Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message....

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 06:34 - Netherlands

Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

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Love

Who's a good boy?

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Assumptions

By kebaby - 19/6/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

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By ohdang - 1/3/2012 17:12 - United States

Today, my therapist clapped for me when I told her I'd made a friend. FML

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By sad_panda - 26/6/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2010 15:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to a man stroking my leg while smelling my hair. I asked my roommate who he was and she said, "Oh, that's just my brother. He needs a place to stay and he will be living with us until June. Didn't I tell you that?" No, you didn't. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 20:47 - Canada

Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

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By SunshineX7 - 9/10/2013 04:22 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got so self-conscious about weight gain that I got paranoid about how much my Castle Crashers character was eating to heal. FML

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By Hareega - 19/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, I took my first day off in 3 weeks just so I can sleep in. The office secretary woke me up at 7.12 am with a page wishing me a nice day off. FML

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By tittyboomboom - 24/3/2016 13:16 - Australia

Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2016 12:29 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my friend invited me to his boxing club for the first time. Since I'm somewhat short and scrawny-looking, he was worried that the workout would be too difficult for me. I waved him off and told him that I was tougher than I looked. Five minutes into class, I sprained my ankle. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

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By knews - 18/3/2010 04:46 - United States

Today, my mom sent me beautiful candlesticks along with some half burned candles. I thanked her. She told me the candlesticks were a wedding gift to my grandmother 85 years ago. Then she said the candles were used at my grandma's wedding. I had already lit them. FML

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By dumb - 3/8/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2019 16:00

Today, I found our that my crazy ex, who, after our break up, said to me, "I'm setting my life to make yours hell" has befriended my current girlfriend. FML

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By yum. - 10/4/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I went out to eat with some friends. They picked a table that wasn't big enough for all of us. I had to sit in the booth behind them. Alone. FML

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By Pusillanimous - 19/7/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

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By GrandTheftArson - 9/3/2016 03:51 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML

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By snitcheyes - 9/11/2010 16:00 - United States

Today, I was called 15 times by a "good redneck boy" that my Mom is trying to set me up with. He has called me at least 5 times a day for the past week. My Mom is still encouraging him to call. I had to unplug the phone because I feel stalked in my own dorm. FML

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By singlelady - 26/1/2016 22:24 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, to avoid disappointing my excited great grandmother, I still attended a small family dinner to celebrate my engagement. My fiancé and I split last night, I haven't slept and had to tell her he was caught up at work. FML

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By Ohdear - 16/6/2019 15:08 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was holding the ladder while my husband was in the attic, and I let out a silent fart, thinking he wouldn't notice. A minute later, he complained of the dreadful smell and told me he was checking for a dead animal. FML

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By feeling dusty - 11/3/2018 06:00

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex for the first time in months. We wanted to spice things up by using chocolate sauce during a blowjob, but the chocolate glued his foreskin to his penis and he cried. Safe to say the dry spell continues. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters were in the alphabet. Guess who was right. FML

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By Mack - 31/8/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2015 10:51 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML

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By Noalixah - 27/10/2008 02:22 - Finland

Today, in the early hours of the morning, a worker started drilling the road right in front of my window. He stopped 5 minutes before my alarm clock rang. FML

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By Inthedumps - 23/7/2014 00:51 - United States - Jerseyville

Today, my boss is still refusing to hire any more people because he's convinced I can handle all of the work after the majority of staff quit. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2013 18:07 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

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By esb - 13/8/2009 15:23 - Canada

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

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By Maju - 31/10/2019 04:00 - Netherlands

Dumb, but relatable

Today, I hit my toe against a table. Out of frustration, I kicked the table and broke my little toe. FML

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By NickDrakeFan - 29/10/2013 01:57 - United States

Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML

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By Iamfurios - 12/12/2016 18:43

Today one of my flatmates told the rest of us to stop using the toilet after 10pm cause he's a light sleeper and the flushing noise wakes him up. After arguing about it, he gave us his 'permission' to use the toilet, but only if we don't flush until the next day. Guess who is always the first to wake up? FML

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By nofatchicks - 12/5/2014 23:49 - United States - Tampa

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

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By mommy - 23/6/2019 02:27

Today, I’ve been violently ill with diarrhea, and have been for past three days. I finally discovered why. It's because I ate a piece of candy off the recently-cleaned floor last week. My immune system is so weak, it can’t respect the 5-second rule. FML

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By Hopelesslover - 4/8/2009 21:03 - Malta

Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm. While doing so she was lying on her back. I asked her: "How do you like that, baby?". She responded by asking where I bought the false ceiling and spotlights as she thought it would look good in her flat. She got bored instead of excited. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2014 11:49 - Netherlands - Vlissingen

Today, I had to take the train from my hometown to my university for a very important meeting concerning my foreign exchange program. When I finally arrived, I noticed a Post-it on the door: "Meeting cancelled, sick". I basically made a 9-hour day-trip for a half-an-hour walk. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2019 02:12 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I got a targeted YouTube ad that was intended for someone who owns a graveyard plot. Glad to know my watching habits match those of an undertaker's. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2018 06:00

Today, I secretly turned off the internet to see what my kids would do. Barely 10 minutes later, I caught my oldest son masturbating to a photo of my sister in a bikini because, as he put it, "A man has needs and the internet's fucked." FML

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By fuck my goddamn life - 15/2/2014 20:51 - United States

Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML

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By tawnaciousd - 10/9/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML

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By CollegeKid - 27/10/2015 10:28 - United States - Urbana

Today, I found out all six classes I'm taking have finals on the same day. This is my first semester in college. FML

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By lovingpsychosis - 26/5/2011 07:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML

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Top comments

By Quest_ | 13

#1710635 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 15:13

Oh my GOD.

You received a polite text message from your boyfriend that indicated he was busy at work?!

DUMP THE BASTARD
ALL MEN ARE BASTARDS

By shorncliffe | 0

#1710346 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 13:26

get over it you emotional bitch
he has a job, stop nagging him. im sick of FML's that are just boyfriends doing normal things. how about he quits his job and you pay for all his stuff then you can nag him all day long. geeez

COMMENTS

By caite0719 | 0

#1710107 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:01

That really sucks..

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1710153 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:17

build a bridge bitch

spoilt_ | 15

#1710184 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:27

agreed...you sound annoying

jweezy89 | 4

#1710746 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 15:53

It really sucks that you have to be in constant contact with your bf. I mean really, no one wants to spend every second in contact with someone. Well I guess immature brats like you do, but you are the exception.

tamiami247 | 0

#1710873 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 16:52

That's kind of rude...you cannot assume anything about the relationship since you're not in it...there are a ton of variables that are unknown, thus the equation cannot be solved. Hope you understand...loser.♥

bamagrl410 | 31

#1712582 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 5:04

Yea my boyfriend and I spend pretty much all our time together, and if not then we're texting. We have the same friends so we're either with them or by ourselves. It's not terrible to be in constant contact if you both want to be =)

Jojo08_fml | 0

#2682337 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:04

bullshit he's going to work... we alllll know why he doesn't wanna be distrbed

By lillyloco | 0

#1710119 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:04

You would think he'd be more worried about you...

whatyotalkinbout | 0

#1710178 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:25

why?

TheDrifter | 23

#1710782 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 16:05

After fifty texts or so you know she's sick and there is nothing you can do about it. Might as well get some work done, thus the message from op's bf.

By memorables | 0

#1710137 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:12

And your life sucks how? Maybe the man keeps his phone on for emergencies and can't afford ro be constantly badgered by your unemployed ass.

schwancy | 2

#1710757 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 15:58

She's not unemployed. She's home sick.

CherryBomb511 | 3

#1710939 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 17:32

She could be unemployed now because she went home sick; I've seen it happen before.

trumpetplaya | 8

#6071888 - Tuesday 23 September 2014 3:12

We see who you are. Probably never gonna get a boy/girlfriend. I mean. You do realize guys can be nice.

By missL1z | 5

#1710139 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:12

Thank God I'm not alone! FYL n FML too!

By FYLDeep | 25

#1710165 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:21

So don't disturb him... Better yet, make him a sammich.

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#1710186 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:28

stage five clinger alert

By smokeymcpottt | 3

#1710203 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:32

Give him a BJ... It solves everything.

allmidnighteyes | 10

#1710214 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:37

Yeah, and sneeze all over his penis.

BloodyHeel | 8

#1710222 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:40

Or bite, whatever.

FatElie | 0

#2492338 - Wednesday 11 May 2011 7:49

I personally like a light grazing

By Gloritank | 8

#1710205 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:32

Hes at work of course you shouldn't disturb him, unless you want him to lose his job.

By ilovejeland | 0

#1710216 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:40

inconsiderate bastard.... fyl and dump that douche!

ComMed1 | 0

#1710233 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:48

yeah bc she won't leave him alone while he is working? bitch deserves it

allmidnighteyes | 10

#1710329 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 13:21

You seem like one of those people who would go home and post "S[HE] BE[LIE]VE[D]" as a Facebook status if the guy she was dating for 3 days sent a text like that to her.

By TheCookehMonstet | 0

#1710242 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:51

This means that the boyfriend is cheating. Going to work, do not disturb. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?!?!?