he wants to live with me. I found this out when I asked him to go home after two weeks sleeping over, and he told me he'd already moved out of his mom’s. I sublet a single bedroom and have barely enough room for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 145

Today, I took a girl on a date. This girl is tiny, about 4 ft 10 and petite. She ordered a 16 inch pizza, garlic bread, wings, fries, and multiple drinks, and damn if she didn’t eat every bite of it, it was impressive. Until we were screwing later and she vomited the whole meal down my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 166

The Top

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 401

You deserved it 5 958

Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 288

You deserved it 7 600

Today, my landlady gave me exactly one day to move out. I'm not even in the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 966

You deserved it 156

Today, a police officer pulled me over. He asked me where I was headed, so I jokingly replied, "Probably to jail after you run my name". He laughed and took my information, only to then arrest me for unpaid parking tickets I never received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 124

You deserved it 8 467

Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual "type". I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said "Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 862

You deserved it 11 898

Today, the police stopped me for "driving irresponsibly" in the snowy conditions. After the 'lecture', they went to pull off in their Ford Focus Estate. Managing to go forward, they then hit a patch of ice and slid back. Instead of breaking or turning, they let it slide back into the front of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 957

You deserved it 2 300

Same thing different taste

Hangry DVD

Let it bleed

Locked and loaded

Top comments

Comments