Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my iPod dropped out of my pocket while I was walking. Trying to be cool, I attempted to kick it back into the air to catch it before it hit the ground. Upon making contact with my foot, It ended up detaching from my headphones and flying 10 feet. Right into a sewer grate. FML
Today, I found out that my old DVD player had stopped reading my DVDs. I had the dumb idea to stick my finger in there to see what the problem was. I found the problem, which was that my fingernail wasn't on my finger after doing that. FML
Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML
Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML
Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML
Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML
Today, I started some laundry late at night. Once my clothes were in the washer for about a half hour, I got bored and I decided I would listen to my iPod. After looking for it for another 15 minutes, I remembered where I'd left it; in my jacket... which is now nice and clean. FML
Today, I found my daughter's brand new ipod touch. At the bottom of the washing machine. FML
Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML
Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML
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Top comments
Porschephile 0
What else would you use to find things between couch cushions? Toes?
DefineAlrep 9
so did you ever find your iPod?
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Comments (101)
mshooter 0
Sorry but the above puns just ain't cuttin' it.
LaurenCMcCoy 17
What an odd place to find a knife.
dabomblyktiktikk 0
really? i would have thought u found it with your shoulder.
Delorean_Fanatic 0
Ooh, that sucks...though it makes me wonder what the knife was doing there...
vikingdood 1
I don't mean to alarm you # 25, but a utility knife uses a razor blade, it's like a box cutter, but instead of one long blade, with snap-away parts, it has removable razor blades.
MelissaMae 0
who has that kind of shit in their couch cushions?
Wellthatsucks14 4
wow pay more attention next time!
xxXMaxXxx 3
how did that feel?
OnlyHorses 6
Better on your wrist
fuzzybear14 0
did u get ur tetnis shot?