Love: Today, I noticed that my wife changed her status on Facebook...

By Alex - United States

Today, I noticed that my wife changed her status on Facebook to "widow" and a lot of strange guys commented saying stuff like "Finally." Last I checked, I'm not dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47426

You deserved it

3246

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Love

Late term

Dementia or hate? You decide

Dicks aplenty!

By Anonymous

BFF

Today, I just found out my best friend is a hooker. I just thought she worked nights and had terrible taste in clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1675

You deserved it

412

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By DennisQuaide69

The date from hell #5676

Today, I went on an a date with a guy I met online. We were waiting in line at Starbucks when he turned to me and said, "Do you want anything?" Just before I was about to answer, he practically shoved in front of me and paid for himself. The cashier looked more horrified than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5255

You deserved it

475

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By Drunk - United States

Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28093

You deserved it

6402

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By Anonymous - United States - Bend

Today, I had a feminine emergency. After scrounging up 4 quarters to use the machine in the women's bathroom, it dispensed a diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8263

You deserved it

740

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By 1942ford - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I called an airline to try to locate a bag I left on a flight. When I told the phone rep which airport I flew into, he asked me what city it was in. He paused after I told him, then asked me what state Seattle is in. I don't think I'll be getting my bag back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46049

You deserved it

3805

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By -1 Pair of Pants - United States - Westborough

Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10673

You deserved it

2653

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By jessica238 - Canada

Today, I bought a new purple shirt and decided to wear it to this charity function I was going to. I thought I looked pretty good in it. Then I got home and realized I left the sticker on. I had an "XL" sticker on my boob all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21944

You deserved it

47234

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By Sad preggo

Today, my attention-seeking sister-in-law came to my 20 week ultrasound and afterward, without my knowledge, took it upon herself to announce the gender to Facebook and call the entire family, telling them "we're having a boy" nullifying any need for the announcement I had spent 4 weeks planning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7614

You deserved it

730

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was singing the National Anthem at a school game and totally forgot the words. So I kept singing the same two lines over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16534

You deserved it

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By stickyservice - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, an angry customer threw her sticky toffee pudding at the wall and pointed out that because it didn't stick, it was not really a "sticky" toffee pudding, and that she'd been mislead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40157

You deserved it

3259

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By StillnothowIimaginedmydaygoing - United States - Radcliff

Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25084

You deserved it

2294

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By Mimo - Egypt

Today, my best friend told me she's been in love with me for over 4 years. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams in a month and she's supposed to be my bridesmaid. "Awkward" doesn't even begin to describe our friendship right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14525

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2018

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Ninja!

Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1689

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32035

You deserved it

6026

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By sleekRelease

Today, I was expecting an important delivery for a party I'm having tonight. I was in the shower when the doorbell rang. In my haste, I slipped and ended up with a bunch of little cuts and bruises. Turns out, it was someone trying to leave a note saying it would be delivered tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1662

You deserved it

160

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By Stalked - United States

Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44399

You deserved it

2725

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By Sarraahh - 19/4/2020 05:00 - Canada

Mystery

Today, my 65-year-old grandmother called and asked me to tell my boyfriend that she was flattered, but she's happily married. I have no idea what she was talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1908

You deserved it

148

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By Anonymous

A like is a like, dude

Today, the girl I have a huge crush on only likes my Instagram posts if it's a post about food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3248

You deserved it

536

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By chaos2007 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

91114

You deserved it

5094

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By frenchy - United States

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

124659

You deserved it

9133

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By Anonymous - United States - Mountain Home

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20201

You deserved it

147423

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By MegaZeo - United States - Livermore

Today, I could not decide what was sadder: the fact that I have to work on New Year's Eve, or that fact that working on New Year's Eve is still the most exciting thing I've ever done for New Year's Eve. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30613

You deserved it

3255

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Hopeless

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4951

You deserved it

298

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

168971

You deserved it

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By shoveless - United States

Today, I came home from school to find my house ransacked. The robbers shoveled a path from my back door to the driveway, through the snow, then they stole my snow-shovel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8602

You deserved it

556

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By culodegrillo - Spain

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51933

You deserved it

3262

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By Passive ass aggressor - 8/4/2021 02:00

Cranky

Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him or act bitchy about anything not his fault, he has a wank and goes to sleep rather than bother asking me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

289

You deserved it

3492

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By douchetard - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38476

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent an hour writing 80 thank you cards to everyone who attended my graduationg party. After carefully personalizing each one and sealing them shut, I realized I did not mark the envelopes with names. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18521

You deserved it

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By Jaime - United States - New York

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44244

You deserved it

6794

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By depressednupset - United States

Today, my mother told me to 'quit having a pity party'. I was just diagnosed with depression. I've lost my boyfriend, my job, my academic standing, and I just got rejected from every graduate school I applied for. And my mother thinks I'm a cry baby. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42443

You deserved it

8205

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By AR Good - United States - Hawthorne

Today, my husband is pissed off, withholding affection, and not speaking to me. Why? I don't want to have sex with random men while he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2704

You deserved it

185

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By shmelly - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45854

You deserved it

22168

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By fml9124

Et tu, Doggo?

Today, as usual, my neighbor's 9 year-old son came over after school. I work from home so he stays until his mom gets home. My dog mopes around the house until 3 p.m., then gets all excited because he has a friend to play with. I'm almost jealous because a dog I've had for 11 years likes him more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1311

You deserved it

340

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By nutcracker - Slovenia

Today, I tried to see if you can kick yourself in the nuts. You can. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7167

You deserved it

68198

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By Pratik_ra - 1/12/2020 07:58

Rolling in it

Today, I got raise at work. It's $3 per month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

807

You deserved it

104

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By KrazyKill - Canada

Today, I faked being sick so I could weasel out of a chemistry test at school. Happy that I pulled it off, I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. I forgot that I'm friends with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6979

You deserved it

74794

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By Wouldntitbeniceif - United States

Today, I went for a hike with the local search and rescue volunteer group that I recently joined. I got lost and spent 5 hours wandering aimlessly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40760

You deserved it

15010

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By Jenna Berreth

Today, being my usual clumsy self, I slipped on the stairs and landed on my tailbone. Hard. Now, I can't even sit up. I have to drive to school and sit on a very hard plastic chair for four and a half hours tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1442

You deserved it

133

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

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54843

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Top comments

By Tootsiee | 0

#1512080 - Thursday 7 October 2010 16:10

I suggest you not eat her cooking and watch her carefully

By lindsaymccue | 0

#1512076 - Thursday 7 October 2010 16:10

OP, you should hide.

COMMENTS

By blakehilli8 | 0

#1512065 - Thursday 7 October 2010 16:08

first ftw

loveyaforev | 0

#1512112 - Thursday 7 October 2010 16:13

sorry to say, but you fail. try again next time

Dodlaf_fml | 4

#1512289 - Thursday 7 October 2010 16:35

#15. you fail. so shut up.

sapphirestar | 0

#1512688 - Thursday 7 October 2010 17:42

hey #2, i like snsd too! ^^ haha

memiimariee | 0

#1513283 - Thursday 7 October 2010 20:08

#38. you win Buddy!!!

breenarae25 | 0

#1514592 - Friday 8 October 2010 2:40

ur 2 like doo doo

rozmrong | 0

#1526681 - Sunday 10 October 2010 9:52

LOL. I am sure I will be a good husband. are you single or...?

By truededication | 0

#1512070 - Thursday 7 October 2010 16:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

GhostDuck | 30

#5082061 - Thursday 25 October 2012 21:12

By hre | 0

#1512072 - Thursday 7 October 2010 16:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

xdeadxradiox | 0

#1512125 - Thursday 7 October 2010 16:14

Dude, don't say that! The other FMLers might attack you!

biass | 0

#1512244 - Thursday 7 October 2010 16:30

you badstard! how dare you moderate! idc if it is in you basic abilitys, you don't ever, EVER, moderate.

(JP)

HahaHokayThen | 10

#1512568 - Thursday 7 October 2010 17:20

HOW COULD YOU!?

squad81 | 0

#1512754 - Thursday 7 October 2010 17:53

ATTACK!

samuel18 | 0

#1512822 - Thursday 7 October 2010 18:14

WTF does moderate mean?

DocBastard | 38

#1512936 - Thursday 7 October 2010 18:43

killa, please don't speak my name in vain.

HahaHokayThen | 10

#1512955 - Thursday 7 October 2010 18:50

Actually, he said Badstard.

biass | 0

#1513311 - Thursday 7 October 2010 20:11

I am a child of the spell-check generation. though I usually get words right... anyways I apologise for almost using your name in vain. also thanks for not being an ass about my spelling error, I appriciate it.

nond2nv | 4

#1513385 - Thursday 7 October 2010 20:28

*appreciate

hehe :)

surrnam | 0

#1634659 - Monday 1 November 2010 5:10

fag

stupidmonkey80 | 0

#2717717 - Sunday 19 June 2011 21:26

lol

TheOtherMakona | 0

#2864441 - Monday 11 July 2011 3:51

19- I love your singamajig!!

cjwalsh86 | 0

#4113613 - Friday 2 March 2012 9:40

Apologize...appreciate. I think you fail.

coming back in the future | 30

#6095482 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 9:27

Moderate in moderation.

By lindsaymccue | 0

#1512076 - Thursday 7 October 2010 16:10

OP, you should hide.

biass | 0

#1512294 - Thursday 7 October 2010 16:36

dude I agree. if she put that on there and people are saying "finally", they were either planning your death or it'd be a convience to them. watch out, so you don't get into any "accidents". seriously.