Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be...

By Kirta - 9/11/2009 15:18 - Canada

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

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Animals

Understandable

Gas giant

A beautiful truck decoration

By Anonymous - 2/11/2014 06:30 - United States - River Falls

Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML

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By Eternal_Babyface - 8/11/2015 17:14 - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend and bemoaning the fact that my new coworkers keep mixing up my gender. She looked at me critically and said, "Yeah, until you can grow a decent beard, people are going to keep thinking you're an intern or a butch lesbian." FML

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By holy - 21/10/2009 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

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By pissed off - 17/5/2014 00:33 - United States - Brentwood

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2018 06:00

Today, my new bikini must be cheap as shit because I tanned nicely where I put on sunscreen, but where I didn’t apply it under the bikini I’ve gotten super red sunburn on my butt, my lady bits, and my boobs. My nipples look like the ends of red felt tip pens. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2019 06:02

Today, I wasn't allowed to fly. Again. Yesterday my flight was overbooked. Today I didn't have the yellow fever vaccine. Not once was this requirement mentioned. Nobody would believe me. Luckily, it turned out that this requirement did not apply to me. They realised this after the plane left. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 00:25 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, at work, I took an order from a stuck-up sounding lady over the phone. She said her last name was "duckling, but with an F". Bemused, I wrote her name on the order. When she arrived to pick it up later, she told me she'd said "s", not "f". FML

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By garfwebba - 3/1/2010 01:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2010 06:28 - United States

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2016 10:33 - United States - Antioch

Today, my girlfriend furiously bitched me out because I got more upset about my phone screen cracking than when she told me about the death of her cat. We hadn't even met when her cat died. Did she expect me to burst into tears from hearing the story? Guess who's single again! FML

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By not on life, that's for fucking sure - 25/10/2014 18:27 - United States

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

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By Diana - 13/8/2010 01:06 - United States

Today, I was showing my three year-old that going down the deck steps are perfectly safe. At the top, I tripped on my shoe and fell head first down every step. I now have five stitches and a three year old who won't go anywhere near the deck. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2013 21:49 - Canada - Drumheller

Today, while arguing with my newly ex-girlfriend over how she cheated on me with a mutual friend, she tried to wash her hands of any guilt, saying that I was "selfish" and "just slut-shaming, really". FML

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By JK710 - 23/6/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I discovered that the hearing in my left ear is still good. I haven't been able to hear that well out of it for 2 weeks and I thought I popped an eardrum and waited for it to heal. I stuck a Q-Tip in there to clean it out. Turns out there was actually a dead fly in my ear. For 2 weeks. FML

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By Jules7594 - 12/6/2015 13:02 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, an ultrasound tech complimented me on my "exceptionally full bladder". That's probably the best compliment I've received this week. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 00:52 - United States

Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML

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By neverakid - 14/4/2012 01:01 - United States

Today, I surprised my daughter by telling her that I'm going to treat the family to a trip to the Himalayas in a few months. She promptly threw a tantrum and listed her main reasons for not wanting us to go: "It's a freaking desert there," and, "I'll miss the new Spiderman movie." FML

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By Rabzouz - 20/12/2008 08:16 - France

Today, I opened a packet of cereal and it exploded on my keyboard; now, my keyboard crackles. FML

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By Ugh - 13/12/2016 14:39

Today, at my work in a self-service chinese restaurant, a lady came up to me, pointed to the plate she loaded with honey king prawns, and yelled at me because she was allergic to seafood. She demanded a refund and another plate. Everything is clearly labeled. FML

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By j - 18/4/2016 22:24 - United States

Today, my wife told me alcohol gives me "increased confidence without increased ability." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2020 14:00

The Taste of Love

Today, I was watching a romantic comedy at my boyfriend's house. During the make out scene, I decided to go in for a kiss. He apparently decided to belch at the same time. I could taste it. FML

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By Steve - 16/12/2012 06:25 - United States - Oshkosh

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2016 21:03 - United States - Newport

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

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By hawaiianlovechild - 29/11/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football. I cheered when Hawaii won. My dad turns to me and says, "You know your mother and I concieved you there?" Thanks Dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:37 - Australia

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

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By anahira6 - 27/9/2013 19:41 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss' son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML

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By errints234234 - 13/5/2010 23:31 - United States

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

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By Cockroachphobic - 4/4/2020 14:00

Creepy crawlies

Today, I found out that the small bugs I've been blowing off my pillow all year are in fact baby cockroaches. I discover this when I found two full grown ones crawling around and decided to Google it. FML

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By arw - 25/7/2012 06:10 - United States

Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML

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By anon - 27/7/2015 04:43 - United States

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

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By AW - 10/1/2011 12:48

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

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By Sam - 15/7/2013 05:14 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I had to turn down an invitation to one of my best friend's birthday party because I had been scheduled to work. Little did I know that my job on that day would be setting up the tents, tables, and chairs for that very birthday party. FML

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By bathroomseww - 12/5/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

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By mypelvishurts - 23/2/2013 07:32 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

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By Laura - 30/11/2010 03:03

Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML

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By wow, thanks - 18/8/2012 00:39 - United States - Seattle

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

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By wasted_life - 18/1/2009 03:44 - United States

Today, I got demoted at my job. Instead of working with patients, they want me to file. The thing is, I'm a volunteer; I work for them for free. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2019 20:00

Head, meet wall

Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML

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By Actrent - 25/12/2016 07:00

Today, the first gift I opened was from my uncle. It was $80 in clothes that I'd bought for myself a week earlier. FML

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By cherrycokeee - 6/2/2010 18:29 - France

Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML

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Top comments

By blastvortex | 3

#663686 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 6:48

Until now, I wasn't aware that people under the age of nine submitted FMLs.

By jonny2x4 | 0

#663499 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 3:38

(in Horatio Caine voice) "Well it seems the poo...(quickly puts on shades)... is on YOU".

...YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHH......

COMMENTS

By nittien | 0

#662743 - Monday 9 November 2009 20:21

retard :P YDI

Unregistered | 0

#662979 - Monday 9 November 2009 22:43

whats the diffrence between a black guy and a piece of shit?

jazzy1432 | 0

#662994 - Monday 9 November 2009 22:50

What the fuck is wrong wth you? Totally unneccessary comment, asshole.

Unregistered | 0

#663004 - Monday 9 November 2009 22:53

nothing.

Oh wait thats offensive to the piece of shit nvm

Anteezy | 7

#663023 - Monday 9 November 2009 23:05

wow you're so funny man i bet the kids you had with your sister really love you!

Crlnprz | 11

#663281 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 1:44

WTF y she deserve it wtf is wrong with u people "oh u deserve it becuz ur a retard" .. -.-

crazytoaster | 2

#663777 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 8:56

YDI for trying so hard to hang on to your childhood and refusing to get on with the rest of your life.

Flutist | 3

#663889 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 10:26

Unregistered, I can see your future. You are going to be the stupid racist prick who gets shot at, then claims it wasn't your fault that "those people" can't take a joke. Then you will go to prison with the KKK and be anal raped by some big guy named Butch. Have fun being someone's bitch.

What's the difference between a black hole and Unregistered's ass? The black hole is slightly smaller.

UnluckyAsUsual | 0

#664051 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 13:54

The piece of shit are a lot more smaller, and it is remains of anything you eat. A black guy is a person with all the human rights that anyone else got.

fl0ffy | 0

#2191495 - Thursday 17 March 2011 2:31

y would u say that how mean now I want to kick ur ugly face

jamieleigh_315 | 0

#2584455 - Sunday 29 May 2011 21:55

jazzy1432 stop being a dick I found the comment funny u retard! (:

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#662744 - Monday 9 November 2009 20:21

pwnt

By fuckingshitt343 | 0

#662749 - Monday 9 November 2009 20:22

dude, fuck your life. that happened to me when i was like 8. it sucked. though i didn't really roll around in it. i just got it on my pant leg.

By perdix | 29

#662764 - Monday 9 November 2009 20:29

Next time you ought to save yourself the effort of raking up the leaves and just roll around in the dogshit directly.

If you think you smelled "funny" this time, wait until you realize how hilarious you'll smell if you jumped straight on a steaming pile of Fido's doo-doo!