Love: Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message....

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 06:34 - Netherlands

Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 016

You deserved it 5 970

Love

Hiding from the drama

Own it

Batman

By PulledOver - 01/06/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 945

You deserved it 54 724

By French - 04/05/2011 17:29 - Switzerland

Today, my boss told me I'm not working hard enough because I take French classes two mornings a week and therefore I won't be getting a promotion. If I want the promotion I have to stop taking my French classes. These are the same French classes I was told I originally needed for the promotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 923

You deserved it 2 970

Brotherly love

By Anonymous - 07/10/2021 11:00

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex with the girl from next door, whom I’ve been in love with for years, but alas she isn’t a lesbian. She’s entitled to date whoever she likes, but my brother knows how I feel about her and seduced her anyway in our shared flat, which was a real douche move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 373

By no I've never asked for anal - 20/09/2015 13:44 - United States - Buffalo

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 638

You deserved it 3 712

Empathy City

By bald&ugly - 19/10/2019 02:00

Today, after losing all my hair to chemo, I finally felt brave enough to go out without a wig or a headscarf. I expected some weird looks. I didn’t expect a woman in a store to point to me and tell her daughter, “See what feminism does to women? She’ll never have a husband, I bet!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 127

By apparentlyunattractive - 07/06/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, someone left a note on my car, saying "You're gorgeous. Call me. #######." I called the number and they said they saw me in the store I was in, telling me "You were the ONLY attractive person in there." We decided to meet up. He walks over, I say hi, he says "I think I put my number on the wrong car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 926

You deserved it 7 425

By Anonymous - 05/10/2014 19:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 382

You deserved it 41 265

By Jackey - 05/06/2019 12:00

Today, I signed the contract for my 18th book sale. I went to school to be a serious writer. My latest book is a gay werebear story that involves male pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 998

By SingleWorker - 09/01/2010 03:45 - United States

Today, I come home for lunch. I see a sandwich on the table with a note saying "I hope we can have a healthy new relationship, Love, Carissa." I see another note from my girlfriend next to it saying "I hope you enjoy your new relationship with Carissa." Carissa is my new step mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 073

You deserved it 2 760

By foshizzle - 25/04/2012 06:46 - United States - Orlando

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 917

You deserved it 3 162

By anonymouschicka - 01/08/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, I finished doing a resume that I had spent three hours on. I e-mailed it to the business I was applying for, satisfied. I decided to look it over. The first thing I notice, I spelt my own name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 209

You deserved it 54 285

By enriquegay - 28/03/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 069

You deserved it 37 456

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 01:03 - United States

Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 615

You deserved it 7 096

By Bug5992 - 09/12/2012 22:46 - United States - Kent

Today, I was getting intimate with my current bootycall when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed" "moo-ed" and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 763

You deserved it 10 291

By annoyed - 20/02/2013 20:33 - United States - Paradise Valley

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 113

You deserved it 2 744

By mama75 - 17/03/2010 14:18 - United States

Today, I tried an herbal tea that is supposed to increase your milk supply (I'm a breastfeeding mom). Well, it worked, and it kicked in at my office, but only on one side. So when I went into the bathroom, I noticed I had one boob WAY higher and bigger than the other. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 186

You deserved it 5 095

Gobble gobble

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 00:01

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't take drugs from strangers. I'm 35 and he's 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 118

Professional.

By Anonymous - 23/06/2018 19:00

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for racism after I refused to hire a black woman. I didn't hire her because she came to the interview wearing what was basically a bikini and she was covered in tattoos depicting lewd sex acts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 367

You deserved it 285

By Anonymous - 04/08/2010 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 292

You deserved it 7 921

By kirstiexoxo - 07/02/2012 08:11 - United States

Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M and M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 481

You deserved it 4 018

By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 05:10 - Canada

Today, I learned that you can be qualified for a position, be a nice person and enthusiastic about working, but as soon as the boss has a relative looking for a job, nepotism wins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 353

You deserved it 2 771

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 14:01

Today, I poured myself a glass of Coke from the bottle in the fridge. While drinking it, I saw tiny pieces floating in it. Apparently, my boyfriend had drunk straight from the bottle in the morning, felt sick and threw up. He then put the bottle back in the fridge. I just drank my boyfriend's vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 110

By sigh - 16/04/2012 03:10 - United States - Medford

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 212

You deserved it 3 575

By Anonymous - 15/08/2014 15:22 - China - Shanghai

Today, my husband wanted me to take a sleeping pill before having sex with me. Apparently I'm better in bed while half-asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 083

You deserved it 6 454

Mommy's favorite flower

By Ouch - 10/10/2019 02:00 - Serbia

Today, I learned how it feels when you fall off a second floor balcony with mom's flower pot then landing on your back. My mom got pissed because of her beloved flowers, and gave me a lecture while I rolled on the ground in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 243

By Enni - 27/08/2016 08:47

Today, my husband told me that, "a girl's orgasm serves no purpose". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 605

You deserved it 1 512

By bucktooth - 26/04/2012 23:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while enjoying breakfast, my teeth took a chunk out of my cheek. This happens regularly, even when I'm talking. Both my doctor and dentist have no idea why, and I'm in utter agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 377

You deserved it 2 644

By Garcia2284 - 13/09/2018 13:00

Today, I asked a customer three times before he saw the doctor if he had any medical insurance and he replied "no" each time. Paying his bill out of pocket, this dude had the nerve to ask, "So why didn't my medical insurance cover this?" He had coverage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 893

You deserved it 140

By readytoamputatemyfeet - 30/06/2013 23:00 - United States - Winter Springs

Today, my shoe fell apart a few minutes after I got to work. I called my boyfriend and asked him to bring me the "pretty black pair" in my closet. What did he bring? Black stilettos. I'm a waitress with an eight hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 414

You deserved it 32 009

By Anonymous - 28/12/2016 01:28

Today, I attempted to score with a previous friend-with-benefits by sending her a photo of my Christmas present, bondage rope. She arrived an hour later in a mad panic. She thought I was going to hang myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 911

You deserved it 3 047

Or does he?

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 00:30

Today, I read a message from someone on Instagram asking if I wanted to "hook up with a nice guy sometime." It was my uncle – he doesn't recognize his own family before messaging them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 47

By Blondie - 05/05/2011 20:01 - Lebanon

Today, I was trying to convince a friend that even though I'm blonde, I'm not the oblivious or stupid moron everyone apparently thinks I am. Then I smacked face-first into a glass door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 018

You deserved it 31 581

By :| - 12/09/2013 22:27 - Sweden - V?llingby

Today, I realized that what I thought for years was my country's National Anthem, is actually the theme song of a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 143

You deserved it 57 558

By Anonymous - 09/11/2013 05:17 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I went on what I thought was a date. After a wonderful night with a perfect gentleman, he told me how excited he is that he's moving in with his girlfriend next week, and thanked me for reassuring him that he doesn't want anyone but her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 251

You deserved it 3 904

By radioactiveglowinthedarkthing - 10/10/2011 19:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my friend with me for a radiology scan. While I was getting injections, my friend muttered, "On the bright side, if you die, you'll glow in the dark at the funeral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 105

You deserved it 3 568

By Username - 03/08/2011 03:33 - United States

Today, I quit smoking. It seems that when you don't smoke for almost 24 hours, your sense of smell comes back. I then noticed how disgusting my apartment smells. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 780

You deserved it 51 904

By Anonymous - 22/07/2019 18:00

Today, while on a beach with my 3 year-long boyfriend, I went on his phone to find a restaurant I'd sent him on Instagram. Instead, I found countless messages to other women, trying to slide into their DMs. Needless to say, everyone on that beach got a free show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 827

You deserved it 207

By clip_kate - 01/07/2016 02:36

Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 137

You deserved it 1 365

By Jjh99q - 03/10/2017 22:30 - United States

Today, I stayed until 11 PM washing, wiping, and mopping up the entire restaurant. I forgot to clock in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 388

You deserved it 654

All in the family

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 02:02

Today, I found out my boyfriend of a year is actually my cousin. Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 79

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Top comments

Quest_ 13

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 15:13

Oh my GOD. You received a polite text message from your boyfriend that indicated he was busy at work?! DUMP THE BASTARD ALL MEN ARE BASTARDS

shorncliffe 0

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 13:26

get over it you emotional bitch he has a job, stop nagging him. im sick of FML's that are just boyfriends doing normal things. how about he quits his job and you pay for all his stuff then you can nag him all day long. geeez

caite0719 0

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:01

That really sucks..

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:17

build a bridge bitch

spoilt_ 15

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:27

agreed...you sound annoying

jweezy89 4

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 15:53

It really sucks that you have to be in constant contact with your bf. I mean really, no one wants to spend every second in contact with someone. Well I guess immature brats like you do, but you are the exception.

tamiami247 0

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 16:52

That's kind of rude...you cannot assume anything about the relationship since you're not in it...there are a ton of variables that are unknown, thus the equation cannot be solved. Hope you understand...loser.♥

bamagrl410 31

Wednesday 17 November 2010 5:04

Yea my boyfriend and I spend pretty much all our time together, and if not then we're texting. We have the same friends so we're either with them or by ourselves. It's not terrible to be in constant contact if you both want to be =)

Jojo08_fml 0

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Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:04

bullshit he's going to work... we alllll know why he doesn't wanna be distrbed

lillyloco 0

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:04

You would think he'd be more worried about you...

whatyotalkinbout 0

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:25

why?

TheDrifter 23

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 16:05

After fifty texts or so you know she's sick and there is nothing you can do about it. Might as well get some work done, thus the message from op's bf.

memorables 0

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:12

And your life sucks how? Maybe the man keeps his phone on for emergencies and can't afford ro be constantly badgered by your unemployed ass.

schwancy 2

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 15:58

She's not unemployed. She's home sick.

CherryBomb511 3

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 17:32

She could be unemployed now because she went home sick; I've seen it happen before.

trumpetplaya 8

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 3:12

We see who you are. Probably never gonna get a boy/girlfriend. I mean. You do realize guys can be nice.

missL1z 5

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:12

Thank God I'm not alone! FYL n FML too!

FYLDeep 25

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:21

So don't disturb him... Better yet, make him a sammich.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:28

stage five clinger alert

smokeymcpottt 3

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:32

Give him a BJ... It solves everything.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:37

Yeah, and sneeze all over his penis.

BloodyHeel 8

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:40

Or bite, whatever.

FatElie 0

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Wednesday 11 May 2011 7:49

I personally like a light grazing

Gloritank 8

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:32

Hes at work of course you shouldn't disturb him, unless you want him to lose his job.

ilovejeland 0

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:40

inconsiderate bastard.... fyl and dump that douche!

ComMed1 0

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 12:48

yeah bc she won't leave him alone while he is working? bitch deserves it

allmidnighteyes 10

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 13:21

You seem like one of those people who would go home and post "S[HE] BE[LIE]VE[D]" as a Facebook status if the guy she was dating for 3 days sent a text like that to her.