Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML
Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML
Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied, "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML
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Top comments
FrEsHpRiNcE916 0
like father like son!
buzzerbeeeeee 0
if you're old enough to have sex you should buy your own condoms. ydi.
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Comments (211)
Kanade_fml 0
His dad probably looked at his sons penis few nights before :] but probably forgot his sons size because his not the only boy he has a "close relationship" with? ZING!
Chibbbles 0
You're Dad is ******* Hilarious :D
Ludii_fml 0
YOUR* why do people hardly ever get it right? Goddammit
LadyEmptiness 0
OMG, your life sucks...
Ludii_fml 0
YOUR* goddammit did the apple ******* fall on your head
bobsanction 18
YDI for having a dad with a sense of humor.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Aw, but it's so adorable!
wowmomurcool 0
63, your so cute! lol
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Thanks. :] I like your name.
joshp406 0
this is why i use lambskin rubbers, come in 2 sizes: wooly bully and little bo peat
TOL_fml 6
Haha are you serious joshp406?! omg to funny! anyways op I find this cool in a way. Your dad was probably kidding......or just asking you with a sense of humor so he wouldn't hurt it feelings.
BadKitty13 28
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ! Daddy buys you condoms ????? That is so wrong on so many levels. What is aeven more grosser is that you are having sex with him ------- EWWWWWWWWW !
TxT 0
How long have you had that condom because when I buy new ones they don't expire for years. Has it been years since you got any or by expire do you mean "ran out of"?
Thalymor 0
I was thinking the same thing! The expiration date on condoms is 3 years out or something. OP must not be having a lot of sex if he isn't even going through them in 3 years!
sallen0046 4
A lot of places that hand out free condoms or mail out samples to get you to try their product have older product on hand. Places like planned parenthood, that give out huge handfuls to anyone that asks for them, have boxes and boxes of product sitting in the building and most of the boxes don't have dates so if inventory isn't rotated every time a new shipment comes in they can sit for quite a while. Considering this kid gets them from his dad, it's highly likely it's something his dad had sitting in a drawer for a couple years.