Animals: Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 37

09/11/2009 15:18

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 384

You deserved it 38 035

Broken heart

Leave us alone

Does this smell weird?

27/09/2014 02:46

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 031

You deserved it 3 492

20/07/2009 20:05

Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time. I sat in the back, which was a bad idea. When it ended everyone in front of me turned around and stared. When I asked my friend what was going on, she said I had been screaming the Lord's Prayer the whole time. I hadn't even noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 530

You deserved it 26 887

23/10/2013 04:43

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I learned that my favorite book series is coming to the end. I had to leave the store and sit in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 113

You deserved it 9 029

16/01/2009 19:38

Today, my dog found my marijuana pipe and the bag it was in and brought it to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 525

You deserved it 40 707

19/07/2009 07:25

Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 315

You deserved it 8 020

15/10/2016 05:54

Today, I discovered that yes, you CAN forget how to ride a bike. Too bad I discovered this in front of all my son's friends and their parents while at his birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 953

You deserved it 1 404

03/11/2015 03:55

Today, I figured out why my 'best friend' hasn't talked to me in weeks. She assumed an FML post she read was about her. It was posted in 2009. I met her last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 853

You deserved it 1 735

24/09/2016 04:48

Today, after 3 weeks of my new job, I'm already having work-related dreams. I'm having troubles differentiating between the 8 hour shifts in real life and the 8 hour shifts in my dream. I'm doubly exhausted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 077

You deserved it 1 031

30/05/2013 01:53

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 233

You deserved it 9 808

Nice victim blaming!

By fuckyoutoothen! - 22/07/2020 08:02

Spicy

Today, I showed my friend all the dirty messages and dick pics her boyfriend had sent me. I included the ones of me telling him to stop. Instead of being mad at him, she flipped out on me, saying it’s my fault because I “dress too sexy” and he shouldn’t even have my number. He got it from her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 369

You deserved it 162

31/08/2019 04:00

Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a haircut. When I asked her if she tipped the hairdresser, she looked at me in horror and asked, "You’re supposed to tip hairdressers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 628

05/07/2011 16:41

Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 446

You deserved it 4 934

30/07/2012 22:21

Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 119

You deserved it 31 946

03/09/2013 06:31

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 423

You deserved it 12 075

01/05/2012 05:14

Today, I got some spam stating that I'd have no love life in the coming 10 years if I didn't reply to it. So, no different to the last 10 years then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 409

You deserved it 2 875

30/06/2009 14:45

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 104

You deserved it 7 311

02/06/2011 18:43

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 034

You deserved it 5 928

Economy class

By Anonymous - 09/10/2019 02:01

Today, my wife and I moved into our new place. I'm recovering from back surgery and out of work. To help make up the rent, her boyfriend moved in too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 951

You deserved it 379

05/02/2010 06:25

Today, one of my friends pointed out I'm starting to get a mustache! - "You're finally a man!" To bad it's my 15th birthday, and I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 116

You deserved it 3 562

26/02/2012 13:53

Today, I gave my little brother my iPhone so he could play a game. I soon forgot about it, and when I got it back two hours later, there was pudding and a couple of big cracks in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 059

You deserved it 30 796

05/07/2014 17:53

Spicy

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say, "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 730

You deserved it 7 871

11/09/2018 18:30

Today, I spilled my guts out to my fiancé about some insecurities I've been having. I then turned to look at him through tears at his expressionless face as he texted someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 119

You deserved it 301

15/08/2016 03:35

Today, I received a birthday card from my dad, over a week late. It was addressed to me using my maiden name, the enclosed check also made out to me using my maiden name. I've been married for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 142

You deserved it 1 542

27/08/2009 15:53

Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 654

You deserved it 5 222

09/08/2011 21:21

Spicy

Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 566

You deserved it 8 050

29/05/2015 04:19

Today, I was out shopping with my little sister. I wanted to try something on, so I put my bag in front of a changing room and jokingly told her to bark if someone came near. She ended up biting a lady who was trying to get into one of the changing rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 128

You deserved it 5 460

26/09/2012 18:46

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 391

You deserved it 3 359

27/02/2013 04:50

Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 193

You deserved it 4 294

13/12/2011 14:00

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 053

You deserved it 3 116

11/06/2013 12:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 617

You deserved it 7 712

11/05/2014 20:30

Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 269

You deserved it 4 185

20/06/2018 20:30

Today, since my dad decided he's tired of not being completely comfortable in his own home, he now wears only a knee-length robe without underwear so he can "really enjoy the breeze". I've seen more balls in a few days than a pro baseball player does his entire career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 742

You deserved it 389

18/05/2009 23:20

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our livingroom wall with a painted one. Of our German Sheperd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 648

You deserved it 3 596

10/08/2009 20:47

Today, I came home early from business trip in Paris, I bought an engagement ring. I was going to take my girlfriend of 2 years out and propose to her. I sneak into my house as a surprise and she's having it off with another man. Now I have a ring that I can only return in France. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 173

You deserved it 4 141

07/02/2009 20:42

Today, my mom was telling me a funny story about when I was young. So I said 'yeah I was funny huh?' She replied 'Yep, I had a funny one and a pretty one'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 493

You deserved it 2 627

Two states of matter

By Anonymous - 15/09/2020 05:02

Today, I learned that is it possible to be constipated and have diarrhea at the same time. You run to the toilet every half-hour, but almost nothing comes out and you feel so bloated you could burst, while eating almost nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 124

22/08/2018 03:30

Today, after being kicked out of my racist family, my boyfriend and I moved across the country to rent an apartment with my sister. My mother hates us so much she offered to buy my sister a new car to not take us in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 241

You deserved it 513

Hypocrite move

By ayeyieyie - 26/10/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend of eight happy months suddenly broke up with me via text. He'd always insisted that texts were too impersonal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 121

11/09/2016 07:27

Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 130

You deserved it 1 675

09/01/2010 05:58

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 173

You deserved it 44 291

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Tuesday 10 November 2009 6:48

Until now, I wasn't aware that people under the age of nine submitted FMLs.

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Tuesday 10 November 2009 3:38

(in Horatio Caine voice) "Well it seems the poo...(quickly puts on shades)... is on YOU". ...YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHH......

Comments

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Monday 9 November 2009 20:21

retard :P YDI

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Monday 9 November 2009 22:43

whats the diffrence between a black guy and a piece of shit?

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Monday 9 November 2009 22:50

What the fuck is wrong wth you? Totally unneccessary comment, asshole.

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Monday 9 November 2009 22:53

nothing. Oh wait thats offensive to the piece of shit nvm

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Monday 9 November 2009 23:05

wow you're so funny man i bet the kids you had with your sister really love you!

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Tuesday 10 November 2009 1:44

WTF y she deserve it wtf is wrong with u people "oh u deserve it becuz ur a retard" .. -.-

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Tuesday 10 November 2009 8:56

YDI for trying so hard to hang on to your childhood and refusing to get on with the rest of your life.

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Tuesday 10 November 2009 10:26

Unregistered, I can see your future. You are going to be the stupid racist prick who gets shot at, then claims it wasn't your fault that "those people" can't take a joke. Then you will go to prison with the KKK and be anal raped by some big guy named Butch. Have fun being someone's bitch. What's the difference between a black hole and Unregistered's ass? The black hole is slightly smaller.

UnluckyAsUsual 0

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Tuesday 10 November 2009 13:54

The piece of shit are a lot more smaller, and it is remains of anything you eat. A black guy is a person with all the human rights that anyone else got.

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Thursday 17 March 2011 2:31

y would u say that how mean now I want to kick ur ugly face

jamieleigh_315 0

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Sunday 29 May 2011 21:55

jazzy1432 stop being a dick I found the comment funny u retard! (:

allmidnighteyes 10

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Monday 9 November 2009 20:21

pwnt

fuckingshitt343 0

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Monday 9 November 2009 20:22

dude, fuck your life. that happened to me when i was like 8. it sucked. though i didn't really roll around in it. i just got it on my pant leg.

perdix 29

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Monday 9 November 2009 20:29

Next time you ought to save yourself the effort of raking up the leaves and just roll around in the dogshit directly. If you think you smelled "funny" this time, wait until you realize how hilarious you'll smell if you jumped straight on a steaming pile of Fido's doo-doo!

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Monday 9 November 2009 20:50

It happens!

Pretty_Tied_Up_fml 0

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Monday 9 November 2009 21:00

Ugh, I've done this before. FYL indeed.

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Monday 9 November 2009 21:05

FYL not for rolling in dog shit but for thinking rolling around in leaves would be fun

THAT_ONE_PUNKER 0

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Monday 9 November 2009 21:08

now that sucks

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Monday 9 November 2009 21:15

Hey Chbolnik, come here --- look like dog shit to me...

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Monday 9 November 2009 21:30

pussy