Love: Today, I noticed that my wife changed her status on Facebook... - FML

By Alex - 07/10/2010 10:10 - United States

Today, I noticed that my wife changed her status on Facebook to "widow" and a lot of strange guys commented saying stuff like "Finally." Last I checked, I'm not dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 442

You deserved it 3 246

Dementia or hate? You decide

Walk on the wild side

Clean up in aisle 3 please

Still alive?

By Anonymous - 07/01/2020 01:00

Today, after finally having the guts to confess to a guy I have liked for a year now and him saying he also likes me and then asking me out, I went out of my way and traveled 4 hours to meet him. He didn't show up and never apologized. I never heard anything from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 518

You deserved it 274

By weirdlove - 23/01/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating an icecream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 549

You deserved it 7 964

By cheat - 18/10/2009 11:30 - United States

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm 'so slow a turtle could kick my ass' and that he has 'a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 065

You deserved it 37 115

By Skittlezzz0901 - 21/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, my manager said I could go on a break when he came back from his. After 7 hours with him still missing, I started to get dizzy. I ended up passing out and hitting my head on a ladder from lack of food. I woke up in the hospital to a card from my manager saying, "Get Well. Don't Sue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 460

You deserved it 566

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 17:31 - United States

Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 331

You deserved it 41 130

By fbcaught - 09/02/2010 18:52 - United States

Today, I was checking the Facebook event page to see who is attending the party I am having this weekend, since my parents are going out of town. 1 person has confirmed. My mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 731

You deserved it 38 351

By Anonymous - 07/06/2012 18:09 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had an admissions interview at my dream college. I spent hours practicing questions and picking the perfect outfit. It was not until after the interview that I realized I'd scratched a pimple while waiting, and my forehead had been smeared with blood the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 483

You deserved it 4 340

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 05:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go into the school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 651

You deserved it 3 312

By Anonymous - 20/01/2017 09:25

Today, I finally received my new computer in the mail. I was so excited, I kissed the box. The truck driver definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 996

You deserved it 2 186

By lakb - 13/12/2010 15:27

Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated for accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. I didn't realize that using Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub out a cat litter pan could be so hazardous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 523

You deserved it 25 866

By Anonymous - 14/09/2010 02:56 - United States

Today, I had a conference with my dad, my counselor, and my history and English teachers because my dad was "concerned" about my grades in those two classes. We talked for a while and it was going well, then my counselor asked what I wanted to study in college. I said I wanted to be a teacher. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 736

You deserved it 4 657

By Weirdo - 06/12/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, my family took me to a steak house. I went for an eight minute bathroom break, coming back to an empty table. They ordered dessert, and left me the bill. I'm a vegetarian, and it's my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 869

You deserved it 4 791

By Jimmy - 02/08/2019 12:00 - Australia

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a skinhead sucker-punched me in the gut, grabbed my football, and ran away, giggling like a maniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 117

By GeeTwo - 21/02/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 530

You deserved it 3 051

By yeah - 22/06/2012 03:07 - United States

Today, I entered my first professional fight as a mixed martial artist. It's been my dream to become a UFC champion one day. All I do is train and watch UFC fights all day. I was out cold in a matter of seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 710

You deserved it 27 659

By FastFoodWaiter - 03/09/2012 23:43 - United States - Saukville

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 255

You deserved it 1 936

By StaplerScared - 08/11/2011 14:39 - Canada

Today, I got mugged by a guy who was threatening me with a stapler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 193

You deserved it 8 896

Freudian slip

By MollyMadamme - 01/02/2011 00:33

Spicy

Today, I decided to wake my fiancé up by giving him a blowjob. When he finally started to wake up he called me by his ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 819

You deserved it 6 318

Class act

By Anonymous - 23/03/2020 17:23

Today, after 5 years, an engagement, and me being 5 months pregnant, my boyfriend downloaded Tinder again. 2020 is really great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 798

You deserved it 256

By Anon - 09/02/2016 12:39 - United States - Toledo

Today, I got into a car accident. The other driver was going so fast that when we hit, our cars positioned themselves to make it look like it was all my fault. He keeps blaming me for everything and the position of the cars doesn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 621

You deserved it 1 464

By Anonymous - 12/12/2013 23:25 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, my grandparents came over to visit. I'm still not sure if they came to see me or my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 377

You deserved it 3 343

By confusedcatlover - 06/04/2013 11:42 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 148

You deserved it 6 197

By scratchy - 08/12/2010 14:56 - Israel

Today, my boyfriend refused to have his hair treated against lice, because "men don't have lice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 204

You deserved it 3 834

By Corn-ed-Teeth - 30/04/2019 18:00

Today, I bit into a barbecue-ed corn cob, forgetting I had a filling on my chipped front tooth. I re-chipped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 751

By Savviecat97 - 25/07/2019 00:01

Today, I finally got to see the results of the new timesheet I made to make things simpler for both the employees and the managers. Apparently, 75% of them don't know how to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 171

Pain in the ass

By Kaganate - 09/02/2010 00:32 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the wooden edge of my coffee table watching my sister's boyfriend play Halo 2, when I leaned back to stretch and shattered the center pane of glass in the table. I now have a large gash in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 556

You deserved it 25 586

By Anonymous - 17/01/2010 00:46 - Canada

Today, I woke up at 2:30 AM. Thinking I was going to be late for my 3:30 AM flight, I rushed into the bathroom to shower. As I came out of the shower, I slipped and broke my arm. I then realized my flight is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 765

You deserved it 8 846

By Luna - 22/07/2012 02:30 - United States - Carmel

Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 607

You deserved it 3 515

By Eringobrag88 - 27/06/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 197

You deserved it 3 991

By Mark - 20/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Sparks

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 641

You deserved it 544

By Anonymous - 02/02/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my husband’s crazy ex girlfriend has not only moved to our area, but has also landed herself on his patient list. He’s a gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 402

You deserved it 362

By HHIChica - 17/09/2009 11:14 - United States

Today, while my 18 pound cat was on the edge of the tub watching me shower, he fell in. Apparently, in his mind, the best way to get away from the water is to climb my bare legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 357

You deserved it 5 812

By yeaokay - 29/10/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and I. It started with, "I love you", and ended with, "You and your brother were mistakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 062

You deserved it 2 824

By permanently scarred - 25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 782

You deserved it 238

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

By look in the mirror bitch - 10/11/2020 14:04

Today, I called someone out for her brazen homophobia. She was ranting about how gays are sinners. When I mentioned that she had three children by three different men, all out of wedlock, and was currently living with her boyfriend, also considered a sin, she reported me to HR for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 218

By Anonymous - 14/08/2014 03:02 - New Zealand

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 464

You deserved it 3 202

By EmmaG123 - 28/02/2009 05:54 - United States

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 921

You deserved it 5 076

By crippled shopper - 27/01/2013 05:23 - United States - Streamwood

Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 280

You deserved it 4 685

By afather - 14/06/2015 13:41 - United States - Worthing

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 276

You deserved it 6 502

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 00:05 - Canada

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratches on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 013

You deserved it 3 214

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:10

I suggest you not eat her cooking and watch her carefully

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:10

OP, you should hide.

Comments

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:08

first ftw

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:13

sorry to say, but you fail. try again next time

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:35

#15. you fail. so shut up.

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Thursday 7 October 2010 17:42

hey #2, i like snsd too! ^^ haha

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Thursday 7 October 2010 20:08

#38. you win Buddy!!!

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Friday 8 October 2010 2:40

ur 2 like doo doo

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:52

LOL. I am sure I will be a good husband. are you single or...?

truededication 0

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 25 October 2012 21:12

?

hre 0

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:14

Dude, don't say that! The other FMLers might attack you!

biass 0

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:30

you badstard! how dare you moderate! idc if it is in you basic abilitys, you don't ever, EVER, moderate. (JP)

HahaHokayThen 10

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Thursday 7 October 2010 17:20

HOW COULD YOU!?

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Thursday 7 October 2010 17:53

ATTACK!

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Thursday 7 October 2010 18:14

WTF does moderate mean?

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Thursday 7 October 2010 18:43

killa, please don't speak my name in vain.

HahaHokayThen 10

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Thursday 7 October 2010 18:50

Actually, he said Badstard.

biass 0

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Thursday 7 October 2010 20:11

I am a child of the spell-check generation. though I usually get words right... anyways I apologise for almost using your name in vain. also thanks for not being an ass about my spelling error, I appriciate it.

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Thursday 7 October 2010 20:28

*appreciate hehe :)

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Monday 1 November 2010 5:10

fag

stupidmonkey80 0

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Sunday 19 June 2011 21:26

lol

TheOtherMakona 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 3:51

19- I love your singamajig!!

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Friday 2 March 2012 9:40

Apologize...appreciate. I think you fail.

coming back in the future 30

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Tuesday 21 October 2014 9:27

Moderate in moderation.

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:10

OP, you should hide.

biass 0

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:36

dude I agree. if she put that on there and people are saying "finally", they were either planning your death or it'd be a convience to them. watch out, so you don't get into any "accidents". seriously.

KittehSayzRAWR 0

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Friday 8 October 2010 4:59

You are gorgeous!

EricErection69 0

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Friday 8 October 2010 5:07

5 is correct run change your name and face and move to Canada:)

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Friday 8 October 2010 6:04

161; where you talking to me?

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:10

I would look over my shoulder.. she's scheming something...

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:27

Watch your*

Schizomaniac 24

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:33

There is nothing wrong with what he said.

Schizomaniac 24

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:37

And for some reason, my comment is here. *Siiiiiigh*

TRACKGiRLJONNi 0

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Friday 8 October 2010 2:41

it's America i can say yer if I want(:

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:10

I suggest you not eat her cooking and watch her carefully

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

liiipzs0swe3t 0

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:11

that's creepy

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Thursday 7 October 2010 18:33

super creepy

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Friday 8 October 2010 6:20

you're creepy

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Monday 11 October 2010 10:04

super creepy.

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:11

she can see the FUTURE!

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:20

double tap?

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Thursday 7 October 2010 16:12

well time to go out and get yourself a newer model....

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 77

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 285